Intro Post

okay the uni stuff is going thru. i was honestly catastrophizing but uh still nervous for the start. feel better knowing its part time and that all tutorials are recorded

coming here to vent bc i feel really dumb and anxious. ive been working towards going to online university for next month but i just realized i did the student finance wrong. ive been in pain and lowkey sleep walking thru life and im autistic too and like i had no help so im not 100% surprised i messed up and i wont be super shocked if it falls thru but idk i dont want it to. idk ill try to take whatever happens as a sign. if i get in i can try to get my life on track. if i dont then maybe i need to wait til i get this pain figured out first. im just really scared ive blown up my life and im too late and ill just be stuck sitting here doing nothing waiting for a solution for the pain to come from my doctors to get on waiting lists. i legit feel like a ghost yk something bound to a house where they cant escape. but im also scared of dropping out again and that im not ready so im just in this state of being between a rock and a hard place and everything sucks. idfk what im going to do. happy 2025 ig idk

i just wanted all of this together...

EMBODIMENT: A PORTRAIT OF QUEER LIFE IN AMERICA

Ducky and her friends, 2008 | Kate and Laurel, 2007 | Princeton and Lena, 2009 | Ronnie and Jo, 2005 | Simon and West, 9AM | Damian and Daughters, 2009 | Cat and Brittany, 2009 | Jentleman of Distinction, 2009 | Mandy, 2005 | David and Isaac, 2007

i know love exists because i exist and i am full of it

i have a transmasc friend who has been feeling really bummed recently that he hasn't seen much in the way of transmasc positivity on his dash, and i see how much it impacts his mood and self esteem. i care about him a lot, so i want to do a little something to maybe help raise his spirits a little bit:

share some memories of trans masc folks you know or have known, who left a positive impact on your life!

i'll start:

here's to a boyfriend i had years back! he was a very autistic demiboy with a reptile special interest and a love for aquariums! we'd go visit a small local herpatarium together, and he'd tell me all about the animals there. his excitement was contagious! he even had a pet snake who was so cute. we both loved Pink Floyd, and i really treasure the time we spent sharing music with eachother!

here's to a friend i had back in Texas! he was a really warm and chill dude, always so kind and patient. he loved his community and organized a local trans social group so that we could have something more laid back than a support group. he was a scholar in queer and jewish history, as well as jewish theology, and i learned so much from him.

i have a friend now who is a very kind and sweet guy. he's been there for me in some of my darkest moments and is a delight to be around! he is a very skilled cook and baker who helps make incredible food for our household. he has a passion for hair and has helped everyone in the house with cutting and styling our hair. he loves musicals, and i've learned so much about musicals from listening to him and watching movie musicals with him. i could say more, but i know this post is going to be long enough as is lol

coming here to vent bc i feel really dumb and anxious. ive been working towards going to online university for next month but i just realized i did the student finance wrong. ive been in pain and lowkey sleep walking thru life and im autistic too and like i had no help so im not 100% surprised i messed up and i wont be super shocked if it falls thru but idk i dont want it to. idk ill try to take whatever happens as a sign. if i get in i can try to get my life on track. if i dont then maybe i need to wait til i get this pain figured out first. im just really scared ive blown up my life and im too late and ill just be stuck sitting here doing nothing waiting for a solution for the pain to come from my doctors to get on waiting lists. i legit feel like a ghost yk something bound to a house where they cant escape. but im also scared of dropping out again and that im not ready so im just in this state of being between a rock and a hard place and everything sucks. idfk what im going to do. happy 2025 ig idk

personal agere moodboard :3 (10-12)

wow this was really educational i learnt quite a bit abt marx in sociology and connected to his ideas abt classism but i had no clue abt his teachings on the "Lumpenproletariat".

You don't have to like weed but I find people who are vehemently anti-weed but claim to be left leaning infuriating. If you go into a rage because you smelled someone smoking pot, how the fuck do you expect to form community with people addicted to meth? It's easier to say you hate smokers than to say you hate all drug users in leftist spaces because one makes you sound a bit like a square while the other is the writing on the wall. You aren't anti-weed, you're anti-drug user and anyone who uses substances is not safe around you.

can’t stop imagining tiny little host!vic getting pinched by nana for swearing and their mom asking where the marks came from and vic insisting it was steffi pops. their mom not believing them and telling them to stop blaming things on steffi.

can’t stop imagining their mom writing it off as weird little kid stuff instead of investigating any further, eventually getting so annoyed by vic’s “antics” she just stopped caring when they came back from nana’s house with marks - because every time little five year old vic told her it was steffi pops. though it crossed her mind, their mom refused to entertain the notion her mother was abusing her child.

throw in vivid childhood dreams and you get distorted memories of childhood, the internalization that maybe the pinching really was just a series of dreams they had as a kid about their weird doll.

anyways. steffi pops as a coping mechanism, a tulpa made of false memories and real abuse. nobody touch me

lounging around in my boxers with my homemade amateur sock packer feeling very gender rn. still a lil scary but come a long way got a gf and everything.