Tw S3lf Harm - Blog Posts

I really want to cvt, how many should i do, I'm interested in how many everyone else is like doing on a normal day

TRIGGER WARNING:

fake bl0od :/

keep yourself safe plz plz plz

lmao

TW: suicide attempt, blood, and mental heath issues

(this takes place during my keys time in the ‘far lands’)

but leather head’s here (yayyyy-)

I'm clean for 160 days 😼😼

Where do I get razors? Like I really wanna try the Matgicol ones, but my parents are always on my ass about cutting, and my mom took all my razors. And those were just from pencil sharpeners, they were barley effective anyway.

stop y’all, i literally opened tumblr while on the school wifi and forgot they have certain things blocked and when i opened tumblr it showed the “this is usually your dashboard” SHIT AND I GOT SO SCAREDDDD

how was your day today??

my day was actually very shitty, i went to court, cried, did the ice bucket challenge, argued with my father, cried more, cried, called my man (😍), aaannnddd here we are. the highlight was definitely calling my man, thank you for askinggg

i was tryna cvt and my dad knocked on my door asking if we can talk cause we just had a really big fight. i hate getting interrupted istg

PLEASE ASK ME QUESTIONS OR IM GONNA CRY

REPOST THIS SO PEOPLE SEE PLEASE OR ADD MORE WEIRD PEOPLE THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT

IF THIS BASTARD TRIES TO TALK TO YOU PLEASE DONT LET HIM HES LIKE ONE OF THOSE WEIRD "COACHES/DOMS"

let's be mentally unstable without creepy mens interference please 💕

LIKE MY POST TO GET SKINNIER OR SOMETHING ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️this is the only form of social media where I show my face 😭 so I'm not too worried about people finding me I love my severely triggering communities though 😝💕

idk why I'm posting this tbh

what are your ways to punish yourself when you binge or eat more than you want to? besides the basic starving,binging more lol, purging and stuff. like unconventional ways or something

I think about it so much when I eat more, it's all I think about for hours and I really wanna sh and stuff but I also like deprive myself of stuff I like too, just things I like to do.

I'm just curious what weird stuff other gorgeous but ed girls do

i don't really ever talk about relationship problems its always so personal my boyfriend is so good with words but wow 🙁

idk what to even say or think or anything

he doesn't even know about the really bad things about me too ☹️☹️☹️

he went back to being sweet and everything but I don't know what to do about it at all

Intro....ig...heh....

lol I'm a girl and hate most guys except for my boyfriend (he looks like a girl)

I'm 16 and kinda a on and off anorexic and bulimic and I think I have bpd but I feel like a poser cuz I cant try to be diagnosed or anything

I love sh but I'm low-key so lazy about it that I don't do it that much anymore (kitty scratches 4ever😻) I hate summer cuz I cant do it now too

i will probably post body checks or if I think I look cute or something (key word *THINK*). Or I'll probably write about stuff idk

I might just kill myself if anyone I know sees this tho haha

PLEASE CAN I GET MOOTS 😖😖😖😖

I don't see myself and my child self as the same person. As a child I was so good. I love her and I think that she deserves the world, but it breaks my heart to know that she is cursed to grow into me.

One day food stops being a treat and then it becomes a sin. One day she will start to smile as she almost falls as she stands up because that means that it's working.

When she does eat she hates herself.

And she misses the days where she felt beautiful. When she didn't get dizzy every time she sees sharp objects. When she didn't know what they feel like in her skin. When she didn't do it anyway because it hurts twice as much when she is so afraid.

And she can't help but wonder when it changed. When she started looking for the diet version of everything. When she stopped eating with her family. When she convinced herself that she was so utterly unlovable.

I wish I could save her because I deserve this but she doesn't. She was young and good. She deserved to end up happy. But she will end up where I am now. And playing dress up will change into dressing the cuts on her skin.

Suddenly make believe food is all that she will eat. Suddenly she's afraid to hug her mom because she knows that she'll feel her bones and she's come too far to stop now.

And she will realize that there is nothing keeping her here except for her fear.

This young girl who had so much love and so many dreams and ambitions is withering away as she grows but nothing changes because she is already too far gone.

And she watches as her health deteriorates because that means that she is small.

But once upon a time she was small, but she was happy and she didn't need to be small because that was not all that she was.

She was smart and kind and hopeful and so so loving

But now she is dying

And she is happy because she will finally be small again and then maybe someone will finally love her like they did back then

Because no one loves her unless she is fading

And she just wants to be held but no one is there anymore and she dreams of the big and warm arms from when she was young, but now her concerns don't make sense anymore, and people are getting tired of her

But she was once a small girl and that girl is doomed because one day she will stop loving herself and she will change everything just to feel loved even for a second

I'm sorry little me. You deserved better and I love you and I'm sorry that I failed you. You were too good for me.

I think it's so much worse this time because for the first time, I had someone. I had someone who I wanted to tell everything and do everything with anf it was reciprocated... For a bit.

But now, that's gone, but it feels like a new and beautiful path to happiness was unlocked and I got to see it and experience how wonderful it was, but now its gone. And even though it hurt so bad most of the time that good times were euphoric.

Nothing can compare to it now. So everything feels hollow and empty.

And I can't get it back because there is not a single soul on this god forsaken earth that would ever want me. Even the one who claimed to like all my odd habits left me and hasn't looked back once or regretted it.

I was just that easy to leave apparently.

But now I wish for a type of love that I will never have because who could ever love me? I sit here aching and so so empty.

I think it might've been better to never love at all. To not have any of these memories of a happiness I'll never have again.

I think it would hurt a lot less that way.

Because I know I gave it everything. It consumed my whole heart and soul and I had so much love to give because finally someone chose me! But now that love has nowhere to go because I got left out of nowhere like there was never a reason to stay.

So now I sit with all that love that I never got to give and it eats me alive. It feels like poison. The empty ache never leaves and when I finally make one step of progress I get sent right back again. And then suddenly there's more poison. Because my hope still hasn't gone away. It stupid and oh so painful but I still hope with my whole heart that I'd be enough to come back for, but I keep getting hurt time and time again.

And I can't stop myself. I go back willingly the second you show interest in me. Because my pride is already gone. My mind is already a mess, you can't possibly ruin it more than you already have.

I have nothing to lose and everything to gain, but everytime that I do gain something, I lose it right away. And I face pain all over again because I never thought that the world could be that cruel. I didn't think I would lose my only lifeline once again, but I should've learned by now.

No one was ever going to save me. They're just going to watch me flail and struggle as I try to find even the most insignificant reason to live. And then they cruely yank it away from me.

I can't keep going like this.

It would be easier just to drown.

I'm really annoyed rn and I don't want to actually fix my problems so vent post :P writing this to a certain person who doesn't actually gaf about me

You got mad at me for not taking care of my health. I think it's fucking hilarious that you chose to care now. What is it convenient now?

Why couldn't you care every time that I messaged you to distract myself from the pile of pills in my hands and the blade pressed against my skin. No when I needed you most what you did give was too little too late.

But now you care. Now you're mad at me for being dismissive of my health. I think it's fucking hilarious. Why would I care if I can't eat or drink without chest pains? I'm fucking suicidal! If my body takes itself out good for me! Then I don't have to do it myself.

You're worried sick about me but you don't notice or care that I didn't eat anything at lunch and I was shaking after. When you know that Ive had multiple eating disorders. Bullshit.

Goddammit if you were actually worried you'd listen to me when I talked instead of just scoffing at me when I tell you that no, I haven't scheduled a doctor's appointment. Cause doctors have failed me so many times that I don't trust them anymore and I told you this but you didn't listen. Because doctors are there to help you say. Maybe they help you but I've been let down time and time again. So yeah I hate doctors. I'm allowed to have an opinion even if it's different from yours.

Y'know I think it's really fuckin shitty of you the way you treat me. Even if someone I hated told me the things I told you I'd still look out for them, but you don't do that and we're supposed to be friends.

You're soooo fuckin sad when I tell you that I almost committed suicide once, but you don't notice the sad smile I give when people talk about suicide. When someone told a story about the dream they had about suicide notes I say there knowing I had mine written. They're fucking ready to go when I am. It's soo obvious that something is seriously wrong. I am showing all the signs.

You just don't care to help me

At least not in the way I need

You just wanna preach your bullshit so you can be the winner and the one who was fucking right. You don't care about what I actually need. No one fucking does. I'm so sick of lectures when I just really need a hug but I have no one I can hug without raising suspicion. And if I raise suspicion there goes my plans and way out.

Fuck this I'm so sick of it.

I would never do this to you.

Tw: suicidal idealation, sh, sui

Nobody noticed when I stopped including myself in the photos. When I stopped trying to stand out in the group. They didn't notice that I started to fade into the background more and more. It was like I wasn't even there.

Every time I've cried it's been alone. Not once has someone helped me through a panic attack. There is no one here who will help me. I am alone. Why won't anybody help me? I've done everything that I can to save them.

I can't seem to let them go though. Especially the one who hurts me the most. Because even though he makes me feel like I don't matter and am just annoying, he's the only one who really makes me happy. So when he is nice to me my heart is so happy even though I know it won't last and that he'll be back to acting too good for me soon.

But he just doesn't get it. When I message you something random, that's my desperate cry for a distraction. I need help, but he pops in and out of the conversation and then I know that I mean nothing to the person who is my world. And then I cry. I cry until I can't breath because I need him but he doesn't even want me.

Nobody wants me.

I'm so tired. I can't keep going like this. I need someone to love. Someone to give me something to live for. But I don't have that.

So I live only because I have failed to die. I don't take the pills because I can't move my body. I just stare at the wall and feel the tears fall. I give myself drawings made of scars because I don't deserve to have something pretty without pain.

Maybe someday soon I'll finally get the courage.

It’s so weird that people’s first thought isn’t cutting themselves when they’re having a shitty day. Crazyyyyyy like I’m about to have the time of my life with my blades when I get home.

FINALLY SOME GOOD...sfx...makeup...totally not real blood

I FEEL SO HAPPY AND JITTERY EHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEH YAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYA

Tw forrrrrrrrr cvtssss (n blood)

Block don't report please this is a coping mechanism :( I'm safe trust, my therapist looks at them often to see if there clean ^^

Cat scratchessss >.<

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Finally got some good bl00d

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:3

I thought I got more pics wth😭😭

Just as i did it

And this was my attempt to clean😭😭

(I did some bandaids cause it wouldn't stop bleeding and I'm not sure when my family's gonna get back :P)

vent art.. its been a really stressful month

tw selfharm

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Warning: vent art eludes to self harm

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wow is this vent art‼️ no way

idfk yall

im NOT a deep cvtter </3 (i love styros so idc but yeah)

Stop cutting yourself pls! It’s not pretty nor aesthetic -_-

You are gonna regret it later, as I myself did. Now I have to see what my dumbass teenage self did every day and I hate that.

I have to answer why I have those scars every time I meet a new person and honestly I feel ashamed.

It is not a pretty look to have those damn stupid scars as an adult. They are gonna think less about you and nothing you do is gonna change how they gonna perceive you as a person.

I just don’t want any other person feel the same way I did and I still do.