Tw Self Destruction - Blog Posts

Riding a Wave That Never Breaks

Manga spoilers and Dark themes

Sometimes you can’t escape your inner demons no matter how much time has passed. Four amazing years may pass, but that darkness is only one storm away.

Midoriya struggled a lot with depression growing up. Despite having a loving mother and a safe home environment, the torture he suffered through the day was too much.

Midoriya loved everything about the hero world and how he could escape into fantastic fantasies. He was constantly diving deep, imagining alternate universes where he was respected by his peers. Midoriya craved positive attention or for the hollow feeling inside him to vanish.

On the days Midoriya didn’t have school, he’d curl up in his bed and never move. Unless his mother sweetly called him for dinner or suggested some bonding time, the day was spent wasting away underneath a comforter.

Midoriya was lucky to have met Toshinori. The man gave Midoriya a sense of purpose that he had been missing. Toshinori saw something in Midoriya that Midoriya never saw in himself. It was like he was reborn, suddenly showered in affection, and given a list of things to do to better himself.

Midoriya trained his mind and body every day. Midoriya was eating healthy and filling meals three times a day. By the end of the day, Midoriya was ready to sleep. With getting proper sleep, intake of nutrients, and producing endorphins through intense training, Midoriya was feeling much better.

Despite the upward climb, there were times Midoriya gave into the gloom. He’d skip showering, not study, ignore the tangles in his hair, never change out his uniform at the end of the day, sleep the day away, not sleep at all, and a plethora of other things he did when things were getting bad.

Neglecting his needs was one thing, but he’d harm himself in more direct ways. He never thought much about it, simply seeing it as a way to relieve the tension in his head and the tightness in his chest. He did it in places he knew would never see the light of day.

In a short two years, Midoriya was seventeen and dealing with mountains of trauma he didn’t know how to digest. Midoriya was surrounded by people who brought out the best in him, but he could feel himself slipping.

“I’m not hungry, sorry.”

“I really needed to catch up on sleep.”

“Can we reschedule? I’m so sorry something came up.”

“Sorry, I’m a bit behind on my studies.”

“Maybe some other time?”

Midoriya slowly withdrew himself from his peers. With the door locked, lights off, and the silence of the soundproof walls made it easy for the sickening sweet voice in the back of his mind to grow louder.

“Was this all worth it?”

“You served your purpose, you aren’t needed anymore.”

“They probably are happy you aren’t around as much.”

“That sounds like so much work.”

“You really can’t amount to anything.”

“A lazy hero is good for nothing.”

With an empty stomach and an ache in his heart, Midoriya closed his eyes and slept the dark thoughts away. When an alarm broke him out of his nightmare, he slept through his usual morning run.

It didn’t take long for everyone to notice something was off. Todoroki, worried and unsure of what to do in this situation, practically fed Midoriya lunch, not giving him a chance to skip a meal. If he had to guilt-trip Midoriya into it he would.

“I got this just for you,” revealed Todoroki, extending out the warm bowl of katsudon.

Midoriya would softly smile, sitting next to his best friend and enjoying the warm meal. The perfect crunch of the breading and the juiciness of the pork nearly brought him to tears. It didn’t matter what meal it was, Midoriya would swallow every last bite to respect his friend's kindness.

Bakugo talked with Toshinori and Aizawa, knowing that they may no longer be Midoriya’s teachers, but they were parental figures. He knew something was wrong and this was bigger than him and his classmates. Aizawa and Toshinori weren’t constants in Midoriya’s life, but their value remained. Their assistance would mean so much more than the nineteen people who are constantly around him.

During the war, Midoriya never once reached out for help when he was working himself to death. If Midoriya was experiencing something that was troubling him or he couldn’t save himself from whatever he was going through, Bakugo would pull him out.

It seemed that Toshinori and Aizawa had a hunch that something like what was happening would happen soon enough. Aizawa knew very well that the trauma Midoriya refused to acknowledge would come back tenfold.

Toshinori knew the psychological damage he experienced over the years by dealing with his demons. Being the number one hero and having the entire world on his shoulders was a burden he wouldn’t wish on anyone. That’s why he originally gave Midoriya the quirk. He believed he was simply passing on a powerful quirk.

When it came out that All for One was not dead and that he had a successor, Toshinori felt guilt consume him. He put Midoriya in a situation far worse than the one he’d lived through.

Midoriya watched nearly all the people he cared about die and/or be on the brink of death. Midoriya watched thousands of innocent people die, unable to do anything. There was an evil far worse than any the world had seen before and Midoriya had to face it himself.

Midoriya had to shove all his emotions deep down as he was forced to see the corpse of someone he cherished dearly. Midoriya was a kid but wasn't in a position to handle the situation as one.

Midoriya was struggling with the trauma of the war and the pressure he was put under. Midoriya would forever be scarred from the responsibility placed in his hand. Yet, deep down, Midoriya was ashamed of the itch he had to be important.

There was this craving for chaos and the fight to the death. Suddenly nothing was going on and the feeling of worthlessness settled in. Midoriya didn't want innocent people to die again or for the world to be in danger, but he felt like something was missing without the danger.

The guilt of missing something so horrible killed him more than what he was put through. Maybe they were interconnected in some way but, in Midoriya's mind, wanting it to happen again was a different trauma response than his episode of depression.

Sometimes, Midoriya's brain filled itself with noise when the world was too quiet. The earth-shattering sounds of the battle and his scream mixing with the screams of the rest of the world would haunt him. The rare spots on his wall where there was no All Might merchandise, Midoriya's eyes would focus on the white wall and let the rest of his room fade away.

Midoriya could fall into a staring contest with his wall while standing, sitting, or lying down. There were no limits and he usually would catch himself doing it whenever he was in the security of his room. These moments of pure disassociation could last from anywhere of a couple of seconds to over an hour.

It was Saturday night and Bakugo was going to drag Midoriya down to study with the class. He figured surrounding him with everyone would help get him out of his head a bit. He always liked to think he knew Midoriya the best, but he didn't know the first thing to do to help Midoriya snap out of whatever mental decline he was trapped in.

"Izuku, I'm coming in," announced Bakugo, hand already turning the door handle.

Bakugo didn't think much about not receiving any response and opened the door. Midoriya was on his bed, lying on his side as he stared at his wall motionlessly.

"Nerd?"

Midoriya didn't seem to notice Bakugo or even signal he heard Bakugo address him. Bakugo started panicking, worried Midoriya was unresponsive. Bakugo started looking over Midoriya after dropping to his knees beside the bed.

"Shit, Izuku. Look at me!" begged Bakugo, reaching to check for a pulse. He cursed himself for not paying closer attention to Midoriya's health. It took seconds for Bakugo to feel the steady thumping of Midoriya's pulse under his fingers.

Midoriya blinked, feeling the warm touch and wanting to lean into it. His vision of the wall was blocked by Bakugo's worried expression and he couldn't help but feel like everything was okay for this split second in time.

Tears started falling and Midoriya couldn't find the strength in himself to stop. Midoriya let his whole body shake with each sob he let rip through his body. He hated feeling so hopeless and feeling stuck in such a horrible mindset. It was a scary feeling to have no control over.

Bakugo didn't need to hear anything to know that Midoriya needed him at that moment. Bakugo reached for Midoriya's hand and took it securely in his own before resting his forehead against Midoriya's. Rough and crooked fingers intertwined and squeezed soft and powerful fingers.

"I don't know what to do Kacchan," wept Midoriya, feeling safe to express himself.

Bakugo remained quiet momentarily before letting his gut do the talking. "You don't have to know what to do all the time. Sometimes life sucks and you have to let others make it less shitty."

Midoriya cried harder, pulling out his other hand to gently wrap it against Bakugo's wrist. "I can't do this anymore."

"And you don't have to. I'm here. If you can't handle burdens on your own, I'm here. Let me help, Izuku," stressed Bakugo, brushing Midoriya's bangs out of his forehead. "I'll be there to save you every time you need a hero."

Midoriya felt like the room was no longer caving in on him and that the world finally had air to spare. His grip on Bakugo momentarily tightened before he took a deep breath. There was something so incredible about Bakugo and how he never failed to be Midoriya's anchor. Bakugo never failed to reach his hand out to lift Midoriya out of the pit he was trapped in.

“Let’s go take a shower, grab you something to eat, and how about we go study? You don’t need to be alone and if you get overwhelmed we can ditch,” guided Bakugo as he removed his one hand from Midoriya’s bangs to poke his freckles.

Still feeling vulnerable, Midoriya let out a shaky breath. “Yeah, can you just stay here with me for a bit?”

Bakugo rose from his uncomfortable position and crashed beside Midoriya on his bed. “You could ask me to destroy the world and I’d do it.”

Midoriya smiled, feeling his cheeks heat up by the powerful confession. “You sure know how to make a boy feel special.”

“After existing in a world without you… I never wanted to experience it again.”

Midoriya suddenly realized he had something he could use to anchor himself down. He remembered seeing Bakugo lying in the crumbling field of injured heroes. He remembered the dread that filled him upon seeing the sickeningly beautiful sight of Bakugo’s peaceful resting expression. The crushing horror of seeing his unbreathing, bloodied body would forever haunt his dreams.

Why would he give up a life where Bakugo was right next to him?

“I never want to experience it either,” professed Midoriya, feeling a warmth fill his chest, seeing the scars that littered Bakugo’s body. Those scars were proof that this boy before him would always defy and twist fate to come back to him.

The downward spiral ended when he was forced to remember every wonderful thing he had to live for. He had to live for Bakugo, Todoroki, Uraraka, Eri, Aizawa, Toshinori, his mother, and the surplus of people whom he never wanted to live without.

Overcoming depression wasn’t easy and his recovery wasn’t going to be fast. There would be those moments when the exhaustion that filled him was too much or the pressure of outside expectations killed his appetite and kept him up at night. The battle was a lot easier being surrounded by people who never failed to bring a smile to his face.

Freshly cleaned and fed, Midoriya had his bookbag filled with unfinished homework and study guides. Bakugo was right next to him, wearing an accomplished grin as he plopped down next to Midoriya. The excited greetings of his classmates washed away any bits of anxiety that he may have had left.

“Ready to get this study game on?” questioned Kirishima happily upon seeing two of his best buds appear together.

“Yeah! I’ll admit I’m a bit behind,” admitted Midoriya meekly.

Iida seemed to not care about the fact that Midoriya got behind on schoolwork and smiled warmly. “Well let’s get you caught up!”

Midoriya eagerly nodded, feeling the buzz of his classmate's excitement rub off on him. They were all gathered together to study, but Midoriya couldn’t help but be overjoyed to be with them at that moment.

Things would be okay.

I know it doesn't make sense but since I was young my brain kept telling me "the pain on the inside is too much... We need to cut it out and turn the pain to the outside" bruh... Why is my brain like this (I mean I know why but... Why?)

Lmao I'm actually spiralling from reading something so Angst... Does this count as self harm

Dr. Bright’s self harm

They had been worried about Dr. Bright lately, and he never helped the mood. Recently the only thing he had been focusing on was work, and everyone in the foundation knew that Dr. Bright liked everything that was NOT work. So yes, they were concerned. “Hey buddy?” Asked dr. Clef. “Yes? You are asking whatever at a bad time. I’m a little busy, Clef.” Dr. Bright said. *so they were right- something’s up with Dr.Bright.* Clef thought worriedly. That’s when he noticed the bandages on his friend’s arm. He quickly snatched his arm and started to undo the bandages. “Hey! Stop!” Dr. Bright said. *He was panicking, not good.* Clef thought. Dr. Bright tried to get away but clef was clearly stronger. Soon enough, the bandages were gone to reveal a scarred arm, full of clear self-harm cuts. “I can explain? …” After this they gave him proper therapy and treatment for the scars. They made sure to check every day to make sure. Because he was worth it, and always will be.

-Hey everyone, sorry for the depressing story, but it was just an idea. Sorry for not posting either, I was super busy with my grandpa coming over. See you next story, and don’t hurt yourself! (On purpose) :p

please follow me!

Drew a body chart for my oc.

It starts as a harmless poke to my shoulder. Never a serious matter for when I turn to question you, you respond with a bright smile and remind me that it is all friendly.

Your fingerprint begins to stain my shoulders and I turn to inquire your motivations. Quickly I am shut it down cause it’s nothing serious, just a nudge.

Times pass and the skin that you torment is bruising, the pain pulsates although out my body.

Your hand is tainted crimson with my ooze but still you address me with a smile, after all it’s just a nudge.

You burry your way through my skin and uncover the most fragile parts of my being. The foundation that I am built on is disrupted by your omnipotent presence that chips away at me.

I garner up the courage to question your antics as my bones begin to splinter.

But there is no body to restore me, I am spoilt beyond recovery.

Hoo boy....

Uhh.... (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)

Sing him a lullaby?? Idk, I optimistically believe in power of animated movies tropes 乁⁠|⁠ ⁠･⁠ ⁠〰⁠ ⁠･⁠ ⁠|⁠ㄏ

Guys we need to sneak around, don't make a sound

TW: SELF DESTRUCTION, BODY HORROR, BUNCH OF WIRES THAT COULD BE INTERPRETED AS TENTACLES, MUTATION

........................

UwU

You guys did know that..... We are Number one........

Includes a comedic slip up in the song..........

R I G H T?????? =}

And you finally got Cheri to understand your point of view too..... What a shame =)

.....crackling static hums from the wire trees......

Good morning Star.... =}

Làcheria is in too much pain.... It looks like....

It's up to you to put Star back to sleep before he destroys himself by speeding up the process of his transformation

What will you do

Feat: @liliththequeenofdemon

To anyone that tries to guilt people into not hurting/hating themselves because "it hurts you too" FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF!!!! You have no say in what we do or how we think about ourselves. It is our choice. Let us deal with it. Putting guilt on us is only going to make it worse. Just because you like us doesn't mean we have to like ourselves. You have no idea what we feel like. What it feels like to want to peel your own skin off because of something that happened years ago. Wanting to drive into oncoming traffic just to finally have some semblance of peace. Wanting to waste away until there is nothing left... Not even bones. Wanting to evaporate. Not even wanting to restart anymore, you just want it to end. How the fuck do you think it's ok to tell us that it would hurt you when you don't have a clue the amount of pain we are in.

FUCK YOU

Thank you to everyone who liked me and was my friend. Sadly, my depression is getting out of control, and I can't stand it any longer.

I don't know if I will be okay or not. I just want to feel happy again, but all there is waiting is despair. My medications aren't helping. I am desperately seeking happiness, only to find nothing.

If I don't make myself disappear permanently, I will be back.

so i’m actually ending it. he’s gonna be upset with me cause i relapsed. fuuuuckkkk.

dm if u want pics

what do you use for $h? (like razor blades, glass, ect)

i use the blades from razors, i think they work the best. i don’t use a specific brand or anything just what’s there yk

i swear i cannot be the only one who scrolls and looks at sh when i’m bored or when i’m eating

WAIT CAN I SEE THE CARVING I CANT DM BC I FORGOT TO CONFIRM MY EMAIL BUT IF U SEND IT I CAN STILL SEE GAHHH

GURLLL I DKNT WANNA GET T WORDED, i might put a filter on it if you want OR try to confirm your email

can y’all please please PLEASE ask me anonymous questionssss

i’m in school and i’m so boreddd

my man said he’s proud of me for not cvtting and said even if i do it’s okay because i’m trying but i reallyyyy don’t know what to do, i haven’t in a few days since i carved his name but i really want to, the urges are so strong but he’s gonna ask me why and a bunch of other shit (he’s studying psychology so he’s always on my ass” WHAT DO I DOOOO

stop y’all, i literally opened tumblr while on the school wifi and forgot they have certain things blocked and when i opened tumblr it showed the “this is usually your dashboard” SHIT AND I GOT SO SCAREDDDD

i’m just scared i’m gonna get t worded again

I DID IT!! DM IF YOU WANNA SEE

i love my man i would carve his name into me for him.

update- he wants me too 😛😛

i love my man i would carve his name into me for him.

i love deep cvvts but i get scared to even go to deep styro, do you guys have any tips? i’ve gone to beans before but only twice like 3 years ago

i love all my girly pop moots except the only exception is @styro--boy

what is your favorite song, and also what is your favorite hobby to keep your mind busy? :D

ooo my favorite song would have to be “Someone Somewhere Somehow” by Super Whatevr

my favorite hobbies would have to be ice skating, talking to my man, and calling my friends

how was your day today??

my day was actually very shitty, i went to court, cried, did the ice bucket challenge, argued with my father, cried more, cried, called my man (😍), aaannnddd here we are. the highlight was definitely calling my man, thank you for askinggg

okay so my man wants me to stop cvvtting BUT IT TVRNS HIM 0N SO WHY WOULD I STOPPPP UGHHHH IM HAVING A DILEMMA

i was tryna cvt and my dad knocked on my door asking if we can talk cause we just had a really big fight. i hate getting interrupted istg

this is a little reveal i guess?? not necessarily a face reveal since you can’t see it but you get the idea <3

plz don’t be meannnn

do you got that dawg in you

i do got that dawg in me 🐺🐺🐺

update, i went with my parents and my father lied saying i’m lazy and it’s because of my phone that i don’t go AND said i ran away which is also a lie (he kicked me out) like mf that’s not true. but i have court ordered therapy because they hate me and are trying to take away my personality but when it was over when i was leaving the place my mom pulled me aside to talk abt smth and i started bawling my eyes out because he wasn’t believing me and was believing my father and basically just told me to and i quote “get your ass to school” like mfff

why are you going to court tomorrow (here because your post)

i have to go to court for truancy, i never go to school 😭

oopsiessss

i’m so scared, i have to go to court tmr for truancy.

wish me luck

I've gone through today just feeling so bored I want to stab myself to death because it'd be less boring. Maybe.