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Bpd Thoughts - Blog Posts
I want to metaphorically jump off a building and see who catches me. But at least I'm self aware enough to not do that.
— 🐇 hello everyone ! sorry for vanishing . . . I hope you all had a good new year and basically a good first month at this point . . i'll *try* to start posting more again soon , promise !
— 🐇 i truly don't need anyone else , take care of me like i'm a pet and i'll obey you like you own me . keep me at home , i don't need to see anyone else , you're all i need .
⠀ ﹒⠀⠀⠀⠀➴⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀˚⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ 𓂂 ⠀⠀⠀𓇼
⠀hi⠀hi!⠀i’m⠀marco⠀or⠀eiji.⠀i’m 16 years old⠀&⠀boygirl, nonhuman ( it + ) i’m mixed ( 🇨🇺 🇯🇵 ). my birthday is june 3rd. i'm taken by my lovely boyfriend and partner 🤍
⠀byi: i’m a system (osdd) & have bpd, autism, and others (ask if VERY close).⠀i struggle to talk to people and don't use tonetags (unless asked) please don't use them on me!⠀i use a screenreader and english is NOT my first lang.
⠀dni: basic dni,⠀you say "i like (interest) more than you" and "i'm gonna touch you,"⠀your only sense of humor is nsfw jokes,⠀ragebait,⠀anti-recovery,⠀those ranfren / okegom / regretevator / 8:11 / southpark fans,⠀i block freely.
⠀interests: animanga,⠀roblox (daybreak, limbo, regretevator +),⠀sparklecare hospital,⠀idv,⠀be more chill,⠀tmf,⠀sam and max,⠀mysme,⠀omswd,⠀twst,⠀amphibia,⠀voltron,⠀it,⠀starberry,⠀spicymints,⠀alien stage,⠀sam and colby,⠀8:11 and more (bold is what i'm most fixated / defensive on right now)
⠀blog info: this blog is mostly for whatever!⠀reblogs, interacting with others, and maybe making my own posts…⠀it really just depends on the day!⠀i may disappear for sometime, mostly due to school or just being with my partners!⠀if anything, that's what i'd post most about.⠀interact with caution if you're iffy with obsessive / posessive, vent-ish, borderline posts!
⠀anons: none..
i just wish to be perceived as gentle and kind. that’s it, that is truly all i want.
it hurts to know this will never be.
aosjdsidskfhfnfrgijfk ghnti ITS BEEN OVER 30 MINUTES WHY ON EARTH HAVEN'T THEY TEXTED BACK
My Platonic FP pays attention to me?? AND downloads my art I show them into their computer so it could forever be with them?
Guys, I'm so lucky o(*////▽////*)q!!!
(If they even dare to interact with others more then me i'll slit my throat open.)
ok guys, you can stop making me feel like my existence absolutely has no meaning, the joke is over, i’m not laughing anymore
"but it was a joke!" okay well your joke made me want to kms but thats fine since you were just joking ig
ngl but if im giving u attention its basically like someone trying to hand you a billion dollars and yet some motherfuckers want to be like "ehhh i dont really want the billion dollars. Maybe some other time." What the fuck.
i hate when they dont message for a single day so now im undergoing mental torture constantly switching between "oh god something happened please be okay please be okay please god be okay" and "stop fucking ignoring me you make me sick you make me sick you make me fucking sick"
The words, the colors, the sun
fail to showcase my heartbreak
when I have yet to accept it as mine
and only mine to grieve.
THIS. THIS. THIS. I want to plaster this on my face.
I'd like to stop being anxious now. My head is exploding.
Low and low, I sink
lo and behold, I crumble.
kinda wanna leave. kinda wanna ghost everyone. kinda wanna rot under a blanket. kinda wanna feel loved. kinda wanna feel wanted. kinda wanna
*goes through a hard time*
Me: I must be pretending
*feels incredibly lonely and wants to talk to someone*
Me: ew I'm too needy and weak
*experiences shitloads of emotional pain*
Me: stfu you're not a baby, gulp it down alone like an adult
I don't want to do this anymore. It fucking hurts so bad. It's not worth it. I'm tired.
I write this with
melancholic music
blasting in my ears.
It's comfortable,
relatable.
It's hopeless,
as I long to be.
back from a vacation to the same spirals and work, home sweet home.
I'm not the past version of myself who didn’t rest,
I'm not okay and I need the help.
If my mental illnesses weren't enough, the seasonal cold has been sitting on my head making my mind even more cloudy and jammed. How is any of this fair?
Fucked and how. I need a vacation. Getting it. Then back to the bullshit which is my life.
Lo and Behold, the Low is here!
And so am I. Hihi.
Sigh.
it's breaking me to cry for nothing
no one
something I never had
and probably never would
it's a longing that has no end
no reason
- after a negative pregnancy test
I can't form so much as a tear
but I seem to be drowning still.