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Bpd Thoughts - Blog Posts
Three days of no meds and sleepiness and full stomach. I wonder how it would be when I start taking my meds again from tomorrow.
but being numb/feeling empty is a whole another level of worse.
sometimes the emotions get so intense that i'd rather be numb.
I can't feel the hurt or the pain,
only the excruciating absence of happiness.
This Morning: A Thread (TW: Suicidal ideation)
My brain: Ugh, not again
How and why am I still alive?
Because I just fell asleep, it's normal
I don't want to be here.
I don't want to be here.
I cannot unalive myself here. I need to wait until I can.
I need to study, get my degree, get a job, start living alone.
Only then will I be able to end it.
Alone, alone, alone.
Yes, only a few more years.
Let's start the day.
I feel numb, I don't want to think about anything. It's too much. I didn't want to wake up today. I have a lot to take care of and think about but I just don't have it in me to tend to anything.
I feel numb.
Time to go underground and push everyone away after an overwhelming weekend.
A totally unexpected plan ending as a tool to rediscover your sexuality and dabbling into other's fantasies as it made you tap into your inner dom is ecstatic, especially when you've been in a constant bpd depressive episode and stuck in every other aspect of your life.
I never lost it but found something even more exciting.
I'm so sick of these destructive defense mechanisms that do protect me from getting hurt but at the same time trigger the fear of abandonment, because of which I employ these mechanisms in the first place.
What the fuck.
as the solitude comforts me,
the loneliness eats me up and
I let it.