But Being Numb/feeling Empty Is A Whole Another Level Of Worse.

On nights like this, I try to remember to be kinder to myself even if that kindness feels so wrong.

My childhood trauma didn't make me stronger. it made me a people pleaser. it made me forgive way too much. it made me not speak when i'm supposed to. it made me an extreme empath.

Just dissociating after crying and spiralling for losing a bunch of hair, courtesy of my antidepressant and lack of self care. Enough living for today.

What if I told you it's all in your head and you're not drowning but living, instead?

Mary Oliver

Along with bpd, is unreal in another dimension

having bipolar and being told you have it for the rest of your life with no cure feels so unreal to me.

Trying to not to be afraid of this energy. One of the days when I feel sorry for myself. Sigh.

👁️ ✨

Lo and Behold, the Low is here!

And so am I. Hihi.

Sigh.

— Fernando Pessoa, from “The Book of Disquiet.”