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Finla2 Rambles - Blog Posts
TW: (un-diagnosed) hypersexual thoughts
the sick feeling when those thoughts come into my mind. but I'm not diagnosed, so for now I'm js h0rny, even though im demi-sexual and not h0rny
yk what. I have to force myself out of the derealization mindset. only bc I know I will actually lose my mind and do stuff that's not great js because I'll think it won't matter bc I'm not real and nothing is and I'll get sent to a mental hospital
not seen my gf in like 2 months 😓 </3
OKAY. where do ppl in England who are younger than 16 get blades from?
Some guy:"your bra strap is on show"
yeah, and? your trousers are sagging as if they may as well not be there. why the fuck would you want people to see everything? we don't want everything to be on display. why are you a man wearing your trousers halfway down your legs with other guys with you? whore.
me telling my mum a memory I have and it always ends up being negative, she js tells me to remember something happy. how am I meant to tell her I don't remember anything positive? maybe a few things. but not many
my fnaf phase is coming back with full force-
js so u know if I like you vent post it's be giving u a hug 🫂 ❤️
apparently everyone irl thinks it's my hobby to be ignored. especially my family
finished tsoa, never talk to me again
finally got the good omens book and the first mtp book :D
sorry I've not been online in a while, I've been a bit depressed, plus we've just moved house so I've had no Internet, I'm back now though, sorry I didn't say anything about me leaving
moving house soon, I'll finally have my own room and I can cut as much as I like at night, what are my parents gonna do? watch me sleep? nu-uh.
OH FUCK- WAIT- you know how it could have been Neville to be the chosen one, what if that was because Harry never existed because James went with Regulus and they died together?!?!?
im delusional
im never opening up to my mum fully, because how am I meant to to tell the woman who gave me life, that I don't want it anymore
TW VENT
So basically, I'm js gonna start from the beginning. this Wednesday that js went I came home from school put the kettle on to make tea blah blah blah, but then I look round and fucking see MY SCISSORS AND PLASTER BOX. so then I'm panicking, feeling violently sick and i go up stairs, cry little, wash my face. my mum tells me to do my hw and just sits in front of me the whole time and then I go to put everything away and leave but she fucking tells me to stay and talks to me abt how my sister burst into tears the other day in class because I told her my intrusive thought abt cutting my neck (I'm an idiot ik) but I even told her it was an INTRUSIVE THOUGHT. so yeah. and then she was asking if I want to die, I lied obviously. then she started guilt tripping me, so basically my friend had cancer (she's not anymore) and my mum asked me if my friend knew, I said yes and she was like, "imagine how she feels, she's been fighting for her life, and you've been damaging yours!". I mean, fair enough, but GOD. yeah. I'm gonna kms, oh wait no I can't. they've taken everything from me and apparently have been looking in my "secret" place for *months* now.
hahahaha, I'm doing great 👍
love how I post this and then instantly the next day relapse
my scars fading<<<<
having more space to cut>>>>
just heard someone say "revision is just doubting you knowledge" and i cant stop thinking abt it
why cant ppl js leave me alone
me as a kid wanting to be tall enough to see myself in the mirror.
me now crying and feeling sick when I look in the mirror.