Derealization - Blog Posts

i don’t struggle with derealization. i like to think i’m pretty good at it :w

𝓛𝓮𝓽 𝓶𝓮 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓻𝓸𝓭𝓾𝓬𝓮 𝓶𝔂𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓯!

Hi!

My name online is Ray (she/they) , I'm from the UK.

I enjoy being in nature, playing the violin and a whole host of other things that i may well post about.

BOUNDARIES:

I have Derealization Disorder, so please refrain from mentioning "simulation theory" as this tends to worsen my symptoms.

I also have Tourette's syndrome so please do not purposefully trigger any of my tics (if you know what I have as tics) in my comment section!

Please just be generally respectful :)

DNI:

I don't have a full DNI yet, I may add to this.

Essentially don't be a d**k!

2.16.22 - Ghost. Some days I float through this life with my brain fogged and the world recognizable but feeling eerily off. For on these dream-like days I am simply a ghost haunting this horrid human body.

T̵͕̳̜̗̱̑̀̚͜ͅà̵̮̳͇͉̝̲̩͖͌͗̑̂͛͝ḷ̵͕̜͉̣͚̇̎k̶̢͉͓̗̦͔̦̱̉͛̓̿̊́͑̃̍̆ͅͅ ̸̧̮͕͆̒͂̓̏͊̍̕̚t̷̩̯̏̽͠o̶̡̝̞͚̤̝͙͑͑̿̓̒̓͂̚ ̶̔̇̂ͅm̴͈̜̲̬̭͍͍͝ḛ̷̗̺̙̞͚̗̣̻̺̔̆͐̀͑ ̵̣͓͙̥̥̀̾̈́̓̽͊̾̽̚a̴̩̬̬̪̪͓͔͎̒͗͠s̸̳̞̘̟̅̑͌̃͝ ̵̢̨̫͓͎̼̖̙̳̺̒̑̂͋͑̍̕͝Ì̷̤̲͍͖̺̟̟̱ ̴̧̨͍̠̝͚̬̯͍̼̈͊ä̷̢̗̲̩́̓m̶̢̨̲̙͎͌̏́̍ͅ ̶̻͚͉͊́̉͆̚̕͝ͅs̸̨̳̅l̸̪̜̦͉͌̀ȇ̶̢͖͝ě̵̯̭̪͉͇͙̙͔̋̃̏̕͝ͅp̷̨̞̦̮̼͍͈̹̭̜͌͒̀̈͆́̈͒ị̵͚̪̻̙̳̰̒̃̊̀͌͛n̵̥͙͖͉̮̏̑̈́̃́͗́͂͜͝g̷̜̤͚̿,̴̢̩̗̜̙̤͈̤̈́̅̚ ̴̥̈́́͗͊̚h̷̬̞̫́ơ̶̺͓̤͉͊̅̓l̷͓͈̩͍͖̮̜̠̝̖̽̆̓̌̈́͆̆͠d̶̢̢̮͙̯̭̩̅̔̉́͗̓͘͜ ̷͇̺͇̀̃͌̕̚m̷̟͇̣̲̠̱̭͕̅͌̓̎͋̎͌̕͝ḙ̷͙͎͖̘̩̪͍̓̎̍̈́ ̸̯̣̳̻͂̂͜w̷̢̙͚͈̪̠͌͂̇̄̎̈́͊͛ͅͅȟ̴͚̜̳͕̝̈́̈́̕̕̚͝i̶͚̻̝͂̃̈́̎͝l̷̲̠̲̉̋̽̽̇e̸̛̻̰̬͖͐̈́͠͠ ̶̡͖̖̼̫͕͔̪̅̏Í̸̡̥̜͇̙͈̘̪̫͗̄̄́̀̍’̸̨̧̺̹̞͇̩͕̜̥̇̑m̵̩̮̈͛̃ ̶̬̫̐̅d̵̬͑̿̇̅͊r̵͈̺̘̖̪͒̐̀e̸̪̹̬̭͍͓͉̘̦̦͆̈̈́̓̆͑̓͘͝ã̸̮̘̹̻̥̠̳́̀̑̀͝m̸̨͉̣͂̽̂͛̑̓̕̕͝ḭ̵̜͖̗̦̫̠̱͛̓͑ͅn̸̘̦̹̻̘̝̎͛͆ͅg̸͔̤̤̹̹̩̹̍̈́̒͘

TW // some weird ass biblical satanic hallucination shit that was originally supposed to be a flower field

yk what. I have to force myself out of the derealization mindset. only bc I know I will actually lose my mind and do stuff that's not great js because I'll think it won't matter bc I'm not real and nothing is and I'll get sent to a mental hospital

Toothache

Mirror mirror why do you show

The train that can’t be coming that slow

I feel the rumbling under my feet, in my bones and in my teeth

Mirror mirror why do you lie

Showing me a girl when I can’t fly

I feel the ache, the tears and all I’ve ate

Mirror mirror why have you forsaken me

Why don’t you show me what I could see

I see your cracks and blood and flack

Mirror mirror what have you done

What can I do to make us one

I see them here, dead and free

Why do I see them in your face, but only death stares in my place

Hi! Op Loki here in the explain-inator! Welcome those who are curious enough to step foot into the ‘keep reading’ box! I suffer from insomnia and occasional hallucinations during said insomnia episodes, which often can be somewhat useful in helping me pinpoint which part of my mental state caused this little bout of insomnia. Recently (for when I wrote this) I’ve been suffering from bodily autonomy issues due to my education’s strict policies and many people demanding my time and effort for their own conveniences. I usually have a hard time saying no to these people because they’re usually closer to me, and it got to the point where it was like ‘hold on a minute, this is *deadname*, not Legion/Loki’. When I thought about myself. And, well, the hallucination wanted to highlight the unstoppable passage of time, my autonomy issues, and the inherent dysphoria that comes with being LGBT in general. And, to do that, it chose time, mirrors, and vampires. But who am I to question- would this be Apollo? Thanks, Apollo, ik I’m still new to worship, but this helped. A lot. And Ares, for giving me the strength to fight.

i am soooo out of it todayyy i cant ground enough to do anything but read and watch stuff rahhh

nothing feels real enough todayyy