Curate, connect, and discover
it's like
"ah yes, Im so glad fiction doesn't actually have any impact on the real world or me as an individual unless I consciously allow it to!" said zuko from avatar the last airbender while standing in the walmart self checkout line waiting to buy some AA batteries
being fictionkin and proship at the same time gotta be the single biggest contradiction ever
being fictionkin and proship at the same time gotta be the single biggest contradiction ever
I had a super vivid dream last night about Wolfbloods/being a Wolfblood and it's been making me ridiculously dysphoric all day.
Honestly, the worst part isn't even my lack of non-human biology or physical traits. Yes it hurts not having my paws and my tail and not being able to shift under the full moon, don't get me wrong that causes plenty of dysphoria on its own.
But the worst part for me is knowing that if Wolfblood's were actually real they'd most likely look down on me and see me as some kind of fanatical poser, rather than one of them. Idk why it bothers me so much, they're not real so it shouldn't matter. But it really does get under my skin. I hate that I'd have no way to truly prove that I'm like them, if at the very least on the inside.
And maybe I'd feel better if I was able to study and learn more about Wolfbloods and their culture, get a sense of what it's like to actually live as one. But there's so little canonical information about what Wolfblood society is like, their history, their customs. Anything that is explicitly stated or shown in the show tends to be vague or brief, so Im just kind of left trying to piece together a puzzle that's missing most of its parts. It almost feels like Im the last of a species in a way, picking through the ruins of what others left behind. It just saddens me to know how utterly disconnected I am from where I feel like I belong and that there's nothing I can do about it. There's a scene in season 2 (i think) where a character loses her nonhuman abilities, and she longingly watches from a hillside as her pack shifts under the full moon while she's forced to remain in her human form, and every time I watch it I cant help but see myself in it on such an intense level.
Idk do any other otherkin/fictionkin ever feel like this? Does anyone have recommendations for how to cope with it, or more specifically if there's any more extensive Wolfblood lore out there somewhere?
My daily schedule according to anti-kin mfs
3am: get up to aggressively bark and howl at the moon for 2 hours, waking all of my neighbors up in the process
6am: make myself a well rounded breakfast consisting exclusively of raw deer meat
6:30am: scream and cry for half an hour because my mom is forcing me to go to school and wolves CLEARLY do not go to school. my life is hell
7am: throw all of my deodorant in the trash because it blocks my natural 💫 𝓅𝒽ℯ𝓇ℯ𝓂ℴ𝓃ℯ𝓈💫
8am: arrive at school wearing my fav buttplug tail and galaxy wolf shirt
8:30am: have a vague memory of having graduated high school already, but that cant be true because no therian is older than 16 so here i am
9am: yell at my classmates for calling me a human and tell them that they're being therianphobic, and that im going to cancel them on twitter and make sure they never get jobs
9:30am: enter psychosis
10am: angrily email the school board for the 8th time this week because they won't put litter boxes in the bathrooms for me which is therianphobic oppression
10:30am: sit alone in a corner and growl/hiss at any humans who get too close to me
11am: enter psychosis
12pm: single handedly regress the trans rights movement by 10 years
1:30pm: refuse to sit in a chair for class and instead perch up on a desk. teacher threatens to kick me out, tragically i am forced to comply
2:30pm: cast a spell on one of my religious classmates as i leave school using my evil devil anti-human anti-christian magic
3pm: more raw deer meat omnomnomnom
5pm: enter psychosis
5:30pm: burn a picture of charles darwin in my trashcan because i hate all of that therianphonic science and biology nonsense. you can't tell me what to do CHARLES
6pm: enter psychosis
7pm: enter psychosis
8pm: i curl up in my nest of roadkill bones and sheets that haven't been washed in 3 months and gently fall asleep <3
nobody talks about the struggle of having a kintype from a source that's actually just horribly cringy
it's like
"hey this piece of media is a really integral part of my identity as an individual and has had a big influence on my life, it means a lot to me and is one of my favorites :)"
"oh cool we should watch it then!"
"... no"