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What Once Was

pairing: Tamlin x Lucien

word count: 697

warnings: none

a/n: written for day 1 of @tamlinweek using the forgiveness prompt. also if i have any hotd fans you may recognize a line at the end, i just thought it worked so well for Tamlin hehe

The Spring Court was quieter than Lucien remembered.

The wind whispered through the overgrown hedges, the scent of wildflowers heavy in the warm air. The once-perfect gardens looked like they had surrendered to time—petals spilling, ivy climbing unchecked, a kind of disarray that made Lucien’s chest ache.

He hadn’t been here in months. But after that dreaded solstice where his mate kissed another and Feyre’s pregnancy where he was treated like a threat to someone he used to call a friend…he hadn’t known where else to go.

But now, his boots crunched across the gravel path that led to the manor, and he felt like a ghost in his own memory. The manor loomed in front of him, sunlit and crumbling around the edges, just like the male inside it.

Lucien swallowed hard and knocked. The door creaked as it opened on its own, and he tentatively stepped through the threshold. His steps echoed on the marble floors. His eyes roamed over the interior. Furniture destroyed, the wooden pieces scattered. Dust covered every surface and flew about the room. And the smell—Cauldron the smell—lead Lucien to believe Tamlin must be bringing his prey back here and leaving the carcass…somewhere.

Lucien was about to open a window or two when he heard the familiar tapping of claws against the floor.

“You have some nerve,” Tamlin growled. Even his beast form had seen better days. Dried blood covered his maw and his golden fur was matted.

Lucien didn’t flinch. He met Tamlin’s sharp green eyes and said, voice soft, “I know.”

“Do you?” Tamlin stalked the rest of the way into the room. “You disappeared. Left when everything was crumbling. When I was crumbling. You didn’t even say goodbye.”

Lucien looked away, jaw tightening. “I didn’t know how to face you.”

“Because of Elain?” Tamlin sneered. “Or because you abandoned your court?”

Lucien’s throat bobbed. “Because I abandoned you.”

Tamlin reared back like he had been slapped.

The tension crackled between, years of history unspoken. Lucien clenched his fists at his sides, then stepped closer. “I came back because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About you. I miss what we had—what we were before everything fell apart.”

Tamlin laughed, bitter and low. “What we had? You mean the friendship you walked away from? Or the thing you never let yourself name?”

Lucien’s voice cracked. “It had a name to me. I was just too much of a coward to say it to your face.”

Tamlin stared at him, chest heaving. “You think you can just show up and expect forgiveness?”

“No.” Lucien dropped to one knee, head bowed. “But I’ll ask anyway. I’ll beg if I have to. I failed you, Tamlin. I left when I should’ve stayed. I was selfish and afraid, and Mother help me, I regret it every day.”

Silence stretched like a chasm between them. Then there was a flash of light.

Tamlin knelt too, one hand cupping Lucien’s jaw, forcing his head up. There was pain in his eyes. Longing. The kind of grief that never quite heals. Lucien couldn’t help but notice his golden hair was longer than he remembered.

“I wasn’t perfect either,” Tamlin murmured. “I pushed you away. Let the rage win. Said things I didn’t mean.”

“You meant some of them,” Lucien said, a rueful smile curling his lips.

Tamlin huffed a laugh, eyes glinting. “Yeah. Maybe.”

Lucien’s fingers found the edge of Tamlin’s wrist, tentative. “But I never stopped loving you. Even when it hurt. Even when you hated me.”

The hand on his face tightened. Tamlin leaned in slowly like he didn’t trust the moment. Like he expected it to vanish.

Lucien didn’t let it.

He surged forward, lips meeting Tamlin’s in a kiss that was all rage and sorrow and grief. Tamlin responded with a low sound, hands tangling in Lucien’s red hair, gripping him like he might disappear.

They kissed like it was the first time. Like it was the last. Like all the pain they’d carried could finally be set down.

When they pulled apart, foreheads pressed together, Tamlin whispered, “Leave me again at your own peril.”

Lucien breathed, “Not unless you make me.”