I Didnt Need My Feelings Anyway - Blog Posts

Your Majesty

King!Jake x Servant!Reader

Angst

The large room had become filled with a draft, chilling you down to the bones as you pushed your clothes into a chest, turning towards the window for a moment.

The sun had begun to set, illuminating the valley in an array of pinks and oranges, a kaleidoscope of colours that you had always admired. You’d miss this view, but you’d miss him more.

“I’m almost finished, Mother, just a few more things to go” you spoke, before turning away from the view that so desperately tried to hold your gaze.

You were surprised to see him this late. In fact, you were surprised to see him at all, considering the past few days that had been had.

“Your Majesty” you spoke, keeping your voice low, your eyes focused on the floor.

Lifting your head ever so slightly, you could see his eyebrows raising into a look of confusion.

“Isn’t that what I’m supposed to call you now?” you replied, before kneeling back down in front of the chest, gently placing your cloth-wrapped trinkets into it, laying them out carefully.

“You can call me by my name, like you’ve always done” he replied, “Nothing has changed.”

You couldn’t help but scoff at him, before pulling yourself together.

“Don’t you see?” you continued, pulling the lid of the chest closed. “Everything has changed. Your position has changed, your family has changed, your life has changed. And it seems that I no longer have a place in it.”

He was silent, simply watching you move as you spoke.

“You promised me that when the time came, that I would be the one that came with you. That you’d stand on your balcony and announce it to the people, that it was me, that I was the one that you wanted.”

You couldn’t help but to turn from him, unable to continue watching him feign confusion.

“Yet here we are. I have to leave, and you have to ascend. How is any of this fair? How could we have spent so many years chasing this dream, only for you to throw it away? It’s your kingdom now. Who cares about the silly rules and regulations, who cares what the people would think? You are their king, you are their ruler. You make the rules. And you didn’t even try.”

He took a quiet step forward, opening his mouth to speak. “I di-“

“No, you didn’t. If you had, we wouldn’t be standing here, I wouldn’t be packing everything that I’ve ever owned into a box, and I wouldn’t be having to say goodbye.

Maybe I was foolish for thinking that it would work, maybe I was ignorant to the truth. But i trusted you. I trusted you to keep your word.”

You stood, then, making your way back to the window. You rested your hands on the ledge, your fingers intertwining with each other. Despite feeling the sting of tears threatening in the corners of your eyes, you pressed on.

“You gave me a lifetime of memories that I refuse to forget. You cannot take those away from me - they are mine to keep. Endless nights sat right here in this room, your voice ringing in my ears, promising me that everything will be okay, that once you were king, we could finally be together.

You gave me more than I could have ever asked for. You gave me your love, but you kept your heart.”

You could feel him stood directly behind you, his arms finally slipping around your waist, before turning you to face him.

Once the words had began, you found yourself unable to stop, every thought that you had spilling out of you like the chalice of the king.

“My heart does not come with me tomorrow. My heart will not sail over the waters and bear the storms in the ways that I will have to. My heart will not know the struggles that are to come. My heart will stay here. And whether you like it or not, it will always belong to you, it will always be yours. You can say whatever you’d like, be it that you’ve chosen her, or that she was chosen for you - but what I know is that my heart will never belong to anyone else.

My heart will stay here while I rot and wither away from the inside out, knowing that I cannot come home, that there is no home for me here, not anymore. “

He lifted your chin slightly, his index finger and thumb resting so gently on your skin. “I don’t want you to leave.” His voice was gentle, but commanding - as if he had already grown into his role as King.

“Your words mean nothing to me now. My ticket has been bought, and my lodgings secured. Don’t you dare forget that it was your idea for me to leave, that it would be easier for her to not have to see me around. Don’t think that I will ever forget the way that you looked at me, like I was nothing but dirt on the bottom of your boot, like i was something that could just be scraped off and discarded. It’s not that easy, Jacob, you know that it isn’t.”

His eyebrows furrowed once more as you spoke, before leaning down, his lips gently pressing over yours.

It was then that your decision had been made, pulling yourself away from his grasp, and leaning down to grab the chest into your arms.

“Let me hel-“ he began, before you turned, the tears finally flowing down your cheeks, leaving marks along the front of your clothes.

“I don’t need your help. I don’t need anything from you anymore.”

You were quick to leave the room, not daring to look back at him. What was done was done, and you were left only to fear for the future.