Curate, connect, and discover
Scientists like to say the body communicates in ways we’re only beginning to understand. And to that I say (insert explicative of your choice). Maybe that’s true for men, but it’s not true for women-or at least this woman.
Once a month my reproductive organs get mad at me for not being used to their fullest potential. They squeeze my insides until I feel like I’ve been punched by a buffalo, and then send a river of strawberry jam out of a very awkward place to have a stain.
And they do that because they’re not communicating with my brain and whatever organ holds the soul-probably one of those weird ones like the pancreas that we don’t really know what it does.
And if the reproductive organs would just talk to the brain and spleen, then they would know that we’re not anywhere close to having a baby. So stop wasting valuable blood that the brain could be using to write the next great literary hit! We could have had a movie and then a Netflix series remake by now if you had stopped forcing us to lose on average 84 days of the year and several hundred dollars worth of pads and pills and chocolate!
And with all that film money we could have been financially stable enough and relaxed enough to make several babies. But no, reproductive organs, you have to be focused on the short term. You think we’re going to somehow get pregnant at any moment and you need to be prepared. But how is that going to happen when you also give us PMS in addition to the week long shark fest?
Basically, reproductive organs, the only one you should be blaming for your abilities being wasted is you. Don’t take it out on me.