If You Squint - Blog Posts

Also, if you’re married to McGucket, does that make you the First Lady? Seeing as McGucket is president and all

I suppose that would. But never refer to me that way.

What was your wedding like? Was waddles the flower girl?

Actually, Waddles was the ring bearer. Mabel and her two friends whose names escape me (as well as Pacifica, begrudgingly) were the flower girls. There were so many flower petals that Mabel still coughs some up occasionally.

Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you

I'm sure you want to, but I'm married. Sorry to disappoint.

do you think someone who eats moss has common sense?

Yes, actually. I am acquainted with a teenager named Kris Dreemur, and they eat moss while having common sense.

stanford i got a buncha metal wires stuck all up in my beard. @ fiddlesfords

Not again. At this point, I'm just going to make you shave it off.

Does your husband have a Tumblr account?

If he does, he hasn't told me about it. He seems to be very anti-social-media. Even after everything that happened, he still has a bit of paranoia.

what if your husband was secretly the evil triangle in a flesh disguise

He's not. I repaired the encryption machine and he allowed me to see inside his head while I encrypted his thoughts.

Why do you want me to smooch a triangle so badly?

would you smooch a triangle

Yes, if it was Pyramid Steve, and just on his forehead. Pyramid Steve is adorable. Aside from that, no. I will stick to kissing my husband.

hi yeah it's me, the previous anon, stanley. did you know every day can be weed day if you try hard enough? i do now, sixer! also i was talking about the heinz guy over there, who i beat in some random competition! something called "tumbling sexyman" or something like that. and i was talking about the silly triangle guy (who was a wash)! lastly, who's ur husband and why wasn't i invited to the wedding???

-💵 pines

Fiddleford is my husband. And you were invited, but you let Gompers eat the invitation because you thought it would give him the ability to speak. Or are you too high to remember that?

Write your favorite game or show as a clickbait YouTube video title from the perspective of a random character. I'll go first.

I TRICKED MY TEACHER INTO THINKING I WAS HER CAT, BUT THE CHIEF OF POLICE IS IN LOVE WITH HER?! (EMOTIONAL)

Hey ford, pardon if someone's asked this already, but in your bio it says "married"

Who are you married to again? Genuine questio btw

A great question, too! I am married to Fiddleford McGucket. We both kept our last names because the marriage was originally for tax benefits. I'm not sure why he would have needed that, seeing as he is one of the richest men alive, but he is actually the one who suggested the arrangement.

(Even if this was already asked, which it wasn't, I love answering asks so I wouldn't have minded anyways!)

What was your first word, and when did you say it? I'll start.

When I was around six/seven months old, I said my first word, which was "Hello". My mother had phone calls with people frequently since it was her entire job, and I was holding my hand up to my head and pretending to be on the phone.

I am staying at a house right now, and everything is strangely sized. Not quite small enough for dwarves and gnomes, but too small for the average human to use.

In comparison, it makes the doors look enormous. And it certainly makes me feel taller. But I have no practical use for these. I have yet to discover a controlled method of shrinking myself.

For reference, I am 6'2". The top of my head almost reaches the top of the shower.

He ran them off. Sorry to disappoint.

He also does a little victory dance afterwards.

I'm at the Science Center right now. They're ganging up on him. They're ganging up on the pine tree.

He got them down.

I'm at the Science Center right now. They're ganging up on him. They're ganging up on the pine tree.