Kai The Collector - Blog Posts

Tai Lung: Hm...

Shen: *biblically accurate*

Kai: DON'T EVEN THINK TO FUCK HIM!!

Tai Lung: Still...

Kai: HE'S NOT EVEN CHINESE RELIGION!!

Tai Lung: No, I mean, I can.

Kai: TAI LUNG-!!

Tai Lung and Kai: Super cool and brutal

Shen: Hop Jump Ta-da!

I’m stronger than every opponent you’ve ever faced, because I am every opponent you’ve ever faced.

Tai Lung and Kai look like they've just been woken up

But Shen killed me. 💀

Kung Fu Panda 4 (2024) Dir. Mike Mitchell & Stephanie Ma Stine

Shen completely naked in a towel: TAI LUNG.

Tai Lung playing playstation: Hm? What?

Shen: When will you finally learn how to clean your hair?! *throws a large and wet ball of wool at Tai Lung*

Tai Lung quickly dodge the lump: Ew! Who would talk!

Shen: Excuse me?!

Tai Lung: I had to wash the dishes for you again!

Shen: You know I can't do that.

Tai Lung: Why?!

Shen: Yes, because my wings hint! Do you even know how difficult it is to dry with wet feathers?!

Tai Lung: Wear gloves then!

Shen: THERE ARE NO WING GLOVES!

Tai Lung: YES?! BUT GLOVES FOR HOOVES AND PAWS EXIST!

Kai: Ah! Bitch!

Tai Lung and Shen: *turn their heads sharply towards the sound*

Kai rubs his head in pain: Hey, girls. Why are we shouting?

Tai Lung: ...

Shen: ...

Kai: ...

Kai: ?

Shen: WHY DON'T YOU BEND OVER?!

Tai Lung: YES.

Kai: WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?!

*****************3 hours later*********************

They lie in the dark and try to sleep.

Tai Lung irritated: Fuck... Shen, for the sake of fucking dumplings, lie down normally and sleep!

Shen: I can't! I'm cold!

Kai: Then lie down with me! I'm warm. You could even say I'm hot~

Shen: Ew. Never.

Kai: Okay.

...

Shen: *silently crawls under the blanket to Kai*

Kai: Hehe

Shen: Shut up.

Tai Lung: YES SHUT UP.

Meanwhile at the spirit realm. Kai, Tai lung and Shen all lived together in the same bright-yellow, cozy, cottagecore apartment. And that they're the worst types of roommates with eachother to ever exist

The sink is clogged in furball (thx TL)

Shen doesn't wash the dishes

Kai occasionally ruins the ceiling with his large horns

Its canon, DreamWorks told me.

SAME

you know what…..IM GONNA SHIP LORD SHEN AND KAI AND THATS FINAL

Shen: You idiots

Tai Lung: But your idiots

Kai, taking Tai Lung's paw showing wedding rings: FOOOOREEEEVEEEEEERR

Kai: *sneezes*

Shen, who did not expect this (or rather, was scared): AAH! WTH?!

Kai:

Shen:

Tai Lung:

Shen: Uh-

Kai: OMG! Are you seriously scared? How cute!~

Tai Lung: ( ͡° ͡°)

Shen: What?! No! *smoothes feathers on the neck*

Kai: I'm so sorry, baby bird! Let daddy comfort you! *goes to Shen with outstretched arms/hooves*

Shen: FUCK OFF!! GET OFF ME! GO AWAY!! LEAVE ME!!! *steps back*

Tai Lung in the lotus position, resting his elbow on his knees, put his head on his paws: How sweet~

Kai hugging Shen: My poor baby~

Shen tries to break away, but slowly begins to get used to it: Let me go..!

Kai: No.

Shen gave up: I hate it.

Kai: *smiling*

Cameras roll

Kai and Shen turn around at the sound

Tai Lung: Nice picture. *grins, holding the phone in his paws*

Shen: TAI LUNG, HOW YOU-

Kai: Will you send it to me?

Shen: KAI!

Tai Lung: Sure

Shen: TAI LUNG!

Both: What?

Shen: AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! *trying to break out even harder*

Kai: Hush, birdy

Shen: FOR WHAT

Po, who came to check how are going: You, guys wha-...

Kai holding Shen over his head:

Shen holding a broom upside down:

Tai Lung on the ceiling:

Po: . . .

Po: What the-

Kai: Wait.

Po: Just-

Shen: Let us explain everything.

Po: I'll go tell Shifu.

Tai Lung: No, wait! *falls directly on Kai and Shen*

Po: *ran away*

Shen: fuck

Kai and Tai lung in one voice: exactly