Kroaker - Blog Posts

Ever night I lie awake with a pounding in my chest as I remember how temporary this all is. One day I and you and everyone will be dead and then there will be nothing after. I will close my eyes and my memories and thoughts and experiences and feelings will be gone. Where will they go? I am so deeply terrified to not exist. What happens to me when the electric signals in my brain stop firing? I believed that I would find the warm embrace of God after I died. Then, I feared it would be less of an embrace and more of a chokehold as God sapped away my free will and identity into the eternal bliss of heaven and praise. You do not exist if you are stripped of your pain. If I knew my Mother to be in hell and still sang God's praise, I would not be myself anymore. Then, the church reassured me that I was destined for hell, which I took some comfort in. At least I would exist somewhere, screaming in the flames. But no. You do not exist if you are stripped of your joy. Now, I fear that God is as dead as I am to be in several decades or a minute, depending on nothing but luck. Dead dead dead. I am so scared of it all going away. I cry and heave and curse but nothing can be done about it by anybody. At least no one else is as afraid as I am, even if they should be. Afraid afraid afraid. But gods, alive or dead, at least I know Muppet Hole will last forever. When all I know is gone, the worms will still taste the salty necter of my seed which I have planted in the muppet vessel of my desire. This image you sent me has brought me back to my senses. I am not afraid to die! I am not afraid of anything! I am only mad with lust and my erection is filled with knowledge. God bless