Laugh Tag - Blog Posts

"please advise" is the professional email equivalent of "girl help"

Hate how lighting a candle does wonders to my mood. Like wowwww. Grug like fire? Grug not sad anymore because Fire in Cave? Wow. Real predictable of Grug.

in the 1940s the word “boner” used to mean “huge mistake” and it still pretty much means that

Light: [moves his pawn]

L: [also moving his pawn] Ah, the bulgarian somersault. A classic move.

Light: ... [takes L's bishop with his knight]

L: Oh, that is too bad, Light. I see you've played the Frenchman's cumsock, and in approximately 37 moves I’ll have—

Light: May we please play one game of chess where you do not reference popular blog posts and/or memes about chess?

L: [mouth full of chess pieces] Hm?

WHO DID THIS  😂

hi i’m tolkien here are my ocs. i call them Elves (not elfs!!! if you call them elfs i will block you) they look like humans but they’re tall, live forever, and have pointy ears. that’s it bye

something we agreed we like about uncle vernon is that despite like, personally suffering at the hands of wizards pretty significantly (dudley’s tail, marge), vernon is like, always ready to fuck with wizards? like he is SO SCARED of them but he’s always ready to fight? please take this moment to imagine uncle vernon meeting voldemort

i’m free on thursday if you wanna start a toxic codependent thing

and when every blog is sensitive content. no one will be

hey no offense but jalapeñis lol

asexual sex workers are braver than any US marine

When he pulls down his pants and you’re not sure if you can handle it

pussy from a guy who was "the weird girl" growing up

artists fuck better because we turn sex into art, masterpieces, mattresses become canvases where we can paint our love to someone with bodies.

unrelated but one of the bad fanfiction lines that has been trapped in my head for LITERALLY 22 years was a beauty and the beast fanfic in which belle said “be careful, im a virgin in my vagina”. this has been on the tip of my tongue threatening to burst out of my mouth for decades

hey girl awesome pussy. it looks like it was expensive

hey girl are you an inadvertently created invisible wall in the level geometry of super mario 64 because i would like to penetrate you indefinitely through a gap in your floor triangles

no one wants to fuck you because you’re mean and strange

So?

sometimes when my mom gets drunk she goes into Liberated Women Mode, and one time she was real tipsy and while talking about her friend’s divorce, she very earnestly told me and my sister (both adults) that regardless of preference or relationship, she hoped we would both reach a point in our lives where we were having really good sex with really good people. and my sister said, “i do that now except the good people part” and i said, “sex is real?” and my mom didn’t love either of those answers

The longer I live the more I realize I just wanna be well fed and bottom nude all the time

Don't give me that "looking respectfully" crap I make my tits that prominent for a reason

enough preg let's litigate a new fetish. step right up who's got a good one

I feel cheated. no one on Reddit told me that tumblr is a serotonin factory. Keep liking and reblogging my posts please thanks

I don't care if Mike is hard and don't call me lemonade