Nat X Reader - Blog Posts

Angsty fic w nat? When we were young by adele is the plot tho 😏

when we were young

a/n: this is the first time i've written angst with no happy ending so enjoy😭

warnings: angst (no happy ending)

pairing: natasha romanoff x reader

summary: after a year of be ignored and shut out, the reader decides its time to leave nat, no matter how much it hurts

translations: detka=baby

words: 1.2k | natasha x reader masterlist | navigation post

likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated and welcomed <3

You woke up to an empty bed, again. You weren’t surprised, you had woken up to an empty bed every day for the past year. Nat was too busy working, hoping, searching for a solution, a way to bring everybody back. After the blip occurred, Nat turned cold, towards everyone. The redhead stays at her desk day and night, she barely paid you any attention. You had told her time and time again that she couldn't fix every problem on the face of the Earth. She refused to listen.

It hurt seeing Nat turn into a shell of her former self and you often found yourself reminiscing on old memories. You two used to go on adventures, you wanted to show her all your favorite places. You took her to amusement parks, beaches, and to your favorite parks. You used to have movie nights at least once a week, you showed her all your favorites and she showed you hers.

You missed her. You missed her raspy morning voice saying she loved you, how she would gently rub circles on your back when you were feeling overwhelmed, how she would throw her head back laughing at all your jokes.

But that Natasha was long gone. That Natasha was replaced by one who never said more than three words to you, one who never leaves the compound, one that no longer laughed at anything.

“Natasha,” you said more sternly than usual. The redhead didn’t even acknowledge you, she just kept typing. “Natasha!” You yelled this time. The redhead looked up at you with zero expression in her eyes. “You know it’s not your fault right? The blip. It’s not your fault.” You said for the millionth time this year. The redhead just sighed and went back to typing on her computer.

For the past year, you had been giving her space, reassurance, anything she could possibly need. But she just didn’t seem to care. You loved her so much, more than anything or anyone, but staying here with her was destroying you.

With tears in your eyes, you stormed out of the room and retreated back into your bedroom, you didn’t think you could even call it you and Nat’s bedroom anymore.

You looked around the room, the one filled with pictures. Ones from all your adventures. Ones from when you two were both younger when the world wasn’t in chaos.

You missed the simple days, the ones before aliens invaded New York. The ones before killer robots made a city fly. You missed just being able to hang out with Nat when you two could do what you wanted when you wanted to.

When you were younger things were easier, but now, nothing was easy.

-

Months passed and nothing changed. Nat just sat and stared at her computer, getting more and more distant every day. You were lucky if she spoke to you once a week nowadays. You yearned for her, all you wanted was to feel her touch again or to hear her beautiful voice.

You knew the good days were over. You knew Nat would never move on from this, not unless she miraculously found a way to reverse the blip.

You wished you could live in the photos in your bedroom. The photos of you and Nat laughing so hard that you could barely breathe. The ones where you two-starred lovingly into each others eyes. But you couldn’t, as much as you wished you could, you couldn’t live in photographs.

For months now you had entertained the thought of leaving the compound, of leaving Natasha. Every time you thought about it, the guilt of leaving Nat ate you alive. You couldn’t leave her, not when she was like this.

But you also couldn’t stay, not anymore. Staying was killing you. Loving her when she showed no sign that she loved you was destroying you. So as much as it hurt, you knew you had to leave.

You packed your things from around the compound without Nat even noticing. She was too busy working to notice you were taking all your things. You could have just walked out the front door without her noticing if you wanted to. But you thought you at least owed her a goodbye and you hoped she would give you some closure.

“Natasha,” you said in an attempt to grab her attention. She didn’t even look up, “Natasha I’m leaving.” No response. “Natasha I’m leaving and I’m not coming back this time.” The redhead immediately looked up at you, “What?”

“I can’t sit here and be a ghost in my own house anymore Natasha.” The redhead stared at you puzzled, “I don’t-”

“You have been ignoring my existence for over a year now! You don’t talk to me, you don’t come to bed, you don’t ever leave that damn computer!” You yelled, trying to hold back tears, you couldn’t let her see you cry, not now. “Y/N I’m sorry I just-”

“Look I know you have a lot going on right now and I know you have a lot on your plate, but you don’t make time for me anymore and it’s exhausting loving someone who clearly doesn’t care about you,” the tears started flowing down your face, over a year of emotions exploding out.

“I do love you, I love you so much, Y/N you hold me together,” Natasha said as tears formed in her eyes. “See, saying that you love me and showing me you love me are two different things.”

Natasha let out a sob, she didn’t want to be left alone. “Please don’t go, I’ll be better, I promise.”

“I can’t stay anymore, I want to believe you, but I’m tired Nat,” you said through your sobs. You advanced toward the door and for the first time in a long long while Natasha got up from her desk and ran toward you. The redhead hugged you from behind, “I can’t do this without you.”

“Natasha, please,” you cried as you melted into her touch. God, you missed her hugs. “I miss the way things were when we were younger, what happened to the adventures, the laughs, the spontaneous dates,” you spilled out, her hugs always made you open up.

“I miss that too,” Nat sobbed out, almost collapsing to the floor.

The two of you stood in silence, Natasha still gripping onto you tightly. You both stood and appreciated what was what you both knew was the last time you would ever touch one another.

“Nat I need to go,” you said in a barely audible whisper. “I know,” Nat said, equally as quiet. The redhead slowly released her grip on you.

You opened the door and took a deep breath, “Goodbye Natasha.” You closed the door before you could hear her say anything in response. Immediately, you fell to the ground sobbing, Natasha was your soulmate, your other half. Leaving her hurt you more than any wound you have ever had.

You thought one day you two would get married, settle down, get some of the life Steve was always telling you to get. But that wasn’t you and Nat’s story, not in this lifetime at least.

Maybe in another lifetime Nat.

Missing in Action

Natasha x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 700

Notes: Last drabble of the night in the NEB universe.

You’re not sure what has you more stressed the crying baby in front of you or the fact that your wife is not home yet. You’ve called Natasha twice now to see when she’d be home from her mission and she hasn’t picked up either time. You should be used to it by now. You know how it goes. She’s home when she can be. She’s stopped taking longer missions after you had Ryan but this was a pressing matter. An alien attack of some sort. She’s in another country - last you heard Norway. She told you on her last phone call a week ago. She talked your ear off about how much you should visit and how much she misses you. She promised she wouldn’t miss Ryan’s first Christmas for the world. She wants to be there when he opens his presents. She wants to see the snow with you. Just like she does every year.

She promises to be home until she can’t be. It’s the procedure. She’s gone ghost as you like to call it. No calls, no texts, and certainly no emails. It’s a part of her job. It’s important to her. Sometimes you think more important than you.

No. You shake your head free of those intrusive thoughts. They’re frequent these days. The negative thoughts. Sometimes your mind plays tricks on you. Telling you you’re not worthy of Natasha’s love. You’re not worthy of anyone’s love. Some days you can’t get out of bed only opting to feed Ryan and play with him for as long as you can stand it. You feel like you’re drowning and the only person to talk to is unreachable. The only person that can drive away those dark thoughts and insecurities isn’t here. It hurts, even more, to think about.

Ryan is crying again for what seems like the fifth hour in a row. He just won’t stop. He’s teething. You know he’s in pain but nothing you do works. Not cold compresses, not Orajel on his gums, none of the remedies you read online. It seems the only thing that even remotely calms him is being in your arms and you can’t get anything done with him screaming in your ear. It’s a frustrating feeling as a first-time mom. He’s sitting across from you, clean, dry, seemingly tired but unwilling to fall asleep. You sit looking at him with your phone in one hand and a teething ring in the other. Your back is pressed against the couch, your knees are drawn to your chest, as you simply watch him. His face is angry and red. He wants your comfort but you can’t give it to him.

For a moment, you zone out. Life before marriage, before the baby, before everything was simpler. There was no one depending on you. There wasn’t that feeling of emptiness deep inside you. Natasha didn’t believe you when you told her. She told you sometimes these things take time. When would that be? You didn’t feel a connection to the baby boy sitting there. You didn’t feel that instant love like she did. You never wanted to admit it but sometimes you wondered how you did it. You’re supposed to love him. You do love him. Why didn’t it feel the same? Every time you looked at him you felt that resentment boil inside of you. Babies were supposed to be happy things. You had been so thrilled to find out you were pregnant. Why didn’t any of this feel right?

Postpartum depression. You’ve researched it well enough to think you have the symptoms but you can’t right now. Thinking about it makes it real and you don’t want it to be real. It’s a sign of weakness and you won’t show it. Now when all he has right now is you. Your feelings didn’t matter. You crawl the few feet across the floor to place Ryan on your lap. He rubs his face across your shirt as he sobs even louder. He’s in pain and you can’t even do anything to make it better.

You wish Natasha were here. She always knows what to do. She knows how to make him feel better. She is a better mother than you could ever be and you both know it.

“I’m sorry you’re stuck with me,” You whisper to the top of his head as you finally let the tears you’ve been holding fall.

Period Pains

Natasha x Reader

Notes: Made this because I'm in bed wishing I had a girlfriend to come cuddle me

Word Count: 1k

You can feel the disappointment settled deeply in your bones the moment you wake up. The unsettling feeling low in your abdomen causes you to sigh. It’s a frustrating feeling and you should be used to it by now. Yet it never seems to stop bothering you. You reach across the bed to feel for Natasha only to be met with nothing. She must be out training. You sit up slowly, hoping to ease the pain in your belly, as you try to wake up enough to go to the bathroom. Another month. Another week of pain. You plant your feet on the ground, hands pressed against the bed, as you push yourself to a standing position. You shuffle the few feet across the room to reach the bathroom. You reach under the bathroom sink to find a sanitary napkin before dropping down onto the toilet seat. You swipe at the tears in your eyes at the sight of blood in your panties. It shouldn’t feel like this. It shouldn't be this way. Deciding that you feel icky, a shower is the only way to get you feeling decent enough.

You stand again, flushing the toilet behind you before walking over to the shower. You turn it to the hottest setting you can stand before tossing the panties and your sleep shorts into the nearby hamper. You wait for the water to heat up before stepping under the shower. You can barely stand and everything feels unstable. Your head hurts, your breasts are tender, your legs feel shaky beneath you. You make quick work of cleaning yourself, hoping to alleviate some of the pain in your lower back as the water rains down on you.

Natasha will be home soon. Then she can come and lay with you. All you want is Tasha.

You step out of the shower to wrap yourself in a towel rushing to your bedroom to put on a pair of panties and the sanitary napkin. You’re not even going to try tampons. No matter how many times people recommend it having something inside of you seems to hurt. So you stick to pads. It’s a simple step and you toss the wrapper in the trash. You avoid looking at yourself in the mirror. Everything hurts. You try not to think too hard as you reach inside of the medicine cabinet for extra strength Midol. The only thing that makes periods bearable for you. You pop open the packaging, pushing the pills into your mouth, before turning on the sink. You cup your hands under the running water to sip the water. It’s enough for you to swallow and you do so with a frown.

Giving one final glance to the bathroom to make sure it’s clean, you rush back into your bedroom. You dig through Natasha’s drawer for one of her oversized t-shirts. It used to be Clint’s but now it’s hers. It smells like her laundry detergent and it brings you comfort while you wait for her. You stretch it over your head straightening it down your body. You don’t care about pants right now. It would only annoy you to have the fabric over your sensitive skin right now. You crawl into the middle of the bed pulling the covers over your head. You just want to sleep.

You don’t realize that you actually do fall asleep until Natasha is brushing her fingers along your face. She whispers for you to wake up and you do with a whimper. The pain comes back at you full force as you blink your eyes open.

“Hey, J.A.R.V.I.S. informed me you weren’t feeling well,” She speaks in a hushed tone. Her brows knit with concern and she gestures to the tea and hot water bottle sitting on the nightstand. “I brought reinforcements.” She says.

“Yeah,” You whimper again tears shining in your eyes now. “Hold me?” You ask. You don’t care how you look. You’re in pain and you want her. Natasha doesn’t hesitate to crawl into bed. You lift, waiting expectantly for her to find a good position, and that’s when you notice what she’s wearing. A simple black tank top, no bra, and biker shorts. She must have showered when she got here. She pulls you into her arms as she lies against the pillows. She reaches with her left hand to grab the hot water bottle pressing it against your back. You flinch slightly before sighing in relief at your aching muscles fighting against the heat.

“You got your period?” She guesses and you nod against her collarbone. She kisses the top of your head. She knows the first few days of your period leave you practically bedridden. She rubs her thumb soothingly against your bare arm under the sleeve of your shirt. You listen to her breathing for a few seconds finding the constant beating almost lullaby-like.

“I’m sorry, Tasha.” You say suddenly. “It’s not fair.” You press your face further into her body clutching her shirt between your fingers as another wave of cramps hits you. She knows what you mean.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” She soothes. “We can try again.” She promises. “If you want. Only if you want.” She says. She’s so understanding. She’s always so understanding with you. You close your eyes, trusting her to keep you safe, as you try to relax.

Natasha’s hand that had been rubbing your arm travels down your body and under your t-shirt. She reaches just slightly under the waistband of your panties, pausing her fingers when you tense under her. You’re sensitive but you nod against her to continue. She presses just slightly on the skin there. Right, where you feel the most pain. She massages gently and you whine. Her touches are gentle and caring as she tries to alleviate some of the pain you’re feeling. It seems to be working as you feel the muscles under her fingers relax just slightly.

“I love you,” You whisper to her.

“I love you too,” She whispers back.