Nt:ivan - Blog Posts

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The man’s jaw tensed, the apologies falling on deaf ears as he stared her down. “After the attacks they put me in solitary most of the time to keep me safe, prison deaths make for a whole lot of paper work, so I’ve been told. I wrote to you as much as I could. The least you could have done was visit me.” Ivan shook his head, a hand then combing back through his hair as he took a step back away from her, his anger once again rising to the surface. “You knew what you were getting yourself into, I was nothing but honest with you. I told you who I was the very day we met. You should have expected that something like this would have happened eventually.” The thick Russian accent struggled and stumbled around every single word as his blood boiled. “You were my safe haven. You were my light in the dark. You were everything to me, Natalie. Now.. I have nothing. All because you were lonely.” Ivan shook his head once again, his words bitter and unrelenting. The man usually detached himself from such situations, he usually refused to allow himself to feel, but when it came to Natalie.. He couldn’t stop himself.

The tears were falling now. She couldn’t help but to feel sick as she heard Ivan recount his time in prison. The guilt flooded her. It was easy to push it away before. There was a distance between them, not to mention she had convinced herself he wasn’t coming back home to her. “Ivan, I tried to visit you! So many times. They wouldn’t let me see you. They said it was something to do with your paperwork. I just convinced myself that you didn’t want to see me.” Natalie stepped closer to him, wanting to comfort him somehow, to show him she still cared. “That was good enough for me at the time, but these past years have been hard. It made me realise I wanted a safer life - a stable one with someone who would always be around.” The blonde hated herself for what she was saying, but he deserved her honestly. “I’m sorry Ivan.” 

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The feeling in his chest was unfamiliar to Ivan, it was something that he’d never felt before nor did he ever want to feel again. Whatever it was, it made him feel weak. Being in the career he was, weakness was something that he shouldn’t have. The rest of his crew had warned him against getting involved with someone on the outside, yet he’d gone and done it anyway. That’s just the kind of person he was, when told to do something, you’d likely find him doing the complete opposite out of spite. As Natalie spoke, Ivan’s eyes softened momentarily. Her voice always had a way of soothing him when his anger got the better of him. Blinking, he then shook his head, once again letting his anger take hold. “You think I don’t know that? Five years I sat in my cell, giving up my reputation for you. I had inmates coming at me every day but I never fought back. Not once. For you. To get out early.. For you.” Ivan made his way toward her, searching her face for any sign of remorse. “After I gave myself up, after I let myself get beat down, this is how you repay me.”  

Natalie looked down, feeling ashamed. She couldn’t face him. That look in his eyes. “I’m sorry Ivan, I really am. I never planned for any of this to happen. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you, but it had been so long since I heard from you.” Natalie tried to explain, even though she knew he wouldn’t understand. “I just needed someone, and I needed someone who was going to put me first. I was never your priority, and I knew that wasn’t going to change when you got out.” She could feel her face flushing as the tears rose to her eyes. She wiped them away angrily, annoyed at herself for getting so emotional.

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CLOSED starter || ft. @littledaydreamers​

Five years later, here he was finally outside those dull grey concrete walls he’d grown to call home. Luckily, he’d managed to get out on good behaviour. Ivan couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like for those that had to spend a lifetime behind bars. But alas, even seeing the inside of a cell hadn’t stopped him from making his way straight back to the bratva. They were his family, from a young age he’d been raised them, they had taught him everything he knew and forged him to be the most brutal of all their enforcers. After linking up with his chosen family, Ivan’s next port of call was his lover.. He wondered if they had kept their promise. When the man had initially been captured, he had one phone call, and that one phone call was to them.. His lover had promised that they would wait, that they wouldn’t love again until he returned to them. Ivan knew there would be hell to pay if the promise had been broken. Making his way to the home which he knew to belong to the other, the Russian popped the collar of his leather jacket, licking his lips as he made an attempt at composing himself before knocking. Though, before he had chance to even walk up the driveway, he saw someone leave through the front door, placing a kiss to the lips of his significant other as the left. Fire burned behind the azure hues of the man as his hands balled into fists. “And here I thought promises were not so difficult to keep.” The man spoke out, the Russian twang to his accent evident through the anger in his words as well as the raised volume at which he spoke.

It had been five years. Five long years. She wasn’t even the one that had received the prison sentence, but it felt like it. After all, she’d lost the person she loved. Her life felt like it had been paused as she waited for him to return, yet somehow she had to carry on. Natalie had promised Ivan that she would wait for him, and she had meant it, but five years was a long time. She hadn’t meant for anything to happen. It was just two friends going for a few drinks or well, that’s all it was meant to be. The next thing she knew, she woke up in bed next to him. Natalie wanted to regret it but she didn’t. She’d been faithful and waited for nearly four years. She felt bad for cheating on Ivan, yet at the same time it didn’t seem fair that she had to wait five whole years for a man that continuedly picked a dangerous life style over her. Nothing would change when he got released, if he even got released. And so she had chosen herself for once. She owed it to herself to see where things went with Lucas. Yet, somehow, she couldn’t help the shock and the wave of emotions hit her as she heard Ivan’s voice. Gently pushing Lucas aside, she looked down the driveway, not quite believing her own ears. She looked at Ivan, mouth agape, not really knowing what to say. Natalie turned back to Lucas and told him to get back into the house. She could already hear the venom in Ivan’s voice and the last thing she wanted was him hurting Lucas. “Five years Ivan, it’s been five years.”