Ought To Know - Blog Posts

Words aren't everything I swear- I'll die screaming this!!

"Sorry if I hurt you" the only thing that can make this insincere is the intention behind it. I promise you there are people who've learnt the art of saying the right thing without meaning any of it. It's not a manipulative tactic because let's face it sometimes we do things and we don't anticipate the outcome. I'm acknowledging that I hurt you even though that wasn't my intention. You've gotta see that.

What's manipulative is craftly wording apologies, or requests to throw people for a loop. What's manipulative is saying, "sorry that I hurt you" when you don't mean shit, you're not apologetic, you're just saying that to get back in someone's good graces.

I'll scream that till my face is blue. It doesn't mean you shouldn't be intentional with your words, I just need you to understand that even intentionally worded apologies will do you no good and this is where I agree with Nina if they don't take accountability and understand the impact of their actions.

When I say, "sorry if I hurt you, but-" what I mean is when I did said action hurting you wasn't my intention but now I know doing that hurt you and for that I am sorry. This is where I'm coming from. I didn't just set out to hurt you. And this shouldn't excuse repeat offenders, because they knew and still went ahead and did it. This is only for those out of the blue, once in a while times.

Sorry if I hurt you, but- I was triggered//I was having a bad day//you touched a sore spot//I didn't know this was a sore spot for you// I think it's important to also see where someone is coming from. What's important for me is intention. What's important is honesty. What's important is that you see that what you did hurt me and you avoid a repeat of it if we have a conversation about it. If you don't hold space for each other to be honest, true and vulnerable what's the use? What's the use of surface level apologies and communication because this is what you should say or this is how you should say what needs to be said?

In essence words will never be able to capture all that we're trying to convey.

"You can come if you want to," that offers me grace and space. It doesn't put pressure on me like, "I want you to come" because then there's not a lot of wiggle room for me when I want to back out. For some of y'all that spells doom, that they didn't want you there and if they wanted you there they would've said something along the lines of -

That's your interpretation. That's you reading between the lines. That's your comprehension of what they said. You can either ask for clarity or jump to your own conclusions.

I'll add more common phrases I've come across as I remember them.

I've been told I lack social skills 😂😂