Pls Read - Blog Posts

can i change the world?

The fact I’m a child concerns me. I'm fifteen as of now. I'm impulsive and make stupid decisions with those impulses. My voice sometimes increases to the point where my throat hurts with how high-pitched I'm talking and other times it's so monotone my head starts to hurt. I'm still figuring out life while others are far beyond me with knowledge. I think I know better and the world somewhat revolves around me and, as I'm writing this, it proves I still think that. The point I'm trying to make is I can't change the world. 

I could be like Gretta Thunberg who's changing the world one speech at a time. But the problem is I'm not. Unlike her, I still feel like a child. A kid whos worried about what I'm going to wear tomorrow and spends an ungodly amount of time on her phone. I'm a Gen Z kid who relates too much with others yet not at all. A baby who hopes to be better. Better at being a kid or adult or better at just everything.

I can't make life-changing art even if I wanted to, having the power to move someone through paint or word seems too daunting. When I grow older I wish to have a stable job and even more stable relationships. And I get that will be weird to some that I don't want to be rich and famous, like many others, but the pressure of that lifestyle is not something I want to bear. I dont want to stand out, and if I can't stand out, how will I change the world? The simple fact is I won't. Won't even dent it. Not a scratch. I'm okay with this as a child you have to be. 

Knowing whatever you do now whether great or small will always be clouded with the knowledge you're a kid from others. Because I'm ‘good at that for a kid’ and ‘you'll be better when you're an adult. 

I won't make art that will change generations’ mindset and I can't fight wars or be a part of something big because I'm a child…

I feel like I'm making excuses. 

Could I change the world? 

Or fight wars?

Or sow that dress I want to?

Am I making excuses?

I won't ever know because ill lay in bed on my phone watching adults do just that.

FUCK I LOVE THIS FIC, PLEASE READ IF YOU LIKE PIRATES

This shit had me fucking balling. As someone who has seen the movie and wants to read the book I wasn’t expecting to cry as much as I did, I think the gays got to me. If you get the chance please do read this and if you haven’t please also at least watch the movie.

hi! pls read!!

i'm taking a break from tumblr! i'm not sure how long it will last but i need some time away from everything for a little bit. i started this blog back in august, only a couple months after the loss of a very close family member. i guess i started it so i could cope with my loss but i ended up putting too much on my plate. i haven't fully processed everything and i don't think i'll be able to for a while. but i think taking this break will give me enough breathing room. i'm not sure if i'll still post fics and nothing else, but i will pop in from time to time to see what's going on. i love this fandom and it's really helped me cope but right now i'm just a little overwhelmed. you guys have been the absolute sweetest and i'm so thankful for that!! but i need to invest all of my time into myself right now, i hope you all can understand. just remember, my inbox is always open if you need to chat!

thank you for reading if you made it this far :) and thank you for all your support! it means more than you’ll ever know <3