Plush Hell Never Ends - Blog Posts

So yes, I am a Hawks simp. I love him beyond what I can even explain but sometimes, I stare at the owl plush I have and ask myself, am I CHEATING on Hawks for my owl plush??? Don't get me wrong, I'm no fan of cheating in relationships, but that birdbrain doesn't take much fancy to other birds apparently and I have a bird plush so......? Oh dear, I just cheated on someone who doesn't exist with something that isn't alive 👁👄👁

Hawks is absolutely disgusted. He has no time for plush sluts. Women just open their legs for the first cuddly guy they see, don’t they? What do they have that he doesn't, huh? Childish taglines? Clearance discounts? Is this how low our standards have gotten?

He remembers a girl he hooked up with. Beautiful, respectful, great personality...she seemed perfect. Maybe he should ask if she wants to be more than a casual hookup.

But then she took him to her place, and that’s when he met her roommates.

There wasn’t even a hint of shame as she talked about where she met each one. “The Dollar Store?” Is she fucking serious? Clearly Hawks was mistaken; this bitch doesn’t value herself at all.

He left and didn’t look back. She can go ahead and lay in her bed filled with squishy lovable bastards that see her as nothing more than meat. And he could tell from just a glance that the chicken on the far right is doing meth. 

It’s not his problem. Those are the men she chose.