Curate, connect, and discover
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--Looks like Suction Cup Man's in hell! Can he survive Satan's wrath? Or will his annoying attitude get him demolished?--
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|Lee - Suction Cup Man -- Ler - Satan|
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"FUCK THE HIGHWAY!! YOU CAN'T KILL SUCTION CUP MAN!! LOOK AT ME G--"
Famous last words. Suction Cup Man got hit by a car, then got hit by another car, then was set on fire. Guy Business gulped and closed the window to his building.
Suction Cup Man fell through a red portal and onto the hard rocks below. He groaned and blinked, not being able to see properly. He shook his head and fluttered his eyes all the way open. His eyes widened as he saw fire, smoke, red rocks, and a wall behind him. He spun around, observing everything. He heard a low growl from behind him. He stiffened and slowly turned around. Satan himself... was standing right behind him.
"Greetings sinful o--"
"WHERE THE FUCK AM I?!--" Suction Cup Man raised his voice, his eyes darting around. He was more confused than scared. "Uh-... you're in hell--... tha... that's so obvious wha..." Satan mumbled to himself, pinching the bridge to his nose. He huffed and cleared his throat, straightening his posture.
"Greetings, sinful one! Welcome to your EnTERNAL damnation!"
"Oh, LORD!"
"For your MANY... many... misdeeds, you will suffer everlasting pain throughout a THOUSAND lives!"
"Oh GOD!"
"We shall begin with 100 years in the pit of FIRE!!"
"OH JESUS!!"
"O-Okay..., can you stop with all the... 'God Talk' we... we don't do that here." Satan muttered, crossing his arms, his intimidating manner disappearing quickly. "Well, excuuuuuuse me, beardo! It's not like I CHOSE to be here!" Suction Cup Man said, offended.
"ENOUGH!"
Suction Cup Man felt the ground shake under him as tiny rocks fell from the sky (and / or ceiling). "Woah, hey! Watch where you're screamin'!" SCM put his hands on his hips, annoyed.
"I--..." Satan sighed and inhaled.
"Bow before me, HEATHEN, and face your punishme--"
"HEY! What's that??" Suction Cup Man pointed upward. Satan raised an eyebrow and looked up to where Suction Cup Man was pointing. "That is the gateway from which the sinful arrive." Satan explained, looking down at Suction Cup Man. "It don't look like a gateway!" "But... but it is..." "It looks like portal! A red milk portal!" Suction Cup Man raised and shook his hands in the air with a smile on his face. "...I-... I'm sorry... red milk?.. Did... do you mean... Strawberry Milk?" Satan asked, genuinely confused. "Oh yeah! Strawberry Milk! Ye-Yeah, that!" Suction Cup Man, put his hands on his hips, proud of himself. "I thought Strawberry Milk was pink..." "Well you're clearly color blind!" "I- NUH UH!!" Satan huffed. "Yuh uh." "Nuh uh." "Yuh uh." "Nuh uh." "Yuh uh." "Nuh u--"
A person fell from the portal, screaming as he landed on his face in front of Suction Cup Man. SCM shrieked and jumped back. "...Well people have no manners these days..." Suction Cup Man grumbled, crossing his arms and looking away. "Hi, welcome to Hell. Enjoy your punishment." Satan said, waving his hand a little as the guy responded by running off and crying. Suction Cup Man took note from where the guy fell and looked up at the gateway. He thought for a moment before speaking "What happens if I go back through it?" "Go back through what?" "Y'know, the Strawberry Milk portal!" Suction Cup Man bounced a little, being impatient. "Oh... pff, hah! No one can return to the land of the living!" "Not EVEN if I go back through it?" Suction Cup Man asked, doing a shrugging motion with his arms. "We-Well... you can't do that." "Why not?" Satan stayed silent as he looked around before looking back down at the human. "...You're not supposed to..." "Well FUCK that!" "Excuse me--" "I can do what I want! I'm Suction Cup Man!" Suction Cup Man huffed, pulling out his suction cups, and climbing the wall that was behind him. "Wha-- HEY!!" Satan shot yellow (golden?) lasers from his eyes above Suction Cup Man's head. He screamed and fell down to the ground and on his ass. Satan growled and disintegrated the suction cups to dust. Suction Cup Man's mouth hung open in horror before looking at Satan. "The FUCK was that for?!" Suction Cup Man got up and dusted himself off, turning around to fully look at him. Satan growled lowly before speaking.
"YOU have no choice in this matter! You WILL face your punishments accordingly to PAY FOR YOur--..."
Satan was so lost in his words, that he didn't even notice until now that Suction Cup Man was climbing the wall AGAIN. "What are you doing?.." Satan asked, getting more pissed off by the second. "Got bored, FUCK you, I'm leaving!" Suction Cup Man said, climbing up the wall with his suction cups. "I-... get off that WALL!!" Satan screamed, getting extremely pissed off. "Make me, gaint ketchup bottle!" Suction Cup Man remarked back. Satan blinked and turned to his mirror as his reflection turned into an, indeed, giant ketchup bottle.
"*GASP* How DARE you speak to me in this manner! I am the Prince of DARKNESS! The harbinger of ALL that is EVIL!! You are in MY realm! You WILL bow to me or face the consequences!"
"...FUCK YOU! Look at me GO!!" Suction Cup Man ignored Satan's threats as he climbed further up the wall. Satan growled in annoyance. He was about to respond with violence again, but he stopped. He paused for a second before snapping out of his thoughts. If it worked in the living world... it'll work here. Suction Cup Man felt himself being levitated away from his suction cups. "WOAH, SHIT!!" He squirmed around in the energy that was lifting him up in the air. Then he felt himself falling onto the ground, face first. He groaned and got on his knees, looking up in pain. And literally almost jumped out of his skin when he saw Satan's face in front of his. "Fuck man, what the--" before Suction Cup Man could finish, he felt himself being scooped up into Satan's hand as now he was (sorta) eye-level with him. "...What the hell are you doing?" Suction Cup Man asked, scooting away a little. "Just a little... experiment..." Satan said calmly. "Huh?" Suction Cup Man mumbled in confusion. He saw Satan's claw lift his shirt up a little. "...H-Hey-- what are you..." he felt himself shake a little. "Just giving you one hell of a punishment..." then, he felt Satan's claw lightly circle around his belly button. Ah, shi--
"PFF-- BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! H-HEHEHEHEHEY!! WHAT THE FUHUHUHUHAHAHAHAHACK?! *hic* OOHOOHOHOHOHOH NOOHOHOHOHOHO! *snort*" Suction Cup Man tried to push Satan's hand off, but in this state, he couldn't do anything. "Awh, I guess you got even MORE ticklish after that weird old guy tickled you." When Satan brought up Guy Business into the story, one of Suction Cup Man's eyes shot open. "YOU-- YOU KNOHOHOHOW ABOUT THAHAHAHAT!? *squeal* AHAHAHA NOHOHOHOHO!!" Suction Cup Man kicked his legs a little. "Yup. I know plenty!" Satan said, smugly. Suction Cup Man just slammed his eyes shut so he didn't have to see that stupid smirk on Satan's face. "But, aren't you a grown man? Or are you a ticklish little boy inside a grown man's body?" "NOHOHOHO SHUHUHUHUT UHUHUHUP! *snort*" "Such a snorter!" "F-FUHUHUCK YOU!! *hic*" he squirmed under Satan's claw. "Just stay stillllll~" "NEHEHEHEHEVER!!" Suction Cup Man refused. He shrieked when he felt the claw lightly tickle under his underarm. "EEK-- N-NOOHOHOHOHOHO!! OH, YOU AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHASS!! *hic*" he covered his face with his hands, kicking his legs more now. Satan lightly squished Suction Cup Man's belly. "*squeal* NOHOHOHO!! *snort* JEHEHEHEHESUS CHRIHIHIHIHIST!! AHAHAHAHAWH NOOOHOHOHOHO!!" "No? No, what? Dohon't squish your belly?~" Satan chuckled a little at Suction Cup Man's reaction. "DOHOHOHOHON'T CAHAHAHAHALL IT THAHAHAHAT!!" "Pff, what? Belly? You get embarrassed by the word belly? What about tickle? Tickle. Tickle. Tickle. Tickle... Tickle~" Satan teased, watching Suction Cup Man's face get even more red. "SHIHIHIHIHIT!! I HAHAHAHATE YOU!! JUST SHUHUHUHUT UHUHUHUHUP!!" "Y'know, you've HARDLY asked me to stop..." Satan pointed out, grinning. "...I think you may like this~" "I DOHOHOHOHON'T!! I DON'T AT AHAHAHAHAHALL!! YOU'RE SO MEEHEHEHEHEHEAN!!" "That's kinda the point, pal." Satan lightly traced his claw up and down SCM's ribs. "*snort* NOHOHO!! P-PLEHEHEHEHEASE!! OHOHON ALL THAT IS F-FUCKING H-HOOOHOHOHOHOHOLY STAAAHAHAHAHAHAP!! *hic*" "HOLY?! Aw, we talked about this heaven/God Talk, BUD!!" Satan inhaled deeply and blew a small yet big raspberry on Suction Cup Man's stomach. And he fuckin' SCREEEAMED. "AAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!! NOHOHOHO-- W-WAHAHAHAHAIT!! I'M SORRY!! I'M SOHOHOHOHOHORRY!!" Suction Cup Man felt tears starting to fall down his cheeks slightly. "I think you took this well enough." Satan said, stopping and putting Suction Cup Man back on his suction cups.
Suction Cup Man panted and huffed, holding onto his suction cups for dear LIFE. "You... ehevil... mother... hehe-- f-fuhucker..." He shook his body a little to get the ghost tickles off. "That's why I'm the Prince of Darkness!" Satan said proudly, putting his hands on his hips with a grin. "Yeah, yeah... oh! Also! I wrote cha a song!" Suction Cup Man announced, looking over at Devil with a big smile. "...You did?" "Yep! And it goes a little somethin' like this..." He pulled out his guitar and played it once, inhaled, and...
"Go eat a dick! That's right, go eat a dick! Go eat a dick, dick, dick! Go eat a big ol' dick! Go eat a dick!" Suction Cup Man sang, playing his guitar and climbing all the way up, dodging every powerful gust of yellow/golden power ball shot at him. "*Harmonica Noises*" Suction Cup Man jumped into the portal and escaped Hell.
"...You eat a dick, you..." Satan grumbled as he stormed away from that spot, pouting.
"I TRIED to warn him he was drifting towards the highway--" Guy Business explained to the cops. "--but he passed it off by saying something like... "Fuck The Highway, You Can't Kill Suction Cup Man." Guy Business said, shrugging. The people in the back looked concerned as they saw the white sheet move, and saw Suction Cup Man pop out from under. "And also, "Look At Me Go!" at the end there!" Suction Cup Man added, smiling. "Right, he also said "Look At Me g-..." Guy Business's voice trailed off as his eyes widened. "SHIT!!"
Suction Cup Man sat up and walked over to the three. "Officer, arrest this man for attempted murder!" Suction Cup Man said, pointing at Guy Business before putting his hands on his hips. "We know who you are... and we're not doing that." Paul Ease, statted, raising an eyebrow. "Fair enough. Same time next week, business dummy?" Suction Cup Man asked with a smile on his face. "Go to hell." Guy Business responded, coldly. "Trust me, never going there again..." "Wha--" before Guy Business could answer, he shrieked when Suction Cup Man poked his stomach and ran off, jumping off the bridge, gliding through the air with another parachute.
❤️End🤍