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joycefm​:

    hand  freezes  on  the  refrigerator  handle  at  cole’s  words.  again,  she’s  not  surprised  at  all.  lonnie  had  always  tested  joyce’s  trust  -  she  wasn’t  stupid  nor  was  she  blind.  she  saw  how  people  looked  at  him  in  high  school  and  she  chose  to  ignore  it..  simply  because  she  thought  she  was  head  over  heels  in  love.  and  well…  she  definitely  was  at  the  time.  there  was  a  lot  of  love  there  at  one  point  but  the  idea  of  happily  ever  after  with  lonnie  didn’t  last  long  when  she  started  catching  him  out  on  lies,  multiple  fights..  she  could  go  on  and  on.  “i  mean..”  she  started,  a  small  shrugging  following  as  she  moved  back  towards  cole  to  take  a  seat  next  to  the  other.  “i  thought  there’d  be  more  of  you,  honestly.”  there  probably  was.  joyce  knew  well  that  lonnie  was  up  to  no  good  —  it  was  more  surprising  to  her  that  lonnie  had  been  cheating  on  her  way  before  she  picked  up  on  it.

    “it’s  fine,  cole.  you’re  fine.”  it  wasn’t  like  you  could  chose  your  parents  -  lonnie  byers  certainly  shouldn’t  have  been  anyone’s  first  choice.  “he  sucks  even  more  for  not  being  in  your  life..  you’re  a  good  kid.”  it  just  reminded  her  of  will  -  it  wasn’t  like  lonnie  was  around  much  for  him  either.  not  to  mention  the  name  calling  and  the  fights  that  came  along  with  all  that.  “either  way..  i’m  not  surprised  at  all  and  i  promise  you  that  you  aren’t  missing  out  on  anything  with  him.”  hand  reaches  out  towards  his  shoulder,  giving  it  a  small  squeeze.  “but  that  also  means  you’re  family  now.”  joyce  smiles  wide,  looking  for  the  positive  in  the  whole  situation.  “have  you  told  jonathan  and  will?”

Cole kept his eyes trained on Joyce, watching her hand freeze and looking for any indication of what was going on in her head. He’d imagined this moment dozens of time in the last hour, many more in the last five years. He knew he couldn’t expect her to welcome him with open arms; even if she didn’t love Lonnie anymore, Cole’s existence was evidence that Lonnie had been running out on her for a long time. That was enough of a reason to resent someone, in Cole’s mind. When she finally spoke, Cole let out an involuntary sigh of relief. If it weren’t so fucked up, Cole would’ve laughed at her comment-- I thought there’d be more of you. What a fucking asshole. “I know it wasn’t me, but... for what it’s worth, I’m sorry he was such an ass. Sorry that you all had to deal with him.” 

And then, Joyce offered the thing Cole hadn’t dared ask for: acceptance, permission to exist without guilt. He felt pressure behind his eyes and tried to blink it away; he so desperately didn’t want to make this a thing. “Thank you,” he breathed, glistening eyes meeting yours. Cole laughed at himself, swiping at his face, “I don’t know why I’m crying.” But he knew; he had never, in a million years, expected that he’d be welcomed into a family that, for all intents and purposes, wasn’t his. Should have never been his. He never even thought that anyone other than his mother would consider him family or look out for him, and in one single moment he was offered an entire family unit. 

Joyce’s remark shook Cole out of his thoughts. He nodded, readily agreeing that he wasn’t missing out on dad of the year. Eyes dropping to his hands, Cole shook his head. Then, lifting his gaze to meet Joyce’s eyes, he explained: “No.. I wanted to make sure you knew first. And, I guess, ask for your permission?” That sounded weird. “Like... if you didn’t want me to tell them, I don’t have to,” he shrugged. Cole didn’t want to give more detail if he didn’t have to; he knew he had a certain reputation around town, not a bad one, but one that everyone wouldn’t appreciate... and he wasn’t sure how Joyce would feel if he got close to Will and Jonathan and started bringing his ‘best friend’ around. But that felt like a conversation for another day; there was no need to spill every one of his secrets today.