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Societal Expectations - Blog Posts
Unspoken Emotion
I'm the pain that's settled into the crevices of your dimples when you smile, lurking like cobwebs in the rafters of a home you haven't cleaned in a while.
I am the anger sitting quite earnestly on the edge of your patient lips, anxiously fighting to not give in to haters when you could call in warships.
I am both the disappointment and acceptance you've decidedly faced, pondering longingly as you wonder if all your efforts have been misplaced.
I am the determination held in the firm hand of the most driven fighter, watching as you heed your grandfather's words: "there ain't no hill for a climber."
I am the hope flickering behind your eyes; growing the higher you climb,holding you together like a warm embrace when you want to resign.
I am the satisfaction rising with each breath in your tired chest,realizing you've helped so many to the top, passing life's true test.
-kalika
-kalika
underwhelmed
“Don’t wear shorts above
the knees as you do that way.”
“Why do you come to work
dressed so fancy every day?”
“Flirt more, work for it;
I find that’s the hottest.”
“Try not to be so sexual,
women should be more modest.”
“You should wear less makeup,
don’t hide away your gorgeous face.”
“Wear more makeup
because you look so tired today!”
“Make sure you dye your hair
to the roots so it’s the blondest.”
“You should change your hair
back to brown; I’m just being honest.”
“Don’t talk so much in class;
you’re taking up too much space.”
“Why don’t you talk more?
I know you got something to say.”
“You should finish up school,
to ensure you’re the sharpest.”
“Don’t go to school at all
if you want to be a real artist.”
If I let the world control me,
it’ll rip me to shreds.
It’ll take this tapestry I’ve woven
and turn it into threads.
If I let the world control me,
I won’t understand myself.
IF I WAS ALL THE WORLD
WANTED ME TO BE,
YOU’D FIND YOURSELF …underwhelmed.
-kalika
The expectation of sexuality among teens is what really irks me.
It was most confusing and alarming to me when books, media, medical professionals, hell even my parents made me feel like I was supposed to one day look at a boy my age and get the vapors or something. Like everything would be all rosy, butterflies would float into the air, the sun would beam upon my skin, and the sky would clear because of some budding attraction that according to most of society is expected. Outside of innocent attraction too, that all other members of society were leering over my shoulders, watching me like a hawk for any self exploration even encroaching upon the realm of sexuality and desire, ready to shame me if I took one step or stumble into the less-than-innocent that is supposed to come with maturing.
I genuinely had issues with fitting in because I thought something was wrong with me for somehow fucking up this mystical biological math equation, and not getting “x= people are attractive and sex and attraction with or towards attractive strangers is appealing and good yay”. There were times when I would lie about liking a boy in my class and back pedaling when girls my age reacted negatively, because FUCK if I knew what made that person an appealing or non-appealing pick. I kept waiting for this change that never came, and yet at the back of my mind something was whispering that I wasn’t the ever the same as those other peers of mine I saw as ‘normal’.
Even after I found my identity, and I’ve still not felt the need to change that label, there have been other addendums added to it. And those were important to me, too. The realization that, yeah, I don’t really give a shit about a persons gender if I do manage to fall in love was a big one, even if it was obvious until then. And even if I had bloomed late and realized I’m not demi, just picky as hell, I would still know that I don’t have a gender preference and kind of never had to begin with. Even if I never have a relationship with a woman or an androgynous, nonbinary, or intersex person, knowing that I don’t have a preference about that subject either way was still valuable to my self discovery.
I really think that society as a whole needs to stop emphasizing attraction as a turning point of maturity milestones, if not because it doesn’t work as general marker, (and really never did), then because there are still kindergarteners who crush on each other, and kiss on the playground swing set, and that technically forces the definition to include kids who recognize attraction early as well, which I don’t think is ethical- or right. But even with that aside, the isolation I felt then- the isolation I still feel as a result of misunderstanding about my identity- is real and it hurt me. And that caused some of my hurt. My life would’ve been a touch easier if there wasn’t this implicit expectation to turn boy-crazy, or become hyper-sexual and horny as a teen when I didn’t really experience any of that.
And even when I did get my first taste of real, genuine attraction and love for someone, it wasn’t this big reveal. It snuck up on me quietly, passively, so much so that it took other people pointing it out for me to step back and go “oh shit that sure is a thing that’s happening in my brain”.
My point is there shouldn’t be such a heavy importance on love and attraction on people that young- it shouldn’t be an expectation or a step to adulthood to be completed- but something that just sometimes pops up, sometimes doesn’t, but is just a natural little ‘whatever’ of the world that happens because biology baby. It’s kinda weird that it’s even something adults are thinking about in regards to their kids- not as in anticipating safe sex talks and all that- but that kids and parents should be communicating honestly with each other throughout puberty because it’s a fucking trip to go through all that, and the last thing anyone needs is to be expecting some coup or phsyop of crushes and less-that-innocent thoughts to be popping up in their freaking children- and if that’s even the case setting boundaries and allowing for the appropriate amount of privacy is arguably necessary for healthy development.
I have many thoughts on this topic but. Yeah. There are worse things to be wrong about than deciding you’re not ace.
tbh it doesn't rly hurt teenagers to incorrectly id as ace like... what's the worst than could happen? they don't have sex till they're older?? lol