Speaking - Blog Posts

Controversial take maybe, but "Real-life opression reflects in fandom spaces too" and "You shouldn't see what person ships as a reflection of their morals" can and should coexist

When I don't agree with someone's take on something but I shut my mouth instead of arguing because I don't like conflict that invovles me and I'm not good with getting my points across in an arguement.

about

hi I’m C, I’m 19, a lesbian, cis, and white. I use she/her pronouns. I live in the united states. this is my main just for liking and following :)

I’m not going to write a long dni but standard rules apply. No racists, transphobes/terfs, homophobes, misogynists, pro-sh*ppers, etc. If I notice you suck I’ll block you basically.

I recently had some nice changes in my life and decided to remake the blog I had since I was like 14 to go with that, but if we knew each other through that I would still love to hear from you anytime :)

I’m going to tag all my original posts “speaking” until I come up with something more fun. Everything should be okay to reblog if you want unless I specifically say otherwise in the text or tags, thanks <3

I’ve always had a lot of sideblogs because I love to sort things but some I post on a million times a day and others once a month haha. Idc if we’re friends please don’t feel any pressure to follow any more sideblogs than you actually want to :) they are under construction right now but we’ll get there haha. Anyway here they are:

@singlecrochet: personal/uncategorized

@ds9season4episode6: tv and movies I’m into

@d4x: star trek (mostly ds9 my beloved)

@v3rity: marvel character loki (mostly comics)

@c-brachyrhynchos: crows (like the bird)

@shatterstarlesbian: marvel comics generally

also my icon is a really bad picture I took of one of my cats. I also have a dog. my header is a lesbian flag because I am a lesbian of course. my url is a quote from the book carmilla because it was a really influential thing to read when I was younger and I just reread it recently. full quote is “I ran to her in an ecstasy of joy; I kissed and embraced her again and again.” I am resisting the urge to include a lengthy explanation on why I chose that quote specifically haha

anyway thanks for reading <3 feel free to talk to me anytime too, I love chatting

hey everyone, i’m back! you miss me ? me i miss you, i back the first day of the best season ( aka autumn), i’m so happy, for can said that, for this new season my tumblr change, i have a period of absence but now i’m here and i’m a new person ( if i can said that), i change for the best and my tumblr too, i have a new idea, every day, i posted a thing ( a picture, a text….), i’m so happy for that !

good bye littles cat

to not accidentally appear creepy and overzealous, I will now spend three months pretending I don't love you and don't think about you all the time. Until you're convinced I'm not cool but heartless and loses any interest you had. Also I don't think you could ever be interested in me, so I just accept it and start writing anonymously on Tumblr instead. All because I have poor sense of time and timing thanks to ADHD and for me it was happiness, like no time at all has passed.

Figuring out every day little ways to improve how I live with unmedicated ADHD. Sometimes they're in the form of sacrifices. Sacrifices of the way I wish I could live, if my brain and I got along.

I move into my home and place my bed right against the center of the back wall. I like it like that, it looks nice. But my brain disagrees, and prefers when we have extra space in the center of the room. It doesn't like that my only sitting spot is my bed, and tells me it's time to go to sleep when I get too comfortable like that. So I move the bed to the side, into the corner, and give myself floor room in the middle to stand, and dance, and pace, and stay upright so my brain remembers to stay awake.

I keep my desk downstairs. It's nice in the living room. I think it will motivate me to get out of my room more, with the sun, and it will hold my projector so I can watch movies on my wall. But my brain disagrees. My room is a quiet, safer place than downstairs. Downstairs where my roommate can find me creating. Downstairs where I risk being watched, or noticed, or pulled into conversation when I need to focus. The space doesn't feel right when I sit there. So I don't, and nothing gets done. I don't write, I don't draw, and I don't watch anything. So I move my desk to my room. It crowds the space, but I'm finally working. I place my keyboard on top, and I'm writing music again. It feels more like an upright this way, and I miss having a real piano. My brain is happy this way.

I take off my shoes at the entrance, to not track dirt in, or mess up my nice white carpets. But I get comfortable, and slow. I stop working, I stop creating. So I keep them on, even though I hate wearing them. I hate wearing socks. I like to have my feet on the ground. But my brain likes the sense of control they give me. You could go at any time. It says. You could get up right now if you need to. You won't have to waste time lacing up your boots when you have to run. Which is a ridiculous notion, really, because nothing's going to happen that I'd need to escape from. It's a safe neighborhood, I don't live with anyone dangerous, I don't have friends who will call me because their in trouble. But it keeps my brain alive anyway. Alive and buzzing and ready to go.

So we don't get along all the time. My brain's very needy, and so very very particular about how we do things. It does not compromise for me. But I'm learning to be okay with that, and learning to go with what it says. It tends to be right, really, even if I don't like it. Even if I wish things were different. But it wants what's best for me, and I forgive it for that. I forgive it for it's weird, particular ways. Hopefully, one day, when I can afford medication, I'll forgive myself too for fighting it for so long.