Staci Pratt / Jacob Seed - Blog Posts

Next Batman?

Here is some Staci Pattinson for your timeline:

"What did I do to deserve this bastard as a partner?"

Hello there, Deputies

Ok, now change!

Bonus:

They are so tired of each other's bullshit, look at them

Jacob goes to hell and is brought back (Anastasized) by an Angel called Stas.

Deputy Seed in Action!

Turns out, it was not Deputy Rook who saved Staci; it was his fellow partner, Deputy Seed.

According to the report, Seed saved Staci from captivity, and they spent days hiding from the enemy in the forest. It is unknown what happened during that time.

It is also unknown why Deputy Seed didn't help his fellow officer remove the duct tape all this time.

We asked Deputy Pratt to share his side of the story. His comments follow below:

"Nnngh, mmm mmmph mmph mm-mm!"

We have yet to find out what exactly the deputy meant by that.

Why is he seed-eyeing us?

Wait, why do we hear Only You by The Platters playing?

Roses are red, the reaping is due

I'll be outside, waiting for you.

Still in Gardenview Orchards

Today, we are having Adam-appreciation day.

Steve totally shares our excitement.

Staci Silver and Jacob Flint

What do you mean Jacob and Staci are not a canon ship?

I have seen them (a little hot shit in his 20s and a grumpy ginger man in his 40s) in a ship, on a ship, sailing the said ship for 2 seasons straight and 2 seasons gay.

They are very much cannon.

ba dum tss

Adam and Steve

And Steve did hunger for the fruit of the earth, and Adam led him unto Gardenview Orchards. But lo, it is said that the Father, in His wrath, cast them forth from the Gates of Eden, and they dwelt there no more.

The Beauty and The Beast

I honestly don't know who gave Stacy the right to be this pretty. I am pratty sure this level of handsomeness should be illegal. Jacob probably agrees with me. Anyway, I hope all of you find someone who looks at you like Jacob looks at Stacy. Or someone who looks at you like Stacy looks at Jacob.

He's Beauty, He's Grace, He'll Punch You in the Face

Once upon a time, Jacob decided to make an honest man out of Deputy Bratt, and thus, the world was blessed with Stacy Seed.

In this AU, Jacob and Stacy managed to find shelter in John's bunker during The Collapse. Stacy misses Hudson and Wheaty a lot, so he honors their legacy by braiding his hair and wearing Wheaty's jewelry.

"Surprisingly," John's bunker didn't offer any normal clothes but instead had 1001 variations of his regular outfit. Stacy is not picky, and even tho green suits him better, he can also work with blue.

Now, what about Jacob's questionable accessory choices? Welp, the glasses are the only thing he has left of Joseph, so, even if they look off, he still wears them.

Or, he hopes that wearing them will prevent this siren from casting his spell and devouring his heart.

That is a stupid idea, Jacob; there is no way you can win this one fight.

Continue with Jacob's suffering here.

Don't ask me about Jacob's accessory choices, pls.

Ok, this is peak Jaci for me

A team of wild judges couldn't tear them apart

When your dad and papa visit you in the hospital while still on duty (them old men can't stop bitching and arguing)

They walked the path.

They said their oaths under Joseph's Word.

And they lived happily ever after.

Does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes?

These two seem like the type to never read the "NO HIKING" warnings and then be all Pikachu-faced when shit like this happens.

Or maybe Staci hoped to outrun, and Jacob hoped to trip?

Peggies that gay together stay together

He can still hear his voice...

In case any of you doubted this, here is an actual footage.

Three wise monkeys

Brought to you by the "Documentaries From Hell" series

To leave this purgatory, you must see no evil hear no evil speak no evil

only lil shits bring pepsi

Staci makes Jacob go check the creepy basement at 3am because ✌ ƃuᴉɥʇǝɯos pɹɐǝɥ ǝɥ✌

And Jacob always goes through a whole lot of trouble for nothin'

But that's okay, S̷̢̬̖̱͔͚͔͈͗͗̓͗̏̇̃̈̿̚t̸̮̮͎̫̓a̵̰͖̠̝̗͌̇̾͆̂͒̀̄̌̍̑̿̆̚͝ç̷̨̛͉̭͉̰̫̙̜͔̜̦̪̪̂͂͂̒͑̅͂͜į̸̜͙͔͕̭̲̝̃͗̽̓ ̷̖̩̯̹̩̰̲̖̗͗̋̅̈́̓̐̅̉͌̔̀͊̑̀̐͜k̷̢̧͔̺͔̦̖̈̀͒̉́̈́̒̉ň̵͓̦̝̫̜̊͒͜ǫ̸̢̫̦̞̲̺͎̝͙͇̥̥̲̓̀̀̀́͑͐͒̅̾͂̀͝͝w̸̤̖͉̞̼̲̳̯̒s̶̢͈̫̦̮͖̣͓̻̱͑̊̊̓͘͝ͅ ̶̢̧̛̱̯̤̝̳̭̗̖̜̟̇̓̾̾́̑͂̚̕͠b̴̧̲̬̠̜͙̟̱̭̘̭̦̿̋͗̍̇̄͋͌͘͜͝͠͠ȇ̷̲̼̝͊̈́͘͝ṱ̶̟̦̮͙͔̜̰̫̼̮͈̇̌̎͂́̓̚t̵̢̛̗̬͕́̂͋̒̕e̴̛̜͚̖̭̜̬̹͍̱̾̊̽̔͂̽͑͒̑͘r̵̨̡̛͕̭̬̦̞̻̺̟̙͍̾̎̃̎͛̓̾̑̐̍̏̋̊ͅ ̶̨̨̢͎̠͓̺͙͇͉͓̻͎̏̈̀͌́̓͑̈ͅṉ̷̢̠̥͕̩̞̗̃̐̾̐͋̃̐̆̎̃͋̽̚͘̕o̴̪͍̍̓̿̚ẅ̵̡̱́̃̒̄́̊̆

Imagine letting your partner become unavailable because of a random skunk

Oops, I did it again I played with you Pratt, got lost in the game Oh baby, baby Oops, you think I'm in love That I'm sent from above I'm not that innocent

or Jacob being (〃￣ω￣〃)ゞ

Staci: Jacob, let's play hide and seed

I hide from your bullshit

you seed therapy

When logic and rebellion Have all but gone astray And Jacob's wolves are circling And John's tattoos mark your way Remember what the Father said: "Help me Faith Help me Faith"

they give "the tyrannic professor and his unfortunate TA" energy in every universe

and I love them for that

let me catch your dreams

let me have your back

I can still hear his voice...

gay gay homosexual gay

hakob: it's nice to finally meet your colleagues, deputy bratt

bratt: you son of a…

when the shit your homie says is so unhinged you have to double take