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THE SEVEN TYPES OF LOVE
The human existence is vast and rich. Feelings, in particular, seem endless and varied. How can one define all that encompass what humans mean when they say love?
Philosophers in ancient Greece decided we could not. Which is why they decided to specify the type of love they referred to when they said love by categorizing them into seven major types.
Eros – Passionate, Romantic Love
Philia –Friendly, Affectionate Love
Storge –Familial, Unconditional Love
Agape – Selfless, Universal Love
Ludus – Playful, Flirtatious Love
Pragma – Dutiful, Committed Love
Philautia – Love of Self
1. Eros – Passionate Love
Eros is passionate love, and everything we think of when we think of the Hollywood version of love. To the ancient Greeks, this physical, desirous love could be dangerous. Powerful and possessive, it is easy to lose control of. Relationships built solely on eros tend to be short-lived, as passion is transient by nature.
It represents the love found in sexual intimacy and romance.
2. Philia –Friendly Love
Philia is a friendly love. It is shared goodwill. A friendship that is not only associated with mutual benefit but also with companionship, dependability, and trust.
Real friends seek together to live truer, fuller lives by relating to each other authentically and learning each other’s limitations. They help each other become their best selves.
Essentially, you can think of Philia as the type of love where you simply want the best for another person. The ancient Greeks thought it was even more precious than Eros, the foundation of the best kind of friendship.
3. Storge – Familial Love
Storge is the unconditional love between kin, in particular the love parents have for their children. More broadly, storge is the fondness born out of familiarity or dependency.
It is defined by unconditional acceptance and sacrifice. Compared to eros and philia, it is much less contingent on our personal qualities.
People in the early stages of a romantic relationship often expect unconditional storge, but find only the need and dependency of eros. If they are lucky, given enough time and care, eros can mutate into storge or philia.
4. Agape – Selfless Love
Agape is compassionate love. It is an empathetic, selfless love for others that includes a love for other humans, for nature, or for a higher power.
It doesn’t depend on familiarity. Instead, it is the love for the stranger or the unknowable. Agape has links to altruism, which is understood as an unselfish, genuine concern for the welfare of others. It is a love that expects absolutely nothing in return, and in turn, just makes you feel good.
A lot of people consider agape to be a spiritual love, expressed through meditation, nature, intuition, and spirituality.
5. Ludus – Playful Love
Ludus is playful love. Flirtatious, seductive and non-committal—Ludus is all about having fun. The point of this love is the experience itself rather than the feelings.
Ludus is evident at the beginning of a relationship, when we feel full of play, teasing, and excitement.
Dancing, seducing, will-he-won't-he and all that jazz, it can lead to a one-night stand, a no-strings-attached fling, or a long and casual relationship. As long as there is a sense of play and levity from both parties, it is ludus, an uncomplicated sort of love.
6. Pragma – Dutiful Love
Pragma is a practical love founded on reason, duty and the couple’s long-term interests. Sexual attraction takes a back seat in favor of shared goals, compatibility, and "making it work." The higher common purpose is served, rather than the individual's desires.
In the simplest of terms, it is long-term and works thanks to constant nurturing. It is seen in long-term marriages and friendships. Respect is fundamental, as is serving the purpose of the union. Its qualities are commitment, endurance, companionship, and sharing similar hopes for the future.
This type of love is an accepting love that matures as the couple spends year after year together. It can be associated with storge or philia. A healthy pragma is sincere, patient, mature, and in all honesty, quite rare (and therefore special).
7. Philautia – Self Love
Finally, philautia is self-love. It is based on a sense of self-worth. It can be healthy or unhealthy.
Unhealthy self-love is akin to hubris. In Ancient Greece, people could be accused of hubris if they placed themselves above the gods, or, like certain modern politicians, above the greater good. Philosophers believed that hubris was the enemy and led to destruction.
Healthy self-love, on the other hand, is akin to self-esteem, which is our cognitive and also emotional appraisal of our own worth. More than that, it is the matrix through which we think, feel, act, and reflect on the way we relate to ourselves, to others, and to the world.
In everyday language, "self-esteem" and "self-confidence" tend to be used interchangeably. However, self-esteem and self-confidence do not always go hand in hand. In particular, it is possible to be highly self-confident and yet to have profoundly low self-esteem, as is the case, for example, with many performers and celebrities.
Of all of the different kinds of love, this one is often the most challenging for people. However, it is foundational to the other types of love. Ancient Greeks saw philautia as the necessary love that made it possible to give and receive love from other people. We cannot give what we don’t have. And so, we cannot love others if we don’t love ourselves first.
Philautia, therefore, is something like self-compassion. Much like we show affection and love to other people, it is important to show that affection to ourselves, to be compassionate to one’s self and able to forgive.
Greek philosophers believed that true happiness could only be achieved when one had unconditional love for themselves, which makes it possible to love others truly in turn.
The Seven Loves
In closing, there is, of course, a kind of porosity between the seven types of love, which seep and pass into one another. Some philosophers believed love aimed at beautiful and good things, because the possession of beautiful and good things is happiness, and happiness is good and beautiful in itself.
Of all good and beautiful things, the best, most beautiful, and most dependable is truth or wisdom. It teaches us about ourselves, about others, and about life, which help us make better choices through this greater understanding and therefore live better lives.
We tend to agree.
Love, in all its forms, is one of the most powerful emotions in the world.
Note:
Our sources are below in order of credibility, but this exploration of the different types of love is in our own words and based on both our reading and our own understanding of the concepts.
Early Greek philosophy
Platonic Love
Love like a Greek: the 7 loves according to Ancient Greek philosophy
These Are the 7 Types of Love
7 Types Of Love (from Greek)
What Are the 7 Types of Love?