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It's the staying in a place with monsters everywhere hunting him down for a year just because he didn't want to leave him behind
It's him being straight up suicidal because he's dead but the second he comes back he's happy and hopeful
It's him begging a god that he despises to bring him back
It's him purposely telling his brother not to help him on a hunt just so he could see and hangout with him
It's the whole, "you asked me what about all of this is real, we are"
it's the two armchairs in the deancave.
it's the "what about Cas?"
it's the movie he made him watch.
it's the imitation of one of that movie's characters that follows.
It's the defiance of everything he ever believed to be true for one human, right?
It's the "this is Castiel." to an almost forgotten mother that told him that angels would always watch over him.
It's freeing his brother he can't stand from a place worse than hell.
It's seeing resemblence in a monster he was taught to hate.
It's the mixtapes of songs his mother fell in love to.
It's learning to smile.
It's the "don't ever change."
It's the first unanswered call in 15 years with his hands in his hair and sobbing on the ground.
It's the declaration of desperation, to do anything to keep the man he loves safe.
It's throwing his life away on a normal hunt to see him again.