Curate, connect, and discover
Event: Angstpril 2025 ; hosted by @chaos-company Fandom: Supernatural Ship: Castiel x Dean Winchester | Destiel Rating: T Tags: My boyfriend said it ouch in a good way (he said I can quote him on it)
It will forever be one of Dean’s biggest regrets. Not saying anything, taking the time to process what was actually said, and not responding—not reacting in any way. Cas had said the words so softly that Dean wasn’t sure what it was, until the words branded themselves in his brain. Something he’d never be able to wash off or forget.
I love you
That was what left Cas’ lips. He could feel the anguish from the angel more than he could hear it. The words spoken as a last resort. His way of letting Dean into the deepest parts of him yet unexplored by any mortal being. Parts that Dean had subliminally been begging for over the years they’d spent together.
Little echoes of Cas’ voice lingered, when the man himself didn't. Dean tried to convince himself that it wasn’t Cas’ choice. That nobody could have foreseen him being swallowed into Hell as the conclusion to the story, and Dean knew. He couldn’t go back there. He had a one free access pass to Crowley’s domain and he had already used it.
A year before when a demon pulled Cas away from Dean. Again in a situation just like he was faced with right then.
Dean could hear the crack when he fell to his knees in that dusty warehouse. The place that was forever immortalised as where their story began—and ended. No interlude, no body of work. Just Cas saying those wretched words that Dean had waited for. Begged for. Dreamed about.
He stared at the spot where Cas was standing only moments before.
Saw the tears that glimmered as he said the words an angel was banned to speak. But, for Dean, he let go of propriety yet again.
The moment was akin to a heated blade searing its way into Dean’s stomach. On the inside there would barely be a mark to show what he had gone through, but god. The pain.
His throat felt raw and it was only when he felt Sam’s hand on his shoulder that he realised it’d been him screaming. Yelling out for an angel no longer there, a miracle that was never his for the taking.
A prayer that wouldn’t get answered.
“I love you too.” Words that he whispered so soft, with only himself and Sam as witnesses to the weighted statement. One that Cas would never hear.
And what tore Dean apart was that now, with only Crowley and kin for company, Cas would never know how loved he really was. How highly ranked he really was in Dean’s head.
That all the sacrifices and deviance from his path had never been for nought.
That he was who Dean turned to in times of need and elation.
“I LOVE YOU.” The second time he used all of his strength to scream. All the feelings that he’d bottled up under the guise of needing to get the job done, and that they weren’t ready, flowed into his voice. And for only a second, he could pretend that Cas heard it.
That he wasn’t too late, and that Cas would come back.
For a second. He could believe that it would be alright.