Curate, connect, and discover
lil gender (ig?) dysphoria vent ^__^
worst part about being unlabeled (mainly because labels are uncomfortable to you) for me is that my feelings towards gender identity are fluid—so much so that i used to be genderfluid and pronounfluid but all the labels were confusing.
I felt like I was constantly boxing my identity instead of living it to the fullest. (if that makes sense?)
The thing is—when you say you’re “unlabeled” (in which i sometimes feel dysphoric for labeling the term and other times not)
people usually opt for all gender neutral terminology, and I have nothing against gender neutral terms, like I said my feelings are fluid which in itself is so annoying.
because like?? one moment i’m like “this is it, I’m actually just [label] i’ve finally figured myself out” and then my feelings change.
i genuinely have NO CLUE why i’m like this, and it’s frustrating, i do stay with genderfluid crowds when i’m having these issues but even then I don’t want to label myself—especially when my feelings change and it makes me feel dysphoric.
but back to what i was saying, i have nothing against gender neutral terms, and also like i said I sometimes prefer them. but sometimes when it’s ONLY and STRICTLY gender neutral terms i feel dysphoric because sometimes i don’t feel gender neutral.
but i feel uncomfortable hounding anyone about my gender identity (and it’s shifts (and because i mainly have a white cishet christian conservative community and i’d rather not be publicly outed and shamed)) so i just sit through the dysphoria.
i just hate not knowing, i hate it fluctuating and i hate not having a solid feeling about my gender. i look at other lgbtq people in the community who seem like they have it all figured out—hell i look at other genderfluid people who also look like they have it all figured out too—but i don’t.
there’s not much i can do, and i know people will say (as they always have) that it’s a phase—which is like
1) life is all a bunch of phases
2) what do i do when my phases constantly change and have been changing most of my life?
i don’t expect to be accommodated 24/7 about this—trust me it’d be nice but i understand there are people in need who’s priorities are higher in which i want them to be accommodated first before anyone else.
i just dream of the day i have a small close knit group of other people who not only relate but are able to help validate me through my identity.
this might also be a relevant time to wonder if i may have autism or adhd. not saying that i have either
(although i’ve been getting close to self diagnosed and i’ve been wanting a screening for awhile)
or that having either is in any way inherent connected to my feelings in general—but i have a hunch,, suspicion,, dare i say hope? to maybe explain it all to me?
sorry if i don’t make sense this is just me rambling :>