Curate, connect, and discover
Midoriya had always been a mutterer. It was a habit developed through isolation and his parents. Since he had no one to talk to, he spoke to himself. The sound of talking was comforting even if the voice speaking was his own.
Another thing Midoriya got through his lifelong isolation was this “magical” ability to disassociate. His rejection from society “evolved” over the countless years of bullying, but that was beside the point. He was still pretty lonely even with the fan behavior from a select group of losers.
Midoriya would wake up and go to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Within seconds of brushing his teeth, Midoriya would be disassociating. Midoriya would be eating breakfast in the middle of spicy gossip. He’d be responding to his mother, but nope, his brain flipped a switch, and just like that he was blanking out. Of course, it didn't happen at the same time every day, but it wasn't uncommon.
Midoriya would go to school and the moment Bakugo opened his mouth Midoriya was out of it. Fortunately for him, it seemed that his body was on autopilot in school. He’d look down at his notebook to see notes he didn’t recall taking. One time he even highlighted specific lines in his textbook.
Midoriya knew it was a problem, but it never really happened when he was doing important tasks that he needed to focus on, so he didn't tell anyone. Unfortunately, he nearly fell down countless flights of stairs in front of his mother, so he was set up with a psychiatrist.
It never took long for Bakugo to notice changes in Midoriya’s behavior. Whenever he made fun of Midoriya or even shoved him occasionally, it was as if Midoriya was looking right through him.
Bakugo couldn’t tell if Midoriya was terrified of him or if he was trying to act tough and one-up Bakugo by pretending to be unfazed. The first time he noticed it was over four months ago.
In certain classes where their seating arrangement changed due to carefree teachers, Bakugo sat near his three lackeys. Hifumi was at the desk to his right and Tejio was in front of him.
Midoriya had already taken a seat on his left before the trio entered the classroom. Midoriya’s seat was by the window, allowing him to gaze out whenever he wanted to.
Bakugo was able to notice the strange behavior, but he never truly figured out what was going on with Midoriya. Midoriya would be writing his notes normally and, out of the blue, his expression would fall as that blank look washed over his face. He couldn’t understand what was happening since Midoriya was still writing away, gaze flicking to the board and then down to the paper to write.
Midoriya spent all of his time alone. He had no friends at school, and he always had everything with him, including his lunch. Midoriya would often stay in his seat for the duration of the break.
Bakugo and his lackeys would sometimes poke fun at him for it before they left for the cafeteria. Other times they’d come back early to study or get away from the crowd of people who were nothing more than nuisances to the three.
Midoriya usually wouldn’t react to them coming in. He would often be spotted with his head against the glass, looking at nothing in particular. Bakugo would never admit it, not even to himself, but he couldn’t help but be mesmerized by the sight.
The golden sunlight would shine on Midoriya and illuminate him. His black freckles seemed to glow a golden hue, and his pigmented skin seemed to relish the warm sunlight. Midoriya’s pale, chapped lips seemed to turn a bright red with the exposure to the sun.
Midoriya’s dark and dazed eyes would light up into a striking electric emerald green, matching the beautiful shade of green his eyelashes would turn as they occasionally fluttered. Bakugo could even see the line where the black patch of his hair turned green when it was usually hidden in his dark hair.
Every once in a while, Bakugo would see Midoriya snap back into whatever he was doing whether that be him writing notes, doing schoolwork, scrolling on his phone, writing his hero analysis, or him looking for something interesting going on outside the window. It seemed unreal the way life seemed to flash back into Midoriya's eyes.
Midoriya may not be exactly conscious of the world around him, but his subconscious was working to keep him afloat. It was a sight to see when he became responsive to things he was hearing or seeing.
Bakugo found it strange, but he’d never pass up a moment to peer at Midoriya without the worry of being caught. He'd convince himself he did it for a good reason after he'd catch himself staring.
On good days, Bakugo would go in early and open the window. He knew deep down why he did it, but how could he ever bring himself to say he wanted to watch the breeze gently blow against Midoriya’s face to watch the way the curls in his hair would sway.
One day, Midoriya had a boba milk tea. The drink was still sealed and the straw sitting next to the cup on the desk. Midoriya had his notes pulled out as he was planning to do schoolwork before homeroom started.
Bakugo had been watching Midoriya and saw the exact moment Midoriya's brain clocked out. It was normally pretty clear as his face fell as he was writing notes.
After a couple of minutes, Midoriya's gaze rose to the drink. He grabbed it and brought it away from the edge where it was sitting. Midoriya snatched the straw and raised it to stab through the lid.
Bakugo felt himself focus on the sight, never having seen Midoriya eat or drink while in a trance.
Thump.
There was a pause.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.
Now Tejio and Hifumi were looking.
Thump.
It didn’t go through, and Hifumi couldn’t help but snicker. For Bakugo, he was fully invested in seeing how this was going to go. Midoriya’s mind was obviously not functioning, but his body was.
Midoriya's body, not being able to accomplish his subconscious mind's goal, raised questions. After all, it was a new situation where Midoriya couldn’t do anything while being unresponsive.
Thump.
Midoriya suddenly threw the straw at the desk and flopped back in his seat. In a way, it seemed as if his body was visibly trying to pout. Tejio could not help but let out muffled laughter, trying not to lose it.
Midoriya leaned forward, taking the straw and even holding it up to his eyes. Midoriya seemed as if he was observing the straw. Bakugo knew very well not one thought was going through Midoriya’s head as messed with the sharp end of the straw. Fixing his grip on it, Midoriya sent it down one more time.
Thump.
Midoriya once again readjusted his grip on the straw and shifted in his seat before sending the straw down again.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.
Thump.
Midoriya suddenly picked up the drink, sat it back at the corner of the desk, and brushed the straw off his papers before grabbing his pencil and writing as if nothing had happened.
Hifumi and Tejio lost it, laughing. Bakugo was baffled at the sight, wondering how Midoriya did all of that. He didn’t understand what was happening or why it happened. He’d ask about it, but that would reveal he paid attention and cared enough to ask. He’d rather die than let anyone, especially Deku, know either of those things.
Midoriya seemed to snap out of it a minute later as he took the drink and straw before piercing it easily. He rewarded himself with a drink as he continued the notes. Hifumi and Tejio never suspected a thing while Bakugo was left staring in confusion.
Bakugo knew something was up but decided to never ask. Eventually, he forced himself to stop opening the window and stopped himself from staring too much.
It seemed as if Bakugo wasn’t the only admirer as occasionally the window would be left open in the mornings before Midoriya would enter the classroom.
Midoriya was studying in the school's ginormous library. Midoriya always placed himself at a booth alongside the window, enjoying the sunlight while he studied.
Bakugo and his bullies had snuck in, planning on teasing Midoriya in the quiet area. They spotted him and sat down nearby to figure out how to proceed as the librarian would easily spot them. She was a passionate and stern woman who wouldn’t hesitate to put them all into detention.
Someone suddenly walked past the trio. They looked over to see it was their class president. He was tall, undeniably charming, always received the highest grades, had the best reputation, and was involved in everything going on in the school. His name was Noya Seika, preferring to be called Seika. His book bag was over his shoulder and his arms were holding a stack of papers.
Bakugo and his two followers watched as Seika approached the booth Midoriya was at. Midoriya was casually writing his notes, at peace with the silence.
Seika marched right up to the booth with his charming smile. Everything about his approach was sincere, not an ounce of pity visible in his determined eyes.
Midoriya seemed to notice someone standing by his booth and jumped, covering his mouth. “I am so sorry! Was I mumbling? I’ll be quiet!” panicked Midoriya, whispering only to be met with the sight of his class president.
“No need to apologize, you weren’t mumbling. I was wondering if I may sit with you?” asked Seika with a chuckle, shaking his head.
Midoriya looked at Seika suspiciously before deciding to just let him sit down. It would be extremely rude of him to reject Seika even if he was doing it for a dare or had ulterior motives.
“Oh! Yes, you can sit with me,” approved Midoriya, motioning for Seika to sit down.
Seika smiled, appreciating Midoriya letting him join him. Setting down the stack of papers, he rolled his shoulders in relief. Midoriya peered at him curiously, not used to ever being with good company. Seika sat his bag down and slid into the booth.
“Thanks again for letting me sit with you. I love the student council, but they make it hard to get the paperwork done for the upcoming festival,” ranted Seika, situating the stack of papers before him.
Midoriya, feeling accepted enough to be able to ask questions, decided to ask one of his own. “All of those are just for the festival? Why’d you choose the library out of all places to get stuff done?”
Seika looked at Midoriya, seemingly surprised. The bullies couldn’t understand what Seika was doing. They were already pissed they had gotten their chance taken away from them. It didn't help that Seika was now acting strange after seeking out Midoriya. Bakugo looked ready to break his book bag strap.
Seika tilted his head to the side, happy to answer. “Yep! I'm in charge of approving and disapproving every single class’ activity. Usually, every student in every class has an idea. So, we have about four classes per year and each class has about 20-24 students. I have to get through all of them a week prior. Oh, and about your second question, I figured you’d be here.”
Midoriya was nodding, listening to Seika until the random and strange words escaped his mouth.
I figured you’d be here.
Midoriya stared at Seika in disbelief, worried he hit his head or got struck with a quirk. “Seika-san? Are you okay?”
“Of course, I’m alright Midoriya. Why wouldn’t I be?” questioned Seika innocently.
Midoriya shook his head, fixing his notebook. “No reason. Well, I’ll let you get to your work.”
Seika slightly pouted, watching as Midoriya seemed to put all his focus back on his work. Seika stared for another moment before going to his work, flying through the papers.
The bullies had been snickering at the expressions of Midoriya. They had never seen him look so confused and worried for someone. What made it even better was how Midoriya’s concern was because someone wanted to be around him. Bakugo couldn’t help but be completely invested in the scene similar to a grandma watching a soap opera.
When the three saw the way Seika gazed at Midoriya lovingly, they all felt their faces drop.
The gray-haired bully, Hifumi, started, “No.”
Bakugo interjected his lackey’s moment with a helpful, “Fucking.”
“Way,” the brown-haired bully, Tejio, cut Bakugo off, finishing their little epiphany.
“Seika likes Deku.” The three said in unison.
They all watched like stalkers as the two worked together in comfortable silence. Bakugo saw a mindless haze coat Midoriya’s eyes as his head raised from the page he was staring at and looked out the window. Seika noticed the lack of Midoriya’s scribbling and looked up. Noticing he was in a trance, Seika glanced out the window to see nothing particularly interesting going on.
Looking back at Midoriya, Seika shamelessly took a moment to admire Midoriya. Bakugo couldn’t help but struggle to swallow the lump in his throat. He knew he had looked at Midoriya the exact same way, infatuated by the stunning view. He could see the way Seika’s grip on his pen just oh-so-slightly tightened as he stopped writing.
Eventually, Seika waved a hand in front of Midoriya’s face. Absolutely no response from Midoriya. Bakugo, Hifumi, and Tejio all freeze at the sight of Midoriya being completely out of it. Seika decided not to shout and tried to wave again. With no response again, he gently poked Midoriya’s hand. Midoriya instantly snapped out of it. Midoriya was quick to shoot his gaze over to be met with Seika’s kind expression.
“You were staring off Midoriya. You didn’t even respond to me waving,” explained Seika, looking at Midoriya in wonder.
Midoriya grinned, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you. I have a dissociative disorder. It only ever really happens in school. I promise I wasn’t ignoring you.”
Seika smiled, waving his hand dismissively. “Nonsense. I assumed you were daydreaming so no hard feelings. Also—a dissociative disorder?”
It seemed to finally click for Bakugo. The feeling of dread slowly creeped into his chest. The Hifumi and Tejio look flabbergasted, not knowing what a dissociative disorder is.
Midoriya nodded, looking at Seika uneasily. “Yeah, I was diagnosed with it after my mother took me to a doctor after an incident. It’s really frustrating.”
“Oh really? I’ve heard about it before, but I don’t know the details of how it works. Is it hard to focus?” pondered Seika.
Happy to explain his personal experience with the disorder, Midoriya twirled his pencil. “Well, mine is mild in terms of my mental state. Whenever I get triggered or induce it, my mind will lock me out of my body. My body just runs on its own. It causes disconnection and lack of continuity between my thoughts, memories, surroundings, and actions. I basically escape reality.”
Hifumi and Tejio let their eyes widen as their gazes full of shock met. They figured Midoriya was an antisocial loser. Now it was brought to their attention that this was because of a mental disorder that they probably caused. Bakugo seethed from where he was sitting. He couldn’t understand how he had been so blind. It was obvious it was disordered behavior. It was obvious Midoriya had been dissociating. He had been admiring Midoriya and observing that he never actually reflected or saw it as something that was burdening Midoriya.
“Woah, so like depersonalization disorder?”
“I mean… kind of. I’m not exactly observing myself from outside my body and I never feel like I’m in a dream, but I do feel a disconnection or detachment from my body and thoughts,” elaborated Midoriya, not sure if he was making any sense.
Seika bowed his head, taking one of Midoriya’s hands in his two. “Thank you so much for sharing such personal information with me. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable in any way. If I did, I humbly apologize for not realizing this may be something you are sensitive about.”
Midoriya felt his eyes widen, placing his free hand over Seika’s. “Oh no, please don’t apologize! You asked me about it kindly and respectfully. I wouldn’t have talked about it if I didn’t want to.”
Seika looked up at Midoriya relieved. “I’m glad. Still, I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Is it affecting your studies?”
“Not too much. I still get everything written down. All I have to do is just review the notes I wrote while dissociating. It’s a pain, but there's nothing else I can do,” sighed Midoriya, removing his hand to flip the page of his textbook.
Seika smiled, removing his two hands from Midoriya’s hand. “You are very studious.”
Midoriya smiled at his notes bitterly. “Well, that's all I can do.”
Seika shook his head, looking at Midoriya adoringly. “I doubt that. I feel like you could do anything you put your mind to.”
Midoriya looked ready to argue but bit his cheek and nodded instead. “Thanks.”
Seika frowned, he had said the wrong thing and Midoriya settled for silence. That was the barrier he was determined to break. He didn’t want their dynamic to be the weak quirkless student who believed he’d be disciplined if he attempted to defend himself and the powerful authoritative student with a quirk who barely had to lift a finger to get Midoriya expelled. Although technically that’s what it already was.
Seika looked at Midoriya who buried himself in his book. “I’m sorry to disturb you, but why do you wear such a face? Do you not think you can achieve anything you put your mind to?”
Midoriya felt his eyes widen, looking up to meet Seika looking at him with such a strange look. Midoriya could sense anger, but none of it was directed at him. Midoriya could see a glint of desire and swallowed hard.
“Oh, it’s not that Seika-san. I’m just not used to uhh…,” trailed off Midoriya, fumbling to come up with an excuse or any kind of response.
“No, don’t feel pressured to answer. I was just worried I had upset you,” confessed Seika, once again stunning Midoriya.
Midoriya looked at Seika and smiled kindly at him, tilting his head gently. “Don’t worry, you haven’t upset me.”
Seika felt his posture straighten, looking at Midoriya lovingly.
Bakugo was quick to move, he wasn’t planning on letting this random extra waltz his way into Midoriya’s life. The end of the school year was rapidly approaching, and he was not going to have Seika be an irritating memory.
“Deku.”
Midoriya jumped but looked up to where Bakugo was standing. “Kacchan?”
Bakugo swallowed his pride and decided to use his only excuse to hang out with Midoriya without it sounding like it was his idea. “The old hag has been bugging me and wants you and Inko to visit soon.”
Midoriya perked up, all the attention that had once been Seika’s was gone. “Oh, of course! I’ll let Mom know.”
“Whatever. Now get the hell out of here, all the clubs left already,” demanded Bakugo, pulling out one toxic tactic to separate Midoriya from a potential friend or lover.
Midoriya smiled, rising from his seat. “Oh, you’re right. Thanks for letting me know Kacchan. Seika, I’ll be taking my leave.”
Seika waved Midoriya off with a disappointed expression. “See you around Midoriya.”
Bakugo walked back over to where his lackeys were with a wide smile. Hifumi had watched the entire encounter with a dropped jaw. Tejio was holding back laughter, enjoying the look on Seika’s face.
“No way you just did that,” snickered Tejio.
Hifumi nodded his head in approval. “While I’m impressed Midoriya listened to you, I’m even more shocked you didn’t bother looking at Seika.”
Bakugo shrugged. “I didn’t have to look. I sent him the message that I had Midoriya wrapped around my finger.”
“You’re evil dude,” sighed Hifumi.
Bruh I wrote this back in 2022 and found this deep in the google docs sorry if it's trash, but I honestly kinda like it even two years later