//u Give Me Novel I Give U Novel - Blog Posts

zccming​:

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“the grave had nothing to do with me.” max reminded cole. she wouldn’t try too hard to defend the idea she wouldn’t yell at him for using sign language too loud, or that she hadn’t indirectly been the cause of his broken finger, so she’d settle with acknowledging the one thing she could deny. while it was evident that cole was joking, she couldn’t seem to pick up the pace and get into the mood. instead, her voice came out as a surprising lecture, “you and lucas need to be careful. seriously.” the heeding was unexpected, but sincere. since childhood, max felt like her life was moving in a rapid, downward spiral. she didn’t want to think about how much worse it could get if anything happened to lucas or cole. her concern and care wasn’t often displayed so openly, but in this moment, she locked eyes with cole, expressing the full force of her love.

“lots?” max laughed in his face, shaking off the seriousness of the prior conversation. “fine. name five. go.” she demanded, a smile ghosting across her features. she wasn’t sure if cole could give her a genuine answer, but whatever he came up with was sure to ease the mood towards normalcy. 

still, max couldn’t find herself fully present. not about adam, not about cole’s smile. he didn’t know just how bad things could get around here and she hoped it would stay that way. she wouldn’t burden him with her feelings about billy or urge him to be more skeptical about adam. it was like interacting with a child who hadn’t been able to comprehend what atrocities their parent had just watched on the seven o’clock news. max could tack a lot of adjectives to cole’s name, but she never thought she’d use innocent. 

with the flick of her cigarette, she shrugged at cole when he dug a little deeper about billy. “i’m wondering the same thing.” vague as ever she took another drag and stared off into the night. max hoped if they left it at that though, maybe he’d understand a flash of her misery and leave it be. if there was anyone she felt she could allow herself to be miserable with, it was cole. god knows it was one of the foundations of their friendship. wanting to show she had been listening to him too, she asked, “what about adam? how’s…that?”

then of course, there was the matter of el and her’s kiss, which was an entirely different layer of stress. “well, not like i hoped.” the kiss itself had been good, really good. so good it scared her. but the events that followed tainted the memory, “she like, ran away from me.” max sighed, “i guess i must’ve been bad or whatever.” she joked wryly, gaze falling to the blooming cherry on the end of her cigarette. “i think she might hate me.” she truthfully didn’t know and she wasn’t sure what she was seeking to gain by sharing this with cole, but the more they talked about it, she thought maybe she merely wanted to share. 

frustrated with her own moping, she shifted gears and asked cole, “so what are we getting up to tonight?” implying, im not feeling up to sleep. 

xx.

“I didn’t claim it did,” He corrected, though he was teasing. For all of his young life, Cole had desperately wanted a sibling; someone to talk to when he was home all day. Max had filled that void in a lot of ways-- she was always around, it seemed, and always ready to argue with him. Except today. Today her concern for him, the affection she usually buried way down deep, was on the surface. “Yeah, I’ll be more careful. Promise,” he said, her expression reason enough to save his snarky response for another time. Cole reached over and squeezed her knee, perhaps the only display of affection he could give without fear of being hit. 

Cole smirked, took a drag of his cigarette, and shrugged. “This stays between us,” he said, an air of faux-seriousness glancing over his features. “But... I have it on good authority that Steve, Eddie and Adam think I’m pretty irresistible,” he paused, not meeting her eyes for the next confession. “Also... Nancy’s boyfriend. And this guy Luke from college.” He couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous it sounded. He and Adam hadn’t talked about it yet, but Cole hoped he wouldn’t be hurt. He’d thought Adam was dead after all, surely that gave him the right to at least try and move on? And it’s not like any of these flings compared to what he and Adam had, what they would always have. “I know that I can trust that this will stay between us,” Cole reminded Max, raising an eyebrow. The last thing he needed was to be the person who had outed Steve or Eddie or, worse, Thad. 

Settling back into a relaxed position, Cole watched Max’s face out of the corner of his eye. At once, he knew that her feelings about Billy returning were the exact opposite from his feelings about Adam being back. Warranted, based on what he knew about Billy. It felt strange; for once, Max’s misery was something Cole didn’t share. Not that he couldn’t relate, but he couldn’t commiserate like usual. He felt a pang of guilt, not wanting her to feel alone with him. “I know you’re not asking for an apology, but... I am sorry about Billy. Where is he living?” Cole asked, worried about the answer.

Cole couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his mouth in response to Max’s question. It really was insufferable how in love he was, but he tried to tone it down-- it felt inappropriate to be over-the-top right now. “It’s been really good. Obviously really confusing... But I’m trying not to focus on that. Maybe that’s dumb, given everything, but...” Cole shrugged. If anyone would understand, he figured it would be Max. At least, she would try to understand. 

God, Cole desperately wished Max could say that the kiss was everything she’d wanted, that it had been received well. He wished Max could catch a break. Breathing out a cloud of smoke, Cole was reminded of his experience with Thad. How Thad had kissed him and run, and the look in his eyes when he left; anger, sure, but beyond that, it was fear. “I don’t think she hates you,” Cole said. “Maybe she’s scared,” he offered, his voice soft. “Maybe... she didn’t know what it meant and it was easier to run from it right now. Not everyone can be as self aware and well-adjusted as us,” Cole added with a joking smile. He shrugged and lifted his cigarette to his lips, as if to say we don’t have to talk about it. 

“I thought you’d never ask,” Cole jumped to his feet and stuck his hand out for Max. “I don’t know... wanna break into Melvald’s?” He smiled mischievously, remembering their Memorial Day antics. “Unless you have a better idea.”