What It's Like To Have Conversations With Someone Who Has Autism Spectrum Disorder And/or ADHD

chiho saitou’s revolutionary girl utena: after the revolution || さいとうちほの『少女革命ウテナ after the revolution』

༺2006༻

THIS!!!!!

[ID: Gray text on a peach backround that reads, "Autistic people may refer to analogies, metaphors, song lyrics, or pop culture references to help us communicate our feelings. Please don't disgard what we're saying if we use song lyrics or too many metaphors, or actual movie dialogues. We're trying to convey what we are feeling. Just because we borrow other people's words for it doesn't mean it's less valid." End Description.]

だって、私はレインじゃない？

I try to fight it, but some days it is really hard

Can you talk about the difference between autistic and non-autistic “insistence on sameness”?

I wear slight variations of the same clothes every day, I eat the same things over and over, I never want to watch new movies or tv shows or read new books, as a child my parents Could Not get me to try new foods outside of my specific preferred foods… my mum says I was “just never open to new things”.

But I can handle change/the new, even if I don’t like it. If I had to wear different clothes tomorrow I wouldn’t like it but I could function. New foods are harder than that but as long as they’re not lumpy/slimy I can try them now…

What do you think?

Each autistic experience of "sameness" is different because it highly depends on the why. Some routines or sameness are because of sensory issues, others may be due to anxieties or mental safety.

NT sameness may be because it's easier, comfortable or just enjoyable. Autistics can also experience this.

Major key difference is that autistics can experience great distress if things are changed without notice or not enough time given.

Examples:

Eating the same food: autistic may do so because it's the only foods that are safe for their sensory needs. A NT just likes that food.

Travelling the same route home: autistic may do this because it's a guaranteed way home with no surprises. They will struggle with detours. A NT just knows it takes them home. Why change?

Wearing the same clothing: an autistic may do this because of sensory issues or difficulties understanding fashionable trends. These clothes help them survive day to day. An NT may do it because "is their fashion".

And depending on your level of sensitivity in that area, you may be able to handle changes more easily than an autistic who struggles.

I have low oral/taste sensitivity. So I samefood, but will have no to low distress if I had to eat something slightly different (as long as it's on my safe food list).

But, I have high sound sensitivity, so going to a new shop and finding out I don't have my noise cancelling headphones may put me into shutdown.

Another autistic may struggle with the opposites to me.

Telling me that being upset by my intrusive thoughts is proof I'm a good person did jackshit to help me, ngl. In fact, all it did was make me feel like I HAD to go down a spiral of horror and self-hatred any time I had those thoughts in order to prove those thoughts didn't make me a monster. I still feel like that.

But the most helpful advice I got about them was genuinely just to treat them gently. Laugh. Roll my eyes. Go "not my brain acting up again 🙄" or "Bro, I do no want to do that, shut up 😩".

Like...Telling people their suffering is proof they're good people isn't really helpful, in the long run. Or at all, for plenty of us. We need to be working WITH our brains, instead of constantly fighting against them. I have this tiny section in my journal, where when I was feeling okay, I wrote myself a note on intrusive thoughts and hallucinations and there's a line I keep in mind:

"Having thoughts-it's like an ocean; shit washes up sometimes. And then, if you let it, it gets washed away."

You have to let it wash away. You can't pick up every piece of crap that washes up and study it, keep it in your little backroom, trying to determine why it's here and what its purpose is. Babe, you're not a marine biologist. Sometimes bullshit is just bullshit and you've gotta train yourself to recognize that. You don't have to be disgusted every time you run across it. You can just keep moving.

You don’t need to go into a spiral every time you have your intrusive thoughts. You don’t need to spend time feeling guilty and bad about them to be a good person.

Honestly, it got easier to ignore my intrusive thought when I reacted neutrally to them. When I’d get one and go “oh, you’re an intrusive thought”. It allowed me to roll my eyes at it and move on.

Where spending time feeling bad about them because I thought I needed to feel bad about them to still be a good person just got me stuck in them. It left the thoughts happening for longer and more intensely for me. It was also more distressing to me.

You don’t need to feel guilt for your intrusive thoughts. It’s okay to just move on and carry on with your life. They don’t define you.