I'm Always Fucking Up Everything, No Matter Who I Talk To And No Matter What I Do. I'm Sick Of This..

im so scared theyll all leave me

im sorry,, i didnt mean to make you uncomfortable... im still scared to reveal myself so i might wait before i message you. hype myself up or something.. if you think you know you can message me i think..

i now realise i was spiralling, and you shouldnt have to deal with that. im going to go ground myself or something, maybe nap.. hope your day goes well and you look after yourself.

-⛓

you look after yourself as well. you haven’t made me uncomfortable. you can take all the time you need.

ive slowly been making less and less of an effort to hide things i think would give me away ^^' i have faith you will figure it out before i have the confidence to reveal myself hehehe -⛓

i have only the inkling of an idea.

i wonder where the ⛓️ anon went . . .

i’m still so deeply curious as to who it is.

its not that i wanted to stop talking to you, i was just didnt want to overstay my welcome if you have things to do./gen how far away is 9:30? its 8h away my time hehe -⛓

well, at time of writing this, it’s 9:07. i’ve decided to start redoing my tagging system, so that means i’m already on tumblr. i can always spare a few minutes to talk.

i’m a sick, sick man, aren’t i.

sick for wanting the duality of life itself, sick for wanting you. sick for wanting you at your worst, the screaming and manipulation and threat. sick for wanting you at your best, even if your best is feral and violent and obsessive.

i will bow before your alter, for forever, if it means i get to be near you for forever.

i want him at the red crescent-moon-shaped indents that bubble up blood as i beg and plead and cry, and i want him at the soft, soothing, big brown eyes as we both gently whisper murmurings of forgiveness.

i am but a sick man.

this is turning into a vent blog, and i hate it. i’m supposed to stay happy, and blissful, and the one people can depend on.

i’m a sorry excuse for a captain.

not as sweet as you. ^^

did you know someone once told me if they werent the one to hurt me you would do it. im ashamed of the fact i blushed, i just hope i hid it from that person well enough. -⛓

oh, that’s quite interesting.

are you saying you want me to hurt you, anon?

and here i thought you were more of the innocent, quiet type.

Everyone can, but does that mean everyone should? Do I really deserve to know what that feels like? I so desperately want to be loved and cared for, but Im a spineless burden. Spineless burdens dont get to be loved.. Especially not ones so damaged that they arent trusted to be able to keep them selves safe..

-⛓

now, don’t talk like that.

you are not a spineless burden. and you are worthy of love.

i’m sensing that you’ve gone through it. and that’s okay. you will heal. i promise.

nsfw.

please, please touch me. i’ve been so good, i deserve it, don’t i?

i just want you to set the rhythm, the pace, the energy. i want you to be in control.

tell me what toys to use, how fast to go, how high the vibrations should be…tell me what to do.

i’m always in control. let me give up the reigns.

please ?