Gentle Dominance

Good submissives seek out and listen carefully to whatever things make their partners happy (and their cocks hard.) They learn to excitedly let obedience to the cravings that their partners have become the focus of their own arousal.

Letting it fill the full horizon of your mind is the nature of the experience a submissive should always strive for. Develop your arousal entirely within service to your Dominant partner’s preferred kinks.

Of course, in a healthy BDSM relationship the Dominant partner is also attentive to your interests and sexual triggers and will shape their own cravings by using YOUR sexual energy as an essential ingredient. This should at times be so deeply entwined together that the submissive cannot differentiate easily which energy and kinks belonged originally to the Dominant partner or to them. This blending and loss of self awareness is often a necessary element of healthy “relationship subdrop.”

Relationship supdrop is the idea that simply spending time being present within the relationship’s energy is a step into subdrop. This is the very first stage of development for a 24/7 D/s relationship.

The two partners at some point or another might simply look at each other and realize that their energy extends so deeply into each other that sometimes, oftentimes, it can be hard to see life as being anything else.

Begin in a place that deeply appeals to a sub to facilitate subdrop’s first stages and then any escalations into subspace makes it possible to introduce other harder to process kinks and also sexual elements of service to the Dominant’s preferences that would have met resistance if introduced at the wrong time. In this way the fact that they are the Dominant’s preferences becomes lost. Remember, as a submissive your primary focus is to fill your horizon with service to and arousal from your Dominant’s kinks and preferences. Once enmeshed in the elevation of an experience whatever the Dominant introduces, if done skillfully, will truly feel like it was a kink you held hidden away deep inside of you all along. In truth, given the interconnected reality of our existence using this tool to access the interpersonal psychology of your relationship with your partner is completely understandable.

Dominance and Depression

When getting out of bed, cleaning the house, and paying the bills are unbearable chores, being responsible for another human being’s welfare can feel like a crushing burden. A Dominant who lives with depression may at times feel weak, irresponsible, no match for the task of even showing up to the job, nevermind exerting the effort and strength required to be the submissive’s rock and shelter. Depression creates unique challenges for the relationship, and will test the strength and patience of both Dominant and submissive. Only by working together can the couple maintain their bond and fulfill their roles.

Here are a few observations and bits of wisdom I’ve gleaned from capable sources, as well as from my own time in the trenches.

Your mental health is your responsibility. Yes, your partner should support you in every way possible and make all efforts to help you through the rough patches. But no one can cure you. No one can save you. No one can carry the burden for you. Take your meds. Talk to your therapist. Keep your appointments. And when you feel like doing nothing but lying in bed and hiding from the world, remember that you are a Dominant, you are strong, you are your own light. Throw off those covers and leap out of bed.

Tell your submissive what you need. This is often exceedingly difficult, because you may not have a clue what you need. But make every effort to keep those lines of communication open. During your lowest times, your submissive may feel lost and unsure without your usual guidance and strength. Assure them that you love them still, that this depression is in no way a reflection on them, and give them tasks that will allow them to do what most drives them: pleasing you

Submissives, this is your opportunity to step up and show your quality. Pleasing your Dominant is your purpose and goal in this relationship. Keep to your daily rituals and rules as much as possible. Remind your owner that you belong to them, that you love them with all your heart, and that they are not alone in the darkness. Do those things that usually please them, without waiting to be told. And above all, be available, and be patient. They will come back to you. You just have to turn on the light for them to find their way home.

Depression can sap all of your strength and motivation. It can make you doubt everyone and everything. Be kind and gentle with yourself. You’re not suffering from depression; you are living with it. You are not a victim; you are a survivor. When the darkness settles around you like an impenetrable fog, remember the steel you’re made of and the be empowered by the worship of the one who loves you above all others. Get up. Wake up. Arise, O lions, and shake off the delusion that you are sheep.

Occasionally, keep me on a diet of nothing but your piss and cum. Remind me that I need you like I need water. Literally.  Make me beg for your piss like my life depended on it.

This is good advice for the mechanical elements of becoming more physically pleasing, but I would expand upon it significantly.

Learning how to “blow his mind” goes well beyond physical ability and proficiency with the actions of being a good, devoted, cum swallowing friend/partner/girfriend/wife.

When a man is cuming that is the psychological trigger for you to dive deep. When a man is cuming you have a craving that kicks in. You need his cum. You need to taste, swallow, and radiate with the possession of every drop of cum he could issue to your insatiable need for it. It is the moment of great communion where your love unites and you gain the fleeting magical glow of being the good girl who loves him so much that she swallows all of his cum because it fills your heart with happiness.

The successful alignment of your enthusiasm is gauged by what attitude that enthusiasm stems and the depth of the sincerity of that energy as it is flowing between you as a man’s orgasm floods into you with his energy. An energy always seeking a connection that truly and sincerely craves it to be taken deep inside… This is essential for anything even glimpsing what a mind blowing blow job involves.

Let me simplify:

A man’s orgasms create a direct connection with a universal energy that is looking to find the deepest and most magical well in all the universe. If he is not cuming in your pussy and activating a billion or more years of connection to this shared energy with you and feeling you getting pregnant while in the orgasmic moment that is connecting him to you while you have also aroused your connection such that you suspended together beyond space and time in your connection to this infinite energy of creative magic; then if that or its nearest facsimile is not what is happening and instead he is cuming in your mouth, there is a different infinite magical energy you are responsible for learning how to navigate together. The magical power of creation being drunk and creating connection through that magical elixir. You have within you a similar connection and channel that sucking my cock can activate.

Some men are not well attuned to the realm of the infinite that swims all around us. Others need to dance with the love of their life in it because it is there that they feel most alive.

a LOT of kink content on tumblr is fantasy and does not reflect what kink should actually be like. it is totally ok to be turned on by these fantasies and it's good to incorporate them into your sex life in safe ways. however a lot of the hot hardcore kink scenarios that make it seem like everything was spontaneous are not necessarily lying to you, but they are leaving out the "before" part. kink requires a LOT of discussion and communication. you should not forsake this part of kink because you wanna get to sex immediately because the before and after of kink are just as important, if not more, than the during.

Tips for faceslapping women

- Find her tolerance limit: First hit her softly and then gradually increase the force of each slap if you see she can take it. - Always make her close her mouth before the slap to avoid her teeth cutting inside her mouth during the slap. - Always hit her in the jaw. Never close to the ear (audition loss hazard), nose (bleeding nose harzard) or eyes. Any hit above the cheekbone (around the eye) will give her a black eye. - If you wanna slap her hard in one cheek, then is useful to support her other cheek with your other hand. This is done to avoid a strong “whiplash effect” on her head. -Avoid slapping her as a punishment/discipline. She has a fatty butt and some sensitive thighs that can be used for that purpose. Those are much safer to hit than her face. Use them. - Never slap her with anger.

A good slap puts a naughty girl immediately in her place. It makes her shut up immediately so it’s really effective against a back-talking girl. Normally it brings instant tears of submission. But it can be a severe tool, so it must be used with care.

Remember: Women are delicate beings and they are easy to break. Better play with your toys without breaking them… so you can keep on playing!

Cheers

;-)

Javier

When you think about having a collar on and having nothing else to think about except whether or not you have kept your owner’s cock hard and his attention held as he imagines different ways to use you in pursuit of his orgasm, it makes your slutty little whore hole drip.

You should ram your fingers in it right now and then smear what your cunt is leaking all over your face and tits, while you thank your master for giving you the opportunity to be nothing more than a dripping hole serving his dick and whatever he might dream up to perversely do to you.

You should bend over and smear your tight little asshole with the drippings from your cunt and then when you’re sure he’s looking at you, ram your fingers in your dirty little hole so that he knows for sure that not only can he ram his dick in whatever hole he wants, but that you are excited about being ready for it. Excited to let him see your need for his cock. Excited to let him see your craving to be of service.

Suck your fingers right out of your asshole to remind him that you understand what you are. Show him that you have only as much dignity as his cock prefers for you to have. Show him that your holes exist to be of service to whatever degrading perversions he wishes to exercise upon you or through you.

Ask him if his friends will be joining you or whether he is going to be the only one stretching and using all of your holes for the evening.

Ask him what objects would entertain him to see you fuck inside of yourself as you spread your legs wide and stroke fingers in and out and all around your dripping cunt.

Be consciously proactive in stimulating his imagination by inviting him to think of you in perverse ways. Lead his thoughts directly into connecting you to your collectively preferred perversions. Do this by actively leading his thoughts toward imagining using your body as entertainment in service of the perversions you think might be among the preferences for the moment.

Ask him if there’s a bottle in the cabinet that you might be allowed to fuck before pouring him a drink from it.

Ask him if there are any utensils in the kitchen he plans on using later so that you might fuck yourself with them and leave them out on the counter for him hoping to encourage him to think about the way you are enthusiastic about providing him sexual service in the mundane things from daily life.

Another easy example: When you are going to change clothes into your pajamas, ask him if he has any preferences about what you wear and offer to show him what different outfits will look like.

Don’t just come out in the different clothes, present yourself as part of the story these clothes fit into. If you aren’t sure, ask him to tell you stories about what kind of girl, perversion. and experience he thinks accompanies your outfits. Give your mind the space to accept that whatever he says is in service to creating arousal and that your role in this is something he is excited about. The perversions may at first be intense or unsettling to hear or realize are being imagined about you. Try to relax and lean into finding ways that these perversions can arouse you. The first couple examples are easy ways to get his direct involvement, if you are having difficulty with the other options.

Put on an open cup bra that lifts and presents your tits, a tight pair of panties with an open crotch, and a slave collar. Crawl out with a leash or a paddle held in your teeth. Tell him you’re having trouble deciding what to wear to bed and that you need instruction. Tell him you don’t know what would make him want to use you for his pleasure the most, but that is the outfit that you want to pick. Beg him for help.

Come out naked carrying nothing but his belt and tell him you’re having trouble deciding what to wear to bed and that you think if only he would give you a little bit of an attitude adjustment and some guidance that you’re sure you’d be able to pick out just the right thing.

Put on a little schoolgirl style nightgown with a cute little character on your panties and ask him if He thinks this outfit would make her perverted Daddy’s cock hard if she wore it to around the house and then to bed.

Put on a body harness and a dog collar and ask if a good little doggy could earn her way to sleeping in the bed with her owner.

Put on one of his T-shirts and some panties that get very easy to finger into your pussy when you’re wet and ask if he’d like to get you really high and take advantage of you.

Put on something very elegant and ask if you might be able to discuss opportunities for him to whore you out like a high-end call girl.

Come out wearing some bridal lingerie and ask him if you could start planning your next gangbang or other slutwife adventure.

Come out wearing some super slutty hooker street walking clothes and tell him you’re not sure where your wife went, but that you are happy to let him fuck you for free in exchange for some feedback on what kind of slutty outfits a cheap whore like you should wear to bed.

Etc… etc…

Everybody knows (due to an overfocus of imbalanced fetishized content) that in D/s there is an exchange of power where the Dom shapes the submissive to suit the Dom’s needs.

However, this isn’t the full scope of how a D/s dynamic actually works in a successful practice. Toward that end here is a brief explainer on some of what too often gets left out.

Two of the most commonly overlooked facts/elements of D/s instruction are:

1. Both participants are equals

If you find yourself himming and hawing about this fact, you have a lot to learn and it is good that you are reading this! Both participants are equals. D/s is exactly a Yin Yang energy flow dynamic. If it is not then it is not going to be a successful D/s dynamic.

Most of what you see online lacks the balance and perspective that actually underpins a successful dynamic.

Ultimately what is demonstrated in these is simply a fetishization of one part of the energy flow. It is the visually appealing element of the power exchange in action. A scene such as one where a submissive is crawling on a leash as the Dominant leads them to the place where the submissive will demonstrate their enthusiasm and commitment to pleasing the Dominant through various and perverse acts, a sub being spanked, choked, slapped, spit on, or whatever it is that arouses the energy flow’s enthusiastic exploration from the participants.

However, what is usually not made clear is that the participants chose from a position of equality to explore these acts together. That the submissive can pause, change, or immediately end the entire experience with the utterance of a word.

That the submissive has the responsibility of guiding the Dom when the Dom is not easily finding the connection for the energy flow. it is a dance that requires two equal partners. Yes, in the fetishized element there is a gifting from the submissive to the Dominant of power, rights, and decision-making. This is because the submissive wants to be guided through experiences that they will have difficulty experiencing without guidance from someone who takes those controls and manages them on behalf of the submissive.

2. A sub shapes a Dom to suit the sub’s needs

(There is a fine line between “topping from the bottom“ and D/s energy flow with a submissive who is participating in the energy flow submissively from the bottom, but that’s going further into the weeds. Then this general post is intending to address. Maybe I’ll get more into that later in another post.)

Every healthy D/s inclusive energy flow relationship or scenario requires that two equal partners get together and negotiate what the nature of their relationship or experiences are going to be. A Dominant cannot truly fulfill a sub’s needs without the input of the submissive.

BDSM is a growth experience where communication put into practice defines the focus of exploration. When a submissive simply goes along with whatever their Dominant wants, but yet is not happy with the result, that submissive is harming and undermining the success of the relationship or scenario.

Submissives have a required element of participation in communicating their needs and shaping the experiences that are pursued. In a successful and healthy dynamic, the Dom is shaped by the interests and needs of the submissive.

It is a common misconception that all that occurs in a DS relationship or scenario is that a submissive simply serves the Dominant in whatever way the Dom demands. Again, this is because the only part of the overall experience that is fetishized is the best case practice moment. Yes, in the best case practice moment, the Dominant is using the sub’s power to direct and control the activities the sub practices as the sub responds to the demands of the Dom. What you don’t see in that snapshot, is the fact that the sub is performing acts that appeal directly to the interests that the submissive has within the experience.

For some subs, it is indeed simply a service kink. What they get out of it is an opportunity to successfully servicing their Dominant’s demands. However, in order for the Dominant to lead them in an experience that is successful, the Dominant has to understand the things that are going to cause the submissive to be pulled out of their enjoyment.

The submissive is giving a gift, but that gift has to be exercised in a way that is successful.

Success requires that the Dominant stay within the boundaries of the submissive and only present things that challenge the submissive in ways that ultimately lead into the submissive’s enjoyment rather than caused the submissive to drop out of their enjoyment.

Of course, there will be things that are presented that are challenges for the sub to maintain as they demonstrate their enthusiasm for servicing their dominant. Things that the Dominant wants from the sub, but that might not be directly appealing to the sub. Things that can be explored as part of an overall journey that leads back into the sub’s enjoyment.

Oftentimes, the Dominant will lead the sub through things that please the dominant by using an energy flow focus that appeals to the submissive.

Working together in advance of a scenario is an essential part of planning for success. Negotiating about the kind of energy and acts that the participants are comfortable exploring increases the possibility for success in a relationship or scenario.

Sometimes a girl wants a man to silence, her racing thoughts and a distractions so that she can practice becoming a good girl.

What does it mean to want to practice becoming a “good girl”?

For some, this is solely about being “good” in the eyes of the person she wants to hear that praise from. This is perfectly valid and very common among submissive girls.

For others, it is an internal sense of moving toward a personal goal that involves accepting and amplifying her feminine and submissive personal identity. For these girls, it is often times a want that their Dominant partner helps them to silence racing thoughts and distractions related to her feminine and submissive identity not being valid. The incorrect idea that it is inappropriate for a woman to enjoy and seek out experiences that activate her sexual energy if that sexual energy is particularly feminine and submissive.

Feminism includes the fact that a woman has the right, the essential and inalienable entitlement, to live her life anyway she wants to in this regard. If she is excited about being acute and girly submissive who derives pleasure from being the object of men’s pleasure… She’s entitled to that authentic personal sexual identity.

So, sometimes a woman pursuing the development of her sexual identity. In this regard will seek out a Dominant to create scenes that help her practice having access to these elements of her sexual identity.

Maybe He tells her that his boot on her mouth is symbolic of making these noises shut up.

Maybe He doesn’t and just lets her imagination activate on it, letting her get turned on by His direct act of seemingly disempowering degradation. Maybe the humiliation of having a man’s boot on her mouth, triggers her drippy cunt into action and then he further humiliates her by pointing out the fact that his boot on her mouth is turning her on.

Figuring out the tone and words that are enough to be guiding into the right direction without them overwhelming the submissive takes good communication before and after playing out a scenario like this. What she needs might even vary from one scenario to another. Sometimes it’s important to try the same energy of a scenario a few times, before there is enough understanding to have clear communication about it afterword.

Navigating the experience, takes trial and error in order to determine what practice really needs to look like so a woman can develop and embody the energy she seeks for herself.

It is always important to understand what you are both consenting to. A Dominant doesn’t want to get it wrong any more than a submissive wants the Dominant to get it wrong.

Trust and communicate.

Don’t be afraid to try something that didn’t work quite right again if you don’t yet understand how to communicate about it.

In that case, DO communicate about the fact that something didn’t quite go right and that the reason for trying it again is to give it a sincere chance at working while being more experienced should it not go well again.

I’m not saying that if something went horribly wrong that you have to do it again. I’m saying that if something didn’t go quite right, not to be afraid of trying it again while communicating in advance that something about it last time didn’t go quite right.

Sometimes practicing something means exploring around the edges where something didn’t go quite right so that you can clearly understand and communicate about why.