Everybody Knows (due To An Overfocus Of Imbalanced Fetishized Content) That In D/s There Is An Exchange

to you it’s perverted gross sex. to me it’s being creative, working through traumas and baggage, healing my inner child, playing, practicing intense vulnerability, finding even more ways to fall in love with my partner, finding more ways to fall in love with myself, learning confidence & how to ask for what i want, care work, emotional release, relaxing, community building, theater, dance, writing, problem solving, therapy, radical honestly, and so much more. and also it’s gross perverted sex.

Just to repeat myself

I've been seeing a recent influx of followers so now is a good opportunity to repeat a post I've made before:

This blog is not a safe space for nazis, trump supporters, right wingers, transphobes, homophobes or actual real life misogynists.

If any of the above describes you, kindly fuck off.

https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_how_couples_can_sustain_a_strong_sexual_connection_for_a_lifetime?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

The instructions are back!

CW: light degradation, some name calling, praise mixed with degradation. Not a hypnosis file!

I tell you what I want you to do each day of this week and how long at a minimum you should edge, and how you should do it. I won't ruin the surprises. You'll have to listen. As always, my messages are open, and I enjoy hearing from you. Have fun, and get edging!

Aftercare

I’ve organized some of the things I need from aftercare (in person or long distance) into 4 components, and thought it could be helpful for others too! I’ve put some examples for each, but it will of course look different for everyone.

1. Physical Care/Needs -

Wiping away tears

Helping up from floor

Getting a warm towel

Soothing bruises

Getting a glass of water

2. Physical Comfort/Affection -

Gentle kisses and hugs

Holding eachother tight

Breathing with eachother

Cuddling and/or napping together

Brushing fingers through hair

3. Scene Validation -

“That was so fun/sexy”

“That felt so good when you ____”

“You were such a good ____ for me”

“I love the bruises/marks you gave me”

“Thank you for (carrying out some fantasy) with me”

4. Human Affirmations -

“I love you; I care about you”

“I’m so grateful to have you in my life”

“I always have a great time when I’m with you”

“You’re a wonderful/kind/etc person”

Mentioning a non-sexual part of your relationship that you like, or reiterating that you value eachother as more than just a sub/dom(me)

I think that this can work whether you have a deeper connection or a more casual play partner! I always feel best when all of these components are covered during aftercare.

These things can obv be done in person, and I think it’s also really important to give this kind of care when you’re long distance, even if it’s just through words after sexting… for example-

“When we were done, I would help you up and wipe away your tears, bring you a warm towel and make sure you’re ok. Then I’d love to cuddle, with your head on my chest, and give you forehead kisses while telling you how good you made me feel and how wonderful of a person I think you are.”

Thanks for reading! Be safe everyone 💕💕

Here is an (exaggerated/fantasy) example of conditioning as part of training.

Let’s say, for example, that as part of a discussion and negotiation regarding what things might be part of a submissive’s practice goals it is mutually acknowledged that the submissive wants to improve on their cum swallowing.

This might on one hand, simply be a matter of skill training. Practice that removes a gag reflex or disgust reaction is one type of training. This is a type of training that could lead to the submissive experiencing pride in their success at swallowing. This is a type of training that could lead to the Dominant experiencing greater physical pleasure when the submissive is able to perform swallowing in a way that is more pleasing.

However, there is another type of training goal that could also come in to play. The above, exaggerated example is about a submissive being erotically conditioned as part of their training so they develop a sincerely enthusiastic relationship to swallowing cum.

(The example given, isn’t how I would go about such a training, but scrolling past it prompted the thought to write about it.)

For many tasks, like come, swallowing, or anal, sex or exhibitionism, just the performative ability to do the task is not the deeper goal. Rather it is to develop the performance skill as part of developing a new erotic relationship within themselves where an action, like swallowing, is connected to their real and sincere erotic desires in a truly enthusiastic way.

Training to simply perform a task or to develop a specific skill is different as a goal of a BDSM practice as compared to training to develop a different personal relationship within performing a task. Because of this the entire approach to training and practice will be quite different.

It is important to understand the difference between simple skill training and practicing to intentionally develop or change one’s erotic enthusiasm.

Groomed into being a cum addict. Made to swallow cum when forced to give blowjobs. Everything is tainted with cum. My drinks, my food. Even my toothpaste. Which is just straight-up cum on my toothbrush. You do this for months. Making me crave it, making me so addicted! Nothing tastes right. Nothing tastes as good as cum! I beg and plead for it when it’s not added to my food or drink. I crave it so much that even in public, I give blowjobs just so I can get my fix. I'm a whore and all you do to pay is to make sure you cum in my mouth.

Self delusional misinformation like this is why everyone rightly is laughing at actual “patriarchy” promoting people.

Feminism is simply the assertion that all people have an equal right to choose the life they want for themselves.

Weak men who cannot earn a woman’s submission demonize things out in the world so they have something to blame other than themselves for their inability to develop good relationships that reflect the lifestyle they desire. That lack and subsequent lashing out are pitiful, really.

Feminism simply means a woman gets to choose what she wants rather than pretending that weak men have an unearned right to hold power over what a woman chooses for herself.

Some men will choose not to have children and work. Some women will, also. That equality in having self determination is feminism. Some men want a submissive wife. Some women want to be a submissive wife. Weak men tantrum all about like toddlers without their blankie demanding a submissive wife because these men lack the developmental milestones to earn that sort of relationship.

Make it make sense…