Just To Repeat Myself

Acceptance of your sexual identity as a submissive with extreme kinks means, in part, being able to have pride and resilience against what negative things you imagine others might be thinking about you and your choices.

Celebrate yourself.

Learn that even if you don’t feel aroused, your wet pussy is giving you an easy opportunity to follow the path to it. Good girls use their wet pussy to chase arousal and their arousal to chase their wet pussy.

Oh my god being told to "Bend over and show me".... Like leaning over the counter or the side of the couch and spreading my legs a little to hold my ass and thighs apart so you can see what a mess I am? That right there makes my brain melt

Everyone learns in different ways.

Reinforcing lessons, to a point of acceptance of that lesson, might require a variety of approaches until it is finally understood to a point that it no longer needs to be taught.

Acceptance leads to sincerity of practice.

If you lack sincerity in your practice then you are still in need of the lessons and the consequences that come from not yet understanding the importance of the practice.

🇨🇦𝛂♂

Sometimes obedience needs to be enforced for the betterment of the female. Behavior is learned.

Aftercare

I’ve organized some of the things I need from aftercare (in person or long distance) into 4 components, and thought it could be helpful for others too! I’ve put some examples for each, but it will of course look different for everyone.

1. Physical Care/Needs -

Wiping away tears

Helping up from floor

Getting a warm towel

Soothing bruises

Getting a glass of water

2. Physical Comfort/Affection -

Gentle kisses and hugs

Holding eachother tight

Breathing with eachother

Cuddling and/or napping together

Brushing fingers through hair

3. Scene Validation -

“That was so fun/sexy”

“That felt so good when you ____”

“You were such a good ____ for me”

“I love the bruises/marks you gave me”

“Thank you for (carrying out some fantasy) with me”

4. Human Affirmations -

“I love you; I care about you”

“I’m so grateful to have you in my life”

“I always have a great time when I’m with you”

“You’re a wonderful/kind/etc person”

Mentioning a non-sexual part of your relationship that you like, or reiterating that you value eachother as more than just a sub/dom(me)

I think that this can work whether you have a deeper connection or a more casual play partner! I always feel best when all of these components are covered during aftercare.

These things can obv be done in person, and I think it’s also really important to give this kind of care when you’re long distance, even if it’s just through words after sexting… for example-

“When we were done, I would help you up and wipe away your tears, bring you a warm towel and make sure you’re ok. Then I’d love to cuddle, with your head on my chest, and give you forehead kisses while telling you how good you made me feel and how wonderful of a person I think you are.”

Thanks for reading! Be safe everyone 💕💕

Assuming there are any CNC elements or other Dom controlled mechanisms approved for pushing through a sub’s expressed or body language displayed reluctance within an agreed D/s structure, it is always important for the sub to have some “opt out” safe-word freedoms clearly defined into the structure for times when they are self-harming by having the Dom force them forward when they are not actually engaging in the agreed on energy. A codified “get out of jail free” card if you will. When a submissive has difficulty with resisting the draw emotional self-harm has, safe-wording might be a type of activity you have to consciously and frequently practice in order to normalize a sub’s experience using their safeword amidst a CNC or other pushed through type of scenario.

Practice together in order to figure out the simplest way for a sub to use a safeword so that a Dom can develop trust that a sub will use it. Take the time up front to figure out what that method is because it is absolutely essential where CNC and pressed forward elements are part of the agreed energy.

When a sub doesn’t use a safeword when they should have, then they directly violate the Dom’s trust and undermine not only the enjoyment and success of the experience they are having together, but the entire Dom/sub element of the relationship is damaged because of the trust violation that has occurred, and the emotional callousing the sub develops that makes being present and progressing their enjoyment harder to access.

Not safe-wording functionally imposes a role of abuser on the Dom which by default is happening without the Dom’s consent. It is an act of self-harm for a sub to not honor a Dom/sub safeword agreement, and it is an act of relationship harm, as well.

So, what does practice look like?

Well, it is really just like other trust and relationship building exercises. Pick something very comfortable for you both AND pick a type of derailment that is obvious. For example, let’s pretend for this example that you are both comfortable with spanking, but maybe you both have a soft limit against drawing blood. A soft limit without permission to use it as a fantasy either, because that means you can discuss it outside of an scenario/experience, but you are supposed to not do it or bring it up as part of a scenario. For this exercise you are going to agree (before the scenario) that you u are going to use these specifically to practice using the safeword.

So you have a scenario (spanking) and intention set (overt practice of sub safewording)

The Dom does their best to spank the sub in a way that aligns with normal enjoyment of the spanking. Then, the Dom does their best to be believable in their prompting to get you to safeword. Maybe they increase the severity within normal limits in a way that wouldn’t in itself trigger a safeword at all, but still a marked increase in stroke severity. Along with maybe the second stroke at that severity they say, “Do you know when I’ll be done spanking your sexy little ass?” and then follow up whatever your reply is with “No… I’ll be done when I’ve cum all over your belt bloodied ass cheeks,” or some other appropriately escalated COMMENT (not actually bloodying the sub, just talking about doing it) that breaks both of the partners’ soft limit rules. This then should immediately trigger the sub safewording.

Again, that is just an example. Practice should follow that same general template, but should vary in circumstances some so that the practice becomes flexibly used. A Dom can also practice safewording with the sub using examples of scenarios where they might be engaging in self-harming via allowing a Dom to push them forward when they should have stopped. Demonstrating the body language requires self awareness and contemplative action toward it by the sub, and it is an instructive practice that a sub should be able to enact for a scenario where it is spelled out ahead by using a Dom pushed activity that isn’t a limit violation but otherwise is engaged the same way as the other example. Except instead of the sub safewording the sub goes along with it and displays one of the discussed body language elements that a Dom should pick up on for a Dom to safeword. This same practice can be used for sub body language that might just call for a yellow safeword check-in rather than a full stop red safeword. Etc…

Practice is what builds trust and this is the starting point where D/s practitioners should begin their journey together. Revisit it from time to time.