Aaa-bdsm-instruction - A Collection Of Instructive Thoughts

PSA:

The various found content that people repost onto their blogs will be used by me as a writing prompt. I do this commonly as a way to randomly/spontaneously generate and write down some of my own random thoughts.

I write for my own self reflective benefit and purpose.

Don’t try to make yourself the center of my attention simply because I reblogged something you posted (specifically when it is not your own actual content) and then added my own thoughts.

Unless you are my partner, you are 100% irrelevant - in every way - to what I am writing and why I am writing it.

If I write something and it offends your shallow skim on a topic, that’s a you issue. Entirely. Simply block me. Whatever drama you are craving isn’t going to manifest here in any way other than me blocking you.

Oh my god being told to "Bend over and show me".... Like leaning over the counter or the side of the couch and spreading my legs a little to hold my ass and thighs apart so you can see what a mess I am? That right there makes my brain melt

The first step is accepting that you need training.

The next step is asking someone that you think might be willing to train you for them to put the time and effort in to provide you their training.

The next step is to discuss all of the elements of what training would include and negotiating together so that the greatest chances of success and fulfillment from training become possible.

Then, you will have to work together in order to create and fine-tune a practice that reflects both of your needs, goals, and enjoyment.

Then you will have to do the work. Both of you. Training takes time and energy and focus to create appropriate systems and practices. Being trained takes time and energy and focus to put the effort in that is required in order for the practice to become effective in helping you reach your goals.

Regular discussion about how things went in past experiences and sessions is essential to fine-tuning future practices.

Training is as much an art, as it is a practice, and the only way for the art aspect of it to blossom is to be sincere and give it access to your heart. Dedication to practice can, through sincerity, open the heart to true enjoyment and artistry, and it is OK for that to be the pathway.

if she wears cute lingerie for you don’t take everything off, push the panties to the side and fuck her in her cute little outfit.

Choosing IS feminism.

Why are we cursed with such an ignorant population of men so desperate to control women that they reveal their stupidity on the topic of women with such relentless enthusiasm…

This is good advice for the mechanical elements of becoming more physically pleasing, but I would expand upon it significantly.

Learning how to “blow his mind” goes well beyond physical ability and proficiency with the actions of being a good, devoted, cum swallowing friend/partner/girfriend/wife.

When a man is cuming that is the psychological trigger for you to dive deep. When a man is cuming you have a craving that kicks in. You need his cum. You need to taste, swallow, and radiate with the possession of every drop of cum he could issue to your insatiable need for it. It is the moment of great communion where your love unites and you gain the fleeting magical glow of being the good girl who loves him so much that she swallows all of his cum because it fills your heart with happiness.

The successful alignment of your enthusiasm is gauged by what attitude that enthusiasm stems and the depth of the sincerity of that energy as it is flowing between you as a man’s orgasm floods into you with his energy. An energy always seeking a connection that truly and sincerely craves it to be taken deep inside… This is essential for anything even glimpsing what a mind blowing blow job involves.

Let me simplify:

A man’s orgasms create a direct connection with a universal energy that is looking to find the deepest and most magical well in all the universe. If he is not cuming in your pussy and activating a billion or more years of connection to this shared energy with you and feeling you getting pregnant while in the orgasmic moment that is connecting him to you while you have also aroused your connection such that you suspended together beyond space and time in your connection to this infinite energy of creative magic; then if that or its nearest facsimile is not what is happening and instead he is cuming in your mouth, there is a different infinite magical energy you are responsible for learning how to navigate together. The magical power of creation being drunk and creating connection through that magical elixir. You have within you a similar connection and channel that sucking my cock can activate.

Some men are not well attuned to the realm of the infinite that swims all around us. Others need to dance with the love of their life in it because it is there that they feel most alive.

It is important to understand that being a feminist simply means that a woman implicitly starts from a position of equality. Some women will then use that position of equality to choose to give some elements of their power over to a man. In the case of female submission this (a starting point of equality and the choice to give power to another) is in fact the only path to actual female submission. The narrative of intrinsic female inferiority is the narrative of weak and incompetent men who cannot earn the gift of a woman’s power.

I'm a feminist but...

(reblog and complete)

10  things a Dom expects a sub to know without being told

1. He needs to be the priority. Make him your priority regardless of how horny you are. A true Dom/sub relationship extends beyond sex into all other aspects of the partnership.

2. He has emotions and needs them acknowledged. The internet (and Tumblr is especially egregious in this regard) has created the toxic stereotype of the Dominant as this calm, cold, unemotional Olympian figure who is always as in charge of himself as he is of his submissive. Accept that your Dominant is human, and it is only normal, and that he will occasionally have a moment of weakness, or self-doubt, or — horrors! — shedding a tear.

3. Know him better than others. If your Dominant is having emotional difficulties, or even something as “insignificant” as a bad day at work, you should be sensitive to that, just as he needs to do likewise for you. It’s a mutually-caring relationship after all.

4. Let him control things (including you). That is his responsibility. Yours is to obey.

5. Abide by the rules. Your Dominant constructs various rules, tasks, rituals, etc, for a purpose. That purpose may not always be obvious to you. It doesn’t have to be. Trust that he knows what he’s doing. If you’re not willing to put in the work, then you should do some soul-searching and evaluate how deep (or even genuine) your submission really is.

6. Remember that he is yours. This is always reciprocal. Just as he expects your total devotion and commitment and fidelity, you have the right to expect those things from him. To be clear, this is not the same as taking your Dominant for granted. Just as he has to earn those things from you every day, so you also have to earn them from him every day.

7. Appreciate the work he puts into you, and let him know that you appreciate it. Being a dominant (especially in a day-to-day rather than sporadic relationship) is hard work. Let him know how much it means to you that he considers you worthy of all that work and direction and energy.

8. Be mindful of your respective positions in the D/s relationship. He is your Dominant. Can you be affectionately playful and impish? Yes; any Dominant who doesn’t  relish such from his submissive on occasion has some significant self-confidence issues. Sarcastic or willfully bratty? No way.

9. Give the same respect you get. If he shows you that, despite the way your relationship might look to the vanillas, he holds you in the highest respect, then return that  respect. If you come to the conclusion that he does not hold you in the highest respect, you might want to reevaluate your relationship and possibly move on.

10. Above all else: he expects your submission to be whole and complete and without reservation, save for those things that the two of you negotiate as equals before you offer him your submission (and renegotiate from time to time as the relationship evolves). You don’t get to submit just when you’re in the mood. There are no half-measures.

And on the flipside

10 things a sub expects a Dom to know…without being told

1. She needs to be the priority. She doesn’t want to compete with others. If every woman is hot, she’ll find it hard to stand out….and she needs to stand out.

2. She has emotions and needs them acknowledged. Probably more than you bargained for.

3. She needs you to know her better than others do….if her friends notice she was in a slump, you should notice first.

4. There are some things some of us just can’t physically do…don’t expect her to do something just because your last sub could or you’ve seen another sub do it. Not every sub can take a dick all the way down her throat.

5. Don’t compare her. She’s her own individual. She’s unique. That’s probably why you chose her in the first place. She may not be the hottest sub or have pics of her pink parts spread out for the world to see. But she goes out of her way to be the best in your eyes. Show her that she is.

6. Let her control things. ( wait, don’t let your heads explode here). If you’ve delegated certain chores to her…give her the control to do them. If they are getting done, does it really matter that they weren’t done in the exact way you would’ve done them?

7. Enforce the rules. All the time. Not just when it makes you feel Domly. After all, she’s in this D/s relationship because she needs the structure of the rules. She might sigh or grumble… but rules are partly why she’s here.

8. Remind her she’s yours. Every day. Even if you haven’t collared her, she’s given herself to you. She wants to hear and see that you own her. (Example: a hand full of hair while firmly kissing her will remind her of that…and get her wet in the process ;). )

9. Appreciate the submission she gives you. It takes more for some to submit than just the act of doing what they are told. She might find that she has to submit herself every day.

10. Be hers. Just as she is yours. Let her know that you aren’t just a Dom…you are HER Dom.

These are two separate blog posting yet fitting for one. That way everyone that needs it has both  to understand both sides of the coin. 

Something I commonly see that isn’t explained with enough frequency is hypnokink and adjacent ideas regarding the “blank” mind-state.

There are a variety of approaches to subspace, subdrop, and the practices that make those elements more accessible. One of the most common is the idea of some form of letting go of the entrapments of one’s day-to day anxieties and social demands. The “ego-death” pathway that is part of self-development pathways such as mindfulness, contemplative engagement, and other growth practices.

Some practitioners extoll the benefits of substance use to facilitate the rigidity relaxing state through things like alcohol, but alcohol creates a set of problems related to self-esteem reduction and being an intrinsic obstacle to personal ownership of one’s subspace/subdrop experiences and practices.

More healthy, helpful, and sustainable are the self-discipline based practices that support access to subspace as part of a healthy personal growth and development practices like meditation, repetition, and dedication.

For most there is an external support structure preferred either because it has proven to be needed due to one obstacle or another. Maybe self-discipline is the challenge or it could be that intrusive thoughts make a totally solo-practice too difficult to initiate. A myriad of reasons can make a solo practice challenging, including those and other examples or even simply because the enjoyment is tethered to being partnered in the pursuit and practice. (We are social creatures after all.)

Understanding that you have an obstacle and need a path that manages and supports your practice in overcoming it is an essential part of doing the work.

That gets us back around to an oft overlooked aspect of the work with an external source of assistance. Whether it is a Dom/sub relationship partner or a generically presented/broadcast blog poster, etc… an external source will often guide you to a state of “mindlessness.” Being “blank.” Or other reductionist place.

The idea here being that just like when you take a breath, there is always a paused and potentiated space between the inward and the outward breaths. A blank moment at every peak and valley where all things are possible while no thing is being actuated. A channel of potential for any thing. This is a mindless space where nothing fills the horizon and every thing remains still and filled with potential.

Holding that space is a practice. Accepting another’s guidance (whether with your intention, their intention, or a negotiated intention developed by you both) is a practice.

Accessing subspace and/or subdrop is only made easier and deeper through conscious participation in some form of practice that supports it.

Some kinks fetishize a submissive remaining in some element of that state or a directly adjacent state. For example: “bimbo,” “pet,” or “doll” objectification kinks overtly reduce a person into this state and leave them there as they become a channel for service. A “Bimbo” kink might commonly combine the channel with hyper accentuated happiness from the simplicity of not being burdened with responsibilities beyond being a Bimbo. A “Pet” kink might commonly combine the channel with hyper accentuated enthusiasm for service and/or a need for training. A “Doll” kink might hyper accentuate ability to remain deeply in the channel itself. (I present these as common but not exclusive examples.)

Suspension of disbelief is another element that supports access to the channel. You allow yourself full belief that you DO deserve that punishment. That you SHOULD be given that belt spanking. That you ARE excited about being a cumdump. That you WILL be happier while being displayed in a tiny little dress. That you DO want strangers to grope you on the dance floor. That greeting guests on your knees and offering them your mouth IS the best way to host a party. That you ARE a good girl if you swallow. That your wet pussy IS consent. That obedience IS the pathway to your personal pleasure. Etc… In suspension of disbelief or any other practice like this where societal norms, self esteem challenges, intrusive thoughts, or other obstacles get in the way of accessing that state of belief there is a bridge needed. The bridge is that pause between breaths. That channel in between what is currently occurring and what will be occurring after the bridge is traversed. Practicing access to the channel will identify the best ways for you and your obstacles to find your way to the channel.

One more item I’d like to discuss is Hypno-kink which also engages the elements of this bridge to a mindless/blank channel while accentuating an adjacent consensual non-consent element. It is a practice where suspension of disbelief is something you empower to be activated by another person on your behalf.

For many, the mindless space is not the end goal, but a transitional space one passes through on their way from one mental state (where it may be difficult to self direct into a subspace channel) into another mental state where subspace is actualized. This is the nature of the adjacent kinks being prevalent elements that accompany this part of a bdsm practice.

Assuming there are any CNC elements or other Dom controlled mechanisms approved for pushing through a sub’s expressed or body language displayed reluctance within an agreed D/s structure, it is always important for the sub to have some “opt out” safe-word freedoms clearly defined into the structure for times when they are self-harming by having the Dom force them forward when they are not actually engaging in the agreed on energy. A codified “get out of jail free” card if you will. When a submissive has difficulty with resisting the draw emotional self-harm has, safe-wording might be a type of activity you have to consciously and frequently practice in order to normalize a sub’s experience using their safeword amidst a CNC or other pushed through type of scenario.

Practice together in order to figure out the simplest way for a sub to use a safeword so that a Dom can develop trust that a sub will use it. Take the time up front to figure out what that method is because it is absolutely essential where CNC and pressed forward elements are part of the agreed energy.

When a sub doesn’t use a safeword when they should have, then they directly violate the Dom’s trust and undermine not only the enjoyment and success of the experience they are having together, but the entire Dom/sub element of the relationship is damaged because of the trust violation that has occurred, and the emotional callousing the sub develops that makes being present and progressing their enjoyment harder to access.

Not safe-wording functionally imposes a role of abuser on the Dom which by default is happening without the Dom’s consent. It is an act of self-harm for a sub to not honor a Dom/sub safeword agreement, and it is an act of relationship harm, as well.

So, what does practice look like?

Well, it is really just like other trust and relationship building exercises. Pick something very comfortable for you both AND pick a type of derailment that is obvious. For example, let’s pretend for this example that you are both comfortable with spanking, but maybe you both have a soft limit against drawing blood. A soft limit without permission to use it as a fantasy either, because that means you can discuss it outside of an scenario/experience, but you are supposed to not do it or bring it up as part of a scenario. For this exercise you are going to agree (before the scenario) that you u are going to use these specifically to practice using the safeword.

So you have a scenario (spanking) and intention set (overt practice of sub safewording)

The Dom does their best to spank the sub in a way that aligns with normal enjoyment of the spanking. Then, the Dom does their best to be believable in their prompting to get you to safeword. Maybe they increase the severity within normal limits in a way that wouldn’t in itself trigger a safeword at all, but still a marked increase in stroke severity. Along with maybe the second stroke at that severity they say, “Do you know when I’ll be done spanking your sexy little ass?” and then follow up whatever your reply is with “No… I’ll be done when I’ve cum all over your belt bloodied ass cheeks,” or some other appropriately escalated COMMENT (not actually bloodying the sub, just talking about doing it) that breaks both of the partners’ soft limit rules. This then should immediately trigger the sub safewording.

Again, that is just an example. Practice should follow that same general template, but should vary in circumstances some so that the practice becomes flexibly used. A Dom can also practice safewording with the sub using examples of scenarios where they might be engaging in self-harming via allowing a Dom to push them forward when they should have stopped. Demonstrating the body language requires self awareness and contemplative action toward it by the sub, and it is an instructive practice that a sub should be able to enact for a scenario where it is spelled out ahead by using a Dom pushed activity that isn’t a limit violation but otherwise is engaged the same way as the other example. Except instead of the sub safewording the sub goes along with it and displays one of the discussed body language elements that a Dom should pick up on for a Dom to safeword. This same practice can be used for sub body language that might just call for a yellow safeword check-in rather than a full stop red safeword. Etc…

Practice is what builds trust and this is the starting point where D/s practitioners should begin their journey together. Revisit it from time to time.