Day 26 – ”Ace Pride”

I am jealous of those who think more deeply, who write better, who draw better, who ski better, who look better, who live better, who love better than I.

Sylvia Plath (via infj-misc)

When I was in high school, I was in the GSA club and I was taught that the A in LGBTQIA was for ally. So I was like “I guess I must be an ally” because I was drawn to the community but didn’t relate to any of the other identities. I have crushes on boys all the time but I finally realized my crushes are a bit different than most people’s. I’m like “aw, wow he’s so cute , I just want to make him smile because his smile is aesthetically pleasing and hang out with him, and maybe we could hold hands.” I never knew people actually really had sexual thoughts about other people. I heard it in songs and all sorts of media but assumed it was all exaggerations. I somehow stumbled across the term asexual and was super confused because I never thought about sexual attraction. Like, what is that?? Apparently a thing most people feel, so as I continued reading on about the ace spectrum, I was astonished there was a word for how I felt. It took me a while to use the label for myself because I never heard of the term before and I didn’t want people to think I was making it up for attention. I knew I didn’t like girls the way I liked boys, so I thought I must be straight. I tried some sexual stuff and I was semi grossed out , semi bored. That’s when I started putting everything together and I was like “there’s no way I’m not ace.”

THIS IS WHY THIS WEEK IS SO IMPORTANT. If I was aware asexuality was a real and valid sexual orientation, I wouldn’t have had to try and be heterosexual. If other people were aware of asexuality, they wouldn’t have to invalidate me when I come out to them by saying things like “You’re not a plant”, “You haven’t met the right person yet,” “You’re still so young,” etc. If I haven’t met the right person yet, that probably makes me demi sexual , first of all, because I’m 19 and have never felt sexual attraction. Second of all, isn’t it funny that you’re never too young to identify as straight?? Anyways, I no longer consider myself straight because I’m aware of my differences and I’m aware that there’s nothing wrong with that.

Ait thesoundoftheriver: “Nothing is worse than how it feels to not be able to verbally express what you’re trying to get across to someone.”

If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.

C.S. Lewis (via infj-misc)

I get a lot of DMs asking me “How do I know if I have ADHD?” and the short and boring answer is “you can’t unless you talk to a doctor”.

But I want to share what I think should have been obvious clues to me!

I think it’s hard to judge your own symptoms if all you’ve known your entire life was ADHD. I was convinced I had no problems and just had to stop being lazy and all my problems would go away.

So, to everyone asking themselves “what if I’m just lazy?”, I hope you can find the courage from this to seek a diagnosis! And if you can’t:

Your struggles are legit and real, if they have a name or not.

Okay, so you’ve been called smart all your life. As a kid, you were one of the smartest in your class. Maybe you could read at a much higher level than your peers, or you could fly through multiplication drills like they were nothing. Then, you get to high school and suddenly you’re surrounded by lots of people who were ‘gifted kids’. None of what made you ‘special’ seems all that important now. Your work is actually challenging, and it’s actually requiring effort.

If you’re experiencing this, just know that so many students have gone through the same thing. Maybe it happens in high school, maybe college. But a lot of us who were considered gifted as kids suddenly run into this and it challenges our entire identity. It can be paralyzing, but it’s 100% possible to overcome it and succeed! I’ve compiled a few tips for ex-gifted kids dealing with impostor syndrome and self-doubt. I’m not a therapist, psychologist, or any sort of education expert. I’m just speaking to my own experiences, and I welcome any input from others who have insight into this as well!

1. Understand that working hard does not mean you aren’t intelligent. If something doesn’t come naturally to you, that’s not a reason to give up. Believing that people can do things “just because they were born with a talent for it” is only going to hurt you. It’s not true! People may have natural aptitudes for things, but hard work is involved even for the smartest or most talented people. You are capable of learning anything, and you don’t have to be “good at it” right away to do so.

2. Comparison will kill you. You are your only competition. Focusing on how you rank with other students, and comparing yourself to your classmates is going to exhaust you. By focusing on others, you can’t put your full energy into focusing on your work and yourself. You belong. Even if you struggle with your work, you belong. Focus on your own self-improvement and doing your best.

3. Don’t focus on the goal, focus on your current actions. If you’re always thinking about the future, and about whether you’ll get into that school or that program or win that award or get that scholarship, you’re not using that time to get work done. Don’t worry about college applications, just do your homework. Focus on what you are doing now to reach your goals so you can apply to schools with confidence later.

4. Your grades may not reflect intelligence, but they do reflect work ethic. Don’t let others convince you that grades mean nothing. They sure as hell mean a lot to colleges, and thinking that you should “reject the current education system” is not going to harm anyone but yourself. If you don’t feel like you’re learning anything in your high school classes, that’s all the more reason to want to get into a university that will challenge you. If you put effort into your work, it will not let you down. Your hard work will be reflected on your transcript. Don’t lose focus.

5. Talk to someone. Let people know if you’re struggling. It can be hard to feel like you aren’t allowed to identify as “smart” or to feel pressure to constantly compete and improve. I went to a highly competitive high school that pushed kids to cope in dangerous ways. This is not healthy and not okay. If you’re feeling overwhelmed you need to find healthy coping mechanisms. Speak with someone you trust and don’t let yourself spiral. Don’t try to self medicate. Your well being is always more important than your grades. Period.

6. Enjoy yourself. School may seem like hell, and you may feel like it will never end and you’ll always be stressed and worried. But high school is only four years, and you can do things during that time that you probably won’t ever again. Take advantage of things that seem fun, even if people think they’re nerdy or weird. Try and remind yourself that you’re lucky to have your education and you have the power to do great things with it. Don’t lose sight of your own ability and your bright future!

Small talk is varying degrees of enjoyable to terribly draining depending on the person it’s with. People that like to hear their own voices but, also want to be certain they have your attention are the most tiring I find.

Asexuality is weird because you’ll be 12 going “wow why are people my age concerned about sex we’re just kids” and then you’re 16 going “wow why are people my age concerned about sex we’re just kids” and then you’re an adult suddenly realizing that other people are attracted to people and want to have sex with them and that’s the normal thing at that age and you’re like oh maybe it’s me

Greek Pantheon Asks

Aphrodite: What do you love most about yourself?

Apollo: Do you have any talents?

Ares: What small thing makes you angry?

Artemis: What are you hunting for in life?

Athena: What is/was your best school subject?

Demeter: Do you miss anyone?

Dionysus: Do you drink alcohol? If so, what's your beverage of choice?

Eros: How do you define your sexuality?

Gaia: Where's your favorite place in the world?

Hades: Have you ever had a near-death experience?

Hecate: What do you think of magic?

Helios: Do you sunburn easily?

Hephaestus: What's the coolest thing you've ever made or built?

Hera: Are you the jealous type?

Hermes: Have you ever stolen anything?

Hestia: Where's your home away from home?

Hyperion: Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Hypnos: What was your most recent dream about?

Iris: What's your favorite color palate?

Kronos: What's the stupidest thing you've ever eaten?

Nemesis: What's a time you helped deliver justice?

Nike: What's your most recent accomplishment?

Nyx: What's your favorite nighttime activity?

Pan: What do you do for fun?

Persephone: What's your favorite season of the year?

Poseidon: What's your favorite sea creature?

Rhea: What's your favorite type of nature?

Selene: What's your favorite phase of the moon?

Tartarus: What's your personal hell?

Thanatos: Is there anyone you just really, really hate?

Uranus: What are your zodiac signs?

Zeus: What do you think about thunderstorms?

Hey, do you have any ace klaus headcanons? I just found out someone I knew and liked doesn’t believe aces experience oppression and it’s bumming me out, so I would really like some validation. If you don’t want to that’s fine.

I’m so sorry :( That really sucks. People suck!

I actually wrote a whole story that can be found right here just for ace Klaus.

And I will make some more just for you:

AKA. The “What if Klaus was ace sequel.”

Klaus returned home from Vietnam heartbroken. All he wanted was a long bath and to forget everything about the last year except the sound of Dave’s voice.

Then some weird shit happened with the apocalypse but that kind of sorted itself out.

In the end their family was left in a big empty house together just like when they were kids. 

He kind of expected them all to fuck off again like when they were kids. But no one left. Allison returned in between filming for her movies. Five had nowhere else to go. Vanya was there more often than not just to hang out. And even Diego started sleeping in the mansion, claiming it was for no other reason than the beds were better than the gym’s. 

It was with Diego who Klaus started bonding with the most. Diego talked about Eudora. Klaus talked about Dave.

And it was during one of these bonding sessions (crying sessions) that Klaus said to his brother that Dave’s was only person who never forced Klaus into sex.

DIEGO FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT.

“What do you mean force you?”

“Show me where these fuckers are I’ll stab them to death.”

“Fine I’ll ask Five to psychologically scar them if you won’t let me kill them!”

When Klaus finally calmed Diego down enough to explain, he told his brother that he never actually wanted sex, it was just that sex was the easiest way to get a roof over his head on cold nights and food in his belly and drugs in his system.

When Klaus was done explaining it all, including how amazing and perfect Dave is (was,) Diego said slowly, “Klaus do you think you’re asexual?”

To which Klaus replied “What’s asexual?”

And then that’s when Diego started explaining that Klaus was not broken or abnormal or weird.

Asexuality is completely and utterly okay.

And in the future there would be hours of looking up more about asexuality, learning about the ace spectrum, and of finding groups in the city where Klaus would meet close friends.

But that night there was just two Diego telling Klaus that he would never let anyone touch him again.

Except of course when Dave’s ghost wanted to give Klaus cuddles.