Some People Take Life Too Fast

I try to refrain from writing my bad thoughts, but goddamn sometimes I hate myself. Sometimes I hurt and I don’t know why. Like my heart is collapsing and my blood is desperately trying to run. Like my stomach is squeezing and the air doesn’t want to leave my lungs. It would be so much easier to die. To lay down and never get up again. I feel so weak and heavy but I’m so uncomfortable sitting still. Everything is spinning and god knows I’m sober. I try to scream but I’ve never wanted help. I’m a man and I have to be strong. I’m not allowed to be any other way. I really am alone. Nobody cares enough. Or maybe I care too much.

I wish I was never abandoned.

I wish that the people that said they loved me stuck around.

I wish I had a father growing up.

I wish I was strong enough to fight back when I was a kid.

I wish my friends were actually my friends.

I wish I could cry.

I wish I could talk to the only person that ever showed me love, but she’s gone.

I wish a lot of things, I even wish I could just disappear.

All these wishes yet all I can do is move forward. Fuck wishes, fuck a shooting star, fuck a birthday candle, fuck prayers, fuck a fortune cookie, I don’t believe in any of that shit. I’m no longer wishing.

Now stfu and put on that smile and act strong until you are. I will succeed. I will win. I will survive. I’m so angry that I’m going to beat all the odds just to spite the world. A big fuck you for making me go through this shit. This big bag of shit. And I’m only here to set it on fire. WHATEVER IT TAKES.

some things are,

better left untold,

im too old for feelings,

and feelings have gotten too old,

i dream of dreams,

and im dying to know,

what they mean,

or what they hold,

for he was a silver boy,

and all she craved was gold.

three days

till the weekend,

i feel weak and

cant even eat,

been reeking of weed,

can’t even sleep

but i’m so tired

i killed the sheep

i hate my skin

why do i exist

i look like if

god took a piss

a little green bug landed on my arm, out of instinct i swiped at it. oh what a shame something so small and so unaware had to meet its end, on my skin.

Always never, and never always

I’m stuck somewhere,

in the middle of nowhere.

Where here is just as there,

And then is just as now.

I know exactly where I’m lost,

And yet

i am unaware of everything around me.

We’re all different,

So aren’t we all the same?

I think too much,

And sometimes not enough.

Maybe it’s the act of balance,

Throughout all of this chaos.

Don’t we take life,

When we are given death?

Don’t we share hate,

When we steal love?

Sometimes we listen without understanding,

And sometimes we speak without meaning.

Everyone is justified,

And everyone is guilty.

Look at me trying to argue,

That we all can agree.

But we all just turn our backs,

And believe only what we see.

i want what i can’t have

“my head was killing me, i was killing me.”

— m.v

i think i would look peaceful in my casket

I am the dust on your shelf.

I am the passing wind.

I am the raindrops on your window.

Waiting for you to let me in.

I am the eyes of longing.

I am a quiet protector.

I am the memory of forgotten.

A lost time collector.

Your heart beats into mine,

Violently,

And unapologetic.

My turbulent mind now still,

Because the look in your eyes could kill,

But only was it your lips,

That could heal me from all of this.