Thursday Musings - 060225

hihii!!

you seem fun and chill but pls dont joke about being a narcassist

youre super pretty so you should totally love yourself but ik narcissists irl and you do NOT wanna be comparing yourself to those people girl

not forced tho obvi

off topic

finally another black girl who's into wonyoungism omg T-T its like we're rare or something

Heya!!! Thank yeww for reminding me of my worth ☺️🫶🏾. You're too kind. And you're right — no one should be having that kind of depreciating self talk even as a joke, the universe is funny place, manifestation is real and I do NAWT want to end up as a narcissist 💀

I'm sure many of us are anonymous; at least I was when I started.

Black wonyoungism bloggers unite 👊🏾😗

how to embrace being alone⋆.ೃ࿔*:･✍🏽🎀

learning to be alone is such a crucial thing to learn at all times during your life, but especially during your youth. and something to understand is that sometimes, protecting your peace comes at the cost of being alone but being alone is peaceful! and not as bad as you might think that it is.

being alone offers an opportunity for self discovery and growth and rest and relaxation and reflection and the list goes ON. being able to enjoy your own company is a SUPER power bcuz it genuinely nourishes you so much.

ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;

you dont have to be codependent on someone else to make yourself happy or to make yourself feel good. what fulfills you and nourishes you isnt the relationships that u have with others. although that is an amazing and fulfilling thing, the most fulfilling thing is learning yourself. being alone REPLENISHES you, its like, hydration for the soul.

dont wait on someone else to do something that you wanna do!! if u dont have anyone to go with, just go on your own. you dont have to wait on others to be happy…💬🎀

PRACTICE BEING ALONE ;

go on solo dates, practice planning to do something fun and just doing it by yourself. once you start doing things alone and you see how nice it feels, you'll want to do it more bcuz its so easy to enjoy your own company, you just have to get over your fear of judgement or of being alone and learn to enjoy and embrace it.

♡ have a spa day

♡ learn to cook a new dish

♡ read a book

♡ have a journalling session

♡ schedule appointments for urself

♡ go on a long drive

SOME BENEFITS OF ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;

♡ u can be urself without filter

♡ less distractions and u give urself time to ponder and look internally

♡ ur in control of ur space and time

♡ u can be creative and imaginative without reference

♡ its peaceful

BEING UR OWN BESTFRIEND ;

treat yourself how you'd treat someone that you valued a lot. be compassionate and understanding and respectful. dont talk badly about yourself and dont be mean to/punish yourself bcuz u wouldn't do that to someone that u loved and cherished…💬🎀

dont abandon yourself in times where life can become stressful. focus on being present and dont forget your worth. your self worth and value doesn’t come from how useful you are to others, your valuable simply because you are you. a human being who is deserving of love. your worth doesnt come from how productive you are or what you’ve achieved, instead your worth is already done and your valuable because of your existence. 

COPING WITHOUT FRIENDS ;

everything is temporary and meaningful relationships will always find their way to you. just understand that some ppl are here temporarily and some ppl are here for a lifetime but only you are here for all of it which is why its important to be alone and be comfy with that.

not everyone is gonna like you or wanna be your friend and thats okay. it has nothing to do with you and is almost always simply because of different personalities and its not personal

brush off rejections bcuz rejection is just redirection. when you dont take everything personally you'll notice how much happier you'll be overall.

know that the meaningful relationships and connections that u crave will come!! no one is here to be alone forever so you'll meet the people who pour into you and you'll meet ppl that u can pour into and you'll be okay!!

overall, enjoying your own company does wonders for your mental and physical health and its a useful skill to learn in general because it brings so much peace from being able to sit with your thoughts…💬🎀

Yes I suffer from APD (angelic personality disorder)

Angela ¦ "05 ¦ Her ¦ Bi ¦ INFP ¦ Artist ¦ Did I say artist?

ABOUT :

Call me Angel / she-her. this is @angelaness — the essence of me in pixels and words.

Currently 19. Black asf. 180cm tall and very proud of it.

artist, muse, menace.

i draw myself so the world never forgets what it lost when it tried to shrink me. self-portraiture is my love letter to existence. yes I'm obsessed with art like it’s religion.

currently: painting w acrylic, cutting up old jeans, passioning my project (coming soon x) and daydreaming about a future lover I already miss.

.a shrine to girlhood that bites back.

.thoughts too tender for main.

LIKES :

graphite-stained hands. old art masters. kpop, krnb, gl + bl (biased, unashamed). vintage cams + handycam diaries. jazz loops in dim rooms. sims 2 aesthetics, messy art desks, cigarette ash in candle jar. pretty men n women who look like heartbreak. dirt, rex rats, glass hearts, and everything chicly broken. fashion that's slashed + stitched with story. solo dates, long showers, secret blogs. the art kids nobody gets but everybody wants to be. baking. pinterest + spotify combo. stray kids. ive. red velvet. DPR IAN.

DISLIKES :

✧ art theft ✧. nosy people who don’t listen. when people make me explain the magic. over-filtered lives + over-sanitized thoughts. “why don’t you smile more?”/“i don't like what you're wearing”. boys who think height intimidates me; babe, i love towering over you. always. Subconscious bigotry. when 2+ ppl are talking to me/trying to get my attention at the same time irl 💔. bad handwritting. weaponized incompetence.

DNI (DO NOT INTERACT) :

racist, ableist, queerphobic, transphobic, fatphobic, misogynistic, islamaphobic etc (obviously). if you mock kids, art, or dreams. fetishizers (i see you. i block you.). anti-oc / anti-self ship / anti-whimsy. cops + copycats. no age-inappropriate behavior. keep it classy or keep it gone.

BOUNDARIES :

i am not your therapist, your savior, or your fetish. you can trauma dump but plz provide/tell me b4 hand a warning for graphic details. don’t repost or edit my art. ask before using, actually don't use my art for ANYTHING. respect my silence. you can flirt, but know your place. don't be a dumb keyboard warrior spreading hate on my blog, you're just a fictional thing in my phone and i bite back. not gently. usually.

if you stay, stay sweet.

stay strange. stay whimsy.

stay #angelaness.

if you vibed, reblog. if you didnt, scroll. (leave a like blessing tho)

Someone force me to study Arabiccc 😭

Today's lunch was lentils and rice, made myself an avocado milkshake with my own twist. I added avocado, milk, sugar, coffee, crushed chia seeds, moringa power, and the most stupid but addictive addition was cerelac 😭

Did nothing much today except spend an hour cooking and looking at my wip art piece.

090425

Lol I'm so sick I need to be locked up in a psych ward, or at least a therapist that can NOT be freaked to send me to one and will actually listen and heal me.

Catsss

PLS TAKE A LOOK THIS HAD MUCH MORE USEFUL INFO INSTEAD OF FIRST POST I'M BEGGING 😭 (I appreciate the likes btw)

So you're new to this ?

Hey there, doll. Welcome to the wildest ride of high school. If I could go back in time, here's the advice I'd give lil me – the ultimate guide to crushing sophomore year and making it look effortless ! (I think)

Oh this can apply if you're just a new student, or after a break starting a new term or wtv idk !

1. Uniform vs. Home Clothes Chic:

- Whether you're rocking a uniform or strutting in your own home fits, confidence is the key.

>For uniforms, play with accessories ! – a killer watch, cool socks, or a personalized pin for your clothes or hair. Be sure to iron your uniform, I promise it'll elevate your look !

>Home clothes? Find a signature style – be it graphic tees, funky jeans, classic leather jacket, pink pilates princess vibes or athleisure vibes. You do you, and let your uniqueness shine.

- For the schools that do both try to plan carefully when you get the chance to wear home clothes and give your alllllllll; my school had us wear school uniform from Monday to Wednesday, then on Thursdays we get to wear home fits then Friday school tracksuits and on wknds boarders were permitted to wear home fits (the school was so mfing stingy just for those 3 days smh 🙄) and best believe we took advantage of our creativity 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾.

2. Study Smart, Not Hard:

- Let's talk about one study method !!!

Ever tried the Feynman Technique? Teach what you're learning in simple terms, as if explaining it to someone else who's having difficulty understanding or to a younger much annoyingly curious version of yourself :D. Like think to yourself 'how would I explain this to a 10 year old ?'.

This exposes gaps in your understanding and helps you grasp concepts more deeply. It's like being the professor of your own academic empire. Ouh fancy right, I know.

If you're not sure on how to go about it you can ask Chatgpt to explain as if you're 10, here Chatgpt demonstrates by talking about Quantum entanglement;

God I just love that 😌 Aye now don't go to Chatgpt everytime you need something Feynman-ied, it's important to try to practice this and train yourself, don't be so reliant ok :) ?

3. Extracurricular Juggling Act:

- Extracurriculars are the spice of high school life.

The key is balance. Pick activities aligned with your passions. If you're into sports, make sure it complements your academic schedule. Remember, you're crafting a well-rounded high school story, not a chaotic drama.

This adds to your credits, imagine how easy if would be for you to get you uni with all these great stuff on your record. A plus if you get ok to good grades as it shows that not only did you do well but you were active in other stuff. Good impressions go bbbrrr 📈📈📈

I wish I had a friend that pushed me to go for extracurriculars, my record looks so stale except for the usual, nothing fancy to add. Take this as a sign to sign up for the stuff right up your alley !

4. Note-Taking Magic:

- Your notes are your secret weapon.

Try the Cornell Method – divide your page into two sections, one for main notes and the other for summarizing. After class, jot down questions based on your notes; it's like creating your personalized study guide. Like so :

5. Decoding The Testing Maze:

- When it comes to studying for tests, don't just memorize; understand.

The SQ3R method is your ally – Survey, Question, Read, Recite, Review. It turns passive reading into an active engagement with the material. Ahhh good stuff !

Remember our talk of quantum entanglement, well, I'll try to demonstrate the SQ3R method if you're studying Q.E

Example Question:

Explain the concept of quantum entanglement and how it manifests between two particles. Provide an example scenario to illustrate your understanding.

SQ3R Breakdown:

Survey:

- Glance over the entire question. Identify key terms: "quantum entanglement," "manifestation," and "example scenario." This gives you a roadmap for what to look for in the material.

Question:

- Formulate specific questions based on the content:

- What is the fundamental concept of quantum entanglement?

- How does entanglement occur between two particles?

- Can you provide a real-world scenario to illustrate this?

Read:

- Dive into your physics materials. Focus on sections explaining quantum entanglement, the mechanics of entanglement between particles, and any examples or scenarios provided.

Recite:

- Close your book and explain what you've learned:

- Quantum entanglement is a phenomenon where particles become interconnected, with changes in one particle affecting the other.

- Entanglement occurs through a process called quantum superposition, where particles exist in multiple states simultaneously.

- Example scenario: Imagine two entangled electrons. If one electron's spin is measured and found to be "up," the other electron's spin will instantly be determined as "up," regardless of distance.

---Quantum entanglement is a phenomenon where two or more particles become interconnected, regardless of the distance between them. This entanglement influences their properties, meaning the state of one particle instantly affects the state of the other. For example, if we have two entangled electrons, measuring the spin of one electron will instantaneously determine the spin of the other, even if they are light-years apart. This interconnectedness challenges our classical understanding of particle behavior, introducing a fascinating aspect of quantum physics.

Review:

- Go back over your notes, ensuring you've covered the fundamental concept, mechanics, and the example scenario. Check your understanding of terms like quantum superposition and the implications of measurements on entangled particles.

Applying SQ3R helps break down complex questions, ensuring a solid grasp of wtv question/topic you plan to study.

6. Time Management Mastery:

- Mastering time is mastering high school.

Ever heard of the Eisenhower Matrix? It categorizes tasks into urgent and important, helping you prioritize efficiently.

1. Urgent and Important (Do First):

- Example: Your final exams are in two days, and you haven't started studying. This is urgent and important, requiring immediate attention to ensure academic success. Drop everything else and hit the books.

2. Important, Not Urgent (Schedule):

- Example: You've been thinking about starting a blog to share your art and connect with other creative minds. While it's important for personal growth, it's not urgent. Schedule specific times during the week to work on your blog and gradually turn this passion project into a reality.

3. Urgent, Not Important (Delegate):

- Example: Your friend needs help choosing an outfit for an event tonight, and you're in the middle of studying for a crucial test. It's urgent for your friend, but not as important for your academic success. Politely delegate the task to another friend who has a bit more time.

4. Not Urgent and Not Important (Eliminate)

- Example: Spending hours scrolling through social media, binge-watching TV shows, or playing video games without any specific purpose. While these activities might be entertaining, they don't contribute significantly to your personal or academic growth. Consider eliminating or reducing the time spent on these non-productive tasks.

Using the Eisenhower Matrix in daily decision-making helps maintain focus on priorities and ensures that time is allocated effectively, especially for a student juggling school, social life, and personal interests!

7. The Success Mindset:

- Approach challenges with a growth mindset. View setbacks as stepping stones to success. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small, and cultivate resilience. Remember, every stumble is a chance to dance better in the next act of your school journey.

Now, let's dip into the classic realms of friendship and crushes, because at this point you should already know the gist of things. Building genuine connections is like painting your own social masterpiece. Be yourself, laugh often, and approach crushes (and potential friends) with authenticity don't try to change who you are !!!

Confidence, respect, and kindness go a long way. You're not just a sophomore; you're a role model in the making if you try hard enough. Strut through those halls with purpose and make every moment count!

And for those silly cliques, be sure to get in the right ones. The ones that morph you to the bad and influence you to hate yourself or others, ignore them, they're so not worth your time and they're soooo yesterday, and we are living for now and the future .

Keep shining doll !

xoxo signing off,

Angela ꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡

ps: oh em gee, thanks alot for 360+ likes on my first post, that was really quick it caught me off guard lol, thanks alotttttttt mwahhhh xx

290425

Woke up with a bad start but sleeping with a good ending tonight. Here's a 1min vid I just finished editing; the snacks were yummerz regardless.

Please ignore the split second in the intro when the frame wasn't showing.

what was it all for? 110225

I had a conversation with my aunt today. University came up. And for the first time in years, she said, “You should do what you love. I don’t want you to do something just because other people tell you to. It’s your life.”

And I just sat there. Because what the fuck?

Where was this energy when you told me art is just a hobby? When you told me I had to do architecture because money? When I spent years convincing myself that the thing I loved most in this world wasn’t real enough, wasn’t valuable enough to be my future?

Where was this when I forced myself through physics and math, subjects that drained me, killed my confidence, made me feel stupid and small? Where was this when I spent night after night feeling like a failure because I couldn’t mold myself into what you wanted?

And now, after all that, you’re suddenly saying, “Yeah, do what you love.” Like I didn’t just lose years of my life trying to be something I’m not. Like I didn’t break myself over and over again trying to meet your expectations.

And the worst part? I don’t even think she realizes how much this is fucking me up. How much I hate that she can just say that now, like it’s easy, like it doesn’t matter that I wasted years of my life because I thought I had no choice.

It’s like someone keeping you in a cage your whole life, telling you there’s no way out, telling you it’s for your own good. And then one day, they just open the door and go, “Oh, you can leave if you want.” And you’re standing there, shaking, realizing you could’ve walked out a long time ago.

And now I’m supposed to feel grateful? Relieved?

I don’t. I feel angry. I feel lost. I feel like I want to cry and scream and tear my own skin off because what was it all for?

I could’ve taken art in Year 12. I could’ve gotten A*s. I could’ve been confident in my skills instead of scrambling to prove to myself that I’m not a fucking idiot. I could’ve spent those years thriving instead of suffering.

But no. I had to do physics. I had to do math. I had to sit in classrooms where nothing made sense and watch my grades drop and feel like I was slowly disappearing.

And now you tell me it’s okay, I can do art? NOW?

And what if I do? What if I actually go ahead with it? Is she secretly going to sit there thinking, damn, she should’ve done architecture? Will she be supportive on the surface but secretly waiting for me to fail? To regret it?

Because that’s the thing with African guardians. You never really know what they’re thinking. They’ll say one thing but mean something else. They’ll act like they support you, but in their head, they’re already preparing for the “I told you so.”

And maybe that’s what scares me the most. That no matter what I do, I’ll always feel like I’m on the verge of disappointing them.

I hate this. I hate that I even have to feel this way. I hate that the thing that makes me happiest in the world is the thing that feels like the biggest risk. I hate that I’m still here, questioning myself, wondering if I’m making a mistake just because they made me believe it was one for so long.

And I can’t help but think… if I had been allowed to just be myself from the start, if I had been supported instead of redirected, maybe none of this would even be a question.

apologise for the vent, for souring your scroll, but I feel like I'm at my limit, this has tangled up my brain, and as scary as it sounds I feel hopeless, pointless, I don't fucking know, I don't want to think any more. Fuck.