Caleb And Essek Discuss Children, Of All Things.

yes. YES.

300 years in the future and Essek has met and decided to watch over a group of young adventurers. Said group is hired to takedown a cult of ritualistic cannibals.

Young Adventurer 1: "Okay, everyone knows the plan right? Eating people is so messed up we have to stop these monsters as soon as possible."

Essek: "Agreed, and they are so uncouth in their methods. To eat right off the bone, have they no manners?"

Young Adventurer 2: "Manners? I don't think that's the issue to be focusing on."

Young Adventurer 1: "...Wait...Have...Have you eaten someone before?"

Essek: "My goodness NO! I have not EATEN anyone... I may have-ᵈʳᵃⁿᵏ ᵃ ᶠᵉʷ."

Young Adventurer 3: "DRANK??! ARE YOU VAMPIRE?!!?"

Essek: "NO! It wasnt like that, one of my family would make this tea that- LOOK it was this whole thing with tea and naked hot tubs and weasels-"

Young Adventurer 2: "Is this a setup?? Are you PART of this cult we're about to walk in on??"

Essek: "NO-!

Young Adventurer 1: "Are you sure because what you just described sounds like weird cult ritual shit."

Essek: *holds up a blue pouch with an embrodered dick and cupcake on it*

"Well if you are going to be RUDE then you will not be allowed to drink my sister tonight!"

Young Adventurer 3: "Dude WHAT?!"

Caleb being the Gordon Ramsey of the Soltryce Academy, where he is very soft and gentle with his younger students who are just starting out, but getting into knock down drag out fights with other professors and older students over obscure details and ethical quandaries.

Jester’s pride

So many discussions about old man Caleb ! I had to turn it into this WWDITS meme.

@flappingduster-scribbles ‘s shadowgast baby is in here, as well as mine.

Look at this !!!! This is amazing !!! Op wrote a great one shot about my silly little post !!

The Terribly Sad and Tragic Affair that Is the Fake Funeral of Shadowhand Essek Thelyss

Apparently, I am not only drawing for the Critical Role fandom, but writing for it, too. After months of nearly no progress I just vomited out 3k words this Tuesday and it only went downhill from there.

This fic is based on this post by @anne-o-nyme, I really hope I managed to capture the energy of it.

Have fun!

Summary: There were eight strangers in the foyer of his dead brother’s towers and Verin Thelyss was slowly losing his patience.

After the sudden “death” of Shadowhand Essek Thelyss, it is his brother Verin’s job to empty out his towers. The Mighty Nein show up to help (and maybe steal a few things).

OR: Verin is grieving, Essek just wants his stuff back, and the Mighty Nein are the Mighty Nein.

Warnings: I didn’t tag this with MCD, because Essek is technically alive and kicking. Since Verin doesn’t know that though, and this fic is written from his POV, this is dealing with grief and includes depictions of depressive thoughts as well as anxiety attacks. For more explicit warnings, please mind the tags on AO3. Take care of yourselves, and let me know if I forgot anything.

Read on AO3

There were eight strangers in the foyer of his dead brother’s towers and Verin Thelyss was slowly losing his patience. “Listen,” he said with what little calm he had left, “I know that by returning one of our beacons you became heroes of the Dynasty and were placed under Es— My bro— his stewardship. But this here—” he gestured vaguely at the interior of Essek’s towers that had always been too cold, too empty, but not like now, never like now— “This is a very difficult situation for me, so if you could please leave, that would be greatly appreciated.”

Afficher davantage

During Bring Your Champion to Work Day

Pelor: This is Vex’ahlia. She and her friends came to my domain looking for my blessing to aid in the defeat of Vecna. I put her through trial to prove she was worthy, which she did.

Raven Queen: This is Vax’ildan. He offered his life for his sister’s during her resurrection in the tomb of my previous champion, and I agreed.

Luxon: A set!   :D 

Pelor: Yes. And, uh…yours?

Luxon: Oh. this is Essek!

Essek: *desperately trying to claw his way out of the Luxon’s grasp like a kitten that DOES NOT want to be picked up*

Luxon: I just thought he was neat.  :)

I love this idea so much !! If I may add my own take on it, I believe Essek’s and the Luxon’s relationship is basically something like

Part of me is in love with the idea of Essek somehow in the future reassembling the pieces of the Luxon, and then being followed around by the God equivalent of a 13 year-old who thinks he’s (Essek) the greatest thing ever.

Essek would hate it. The Dynasty would hate it. The Assembly would hate it.

It would be great.

I cannot stop thinking about @foxqueen-katarian ‘s amazing AU, where Essek is the Luxon’s champion, who somehow got a physical child-like body and keeps following him around like a little duckling.

I guess they just floats around, shining like a cosmic diamond, and live their best life (?)

You can find more about it in this thread : 

https://anne-o-nyme.tumblr.com/post/663251925576368128/part-of-me-is-in-love-with-the-idea-of-essek

related to this post, where the Mighty Nein organise Essek’s fake funerals 

https://anne-o-nyme.tumblr.com/post/659298258508726272/anne-o-nyme-i-dont-know-if-anyone-else-had

The Funeral

Essek’s death had to be believable. It was paramount to his ability to remain connected to the Mighty Nein (even if disguises would be necessary) for he did not wish to put them in continued danger with his presence but they were at risk as long as the Dynasty’s gaze remained fixed on hunting him down. So it was that the Mighty Nein were soon happily planning a great scheme of theatrics, sending messages back and forth, and ultimately coming together in the Blooming Grove for a family meeting on the matter. Kingsley had stalwartly refused to support the usurping of his position as “handsome, ‘you should be dead’ purple man” of the group so he remained upon the Nein Heroez, getting further acquainted with crew. Jester was drawing out plans while the others offered their contributions.  

“Should we throw him a funeral too?” Yasha asked.

Veth immediately interjected, excited to stir the pot, “Oh I see, so when you thought all of us might be dead, you couldn’t be bothered, but when Essek dies you’re happy to throw a funeral. I get it. I see where we all stand.”

Yasha’s brows knit together in confusion.

“No Veth… I mean you were the one who taught me funerals were important… I thought.”

Veth immediately softened at the gentle giant’s sincerity and placed an arm on her forearm.

“Okay. As long as you’ve learned your lesson.” she said softly to assure Yasha she was not mad but still stalwartly refusing to give up the bit. The rest of the Mighty Nein were holding back laughter.

“You know it’s not a bad idea,” Fjord added “it would make it more believable if we’re seen to be, like, visibly grieving. Do the Kryn have funerals, Essek?” Essek snapped to attention, upon hearing his name. He had been rather distracted admiring the way the breeze was blowing through Caleb’s long, ginger hair. It felt oddly intimate to see someone with their hair flowing free for the wind to play with, no styling whatsoever, but then, Essek supposed that was simply a marker of his upbringing in a culture where no one would ever be willing to appear disheveled in the slightest. He attempted to recall what had been said but it was no use.

“My apologies, what was that?”

Beau rolled her eyes.

“Oh god. He’s absolutely useless lately. Hey! Lovesick weirdo! We are trying to make a plan to save your life so you might want to tune in.” Beau knocked on his head as if checking to make sure it wasn’t hollow. Essek, though his expressive ears seemed to pull back in embarrassment, turned to her with the blankest of expressions, practiced from many years of maintaining composure for the sole purpose of annoying a younger sibling.

“I apologize, I was busy theorizing about what may have happened in the dynasty during my absence and while attempting to unravel the incredibly complex web of political intricacies, I happened to miss what was said.” his scathing tone didn’t have the slightest effect on Beau.

“Yo guys, new nickname for Caleb: political intricacies.”

The Mighty Nein exploded into laughter, chortling at the quip.

Read More on Ao3

Give me more Shadowgast Baby !

Don’t think about Caleb lecturing a hall of students with a tiny baby strapped to his chest, occasionally pausing to adjust them to a more comfortable position.

Don’t think about all the speculation about which of his revolving door of lovers got knocked up (the prevailing theory is the purple Tiefling who disappeared after only a month; the slightly pointed ears, pale hair and lack of horns do nothing to deter this theory).

Don’t think about Caleb tucking his chin and whispering in Zemnian with a awestruck expression, before returning to the lesson at hand.

Don’t think about soft new parent Caleb.