**** I'm Such A Waste Of Human. I Don't Get It. I've Been Fighting This Low, Brought To You By My Worthlessness,

I feel like this person most the time. Alone, moving different than everyone else. I have perspective on everyone, but incapable of joining.

I've been joking, mostly to myself, that I'm a ghost. I don't really exist. When I go there will be no proof I existed, just some people talking about collective hallucinations.

came out swinging - the wonder years

I did something like this fifteen years ago. We forgave each other this year. It was nice to reminisce about the past in a good way. That's extremely rare for me.

by later operator

This has been a rough year, in a rough life. I make light of it, but I really do feel like I'm living my epilogue. The plot threads were taken care of. Life isn't really giving me any new ones. I'm ready to die.

“All love is unrequited.”

— Susan Ivanova

Finally had the other shoe drop. My friends think I'm dramatic when I talk about my history when it comes to romance. I'm not being dramatic I'm just going to die alone.

She went through the reasons she wants to date me but decided on not continuing. By her own words she should be dating me. But won't.

History repeats itself. Day late buck short, story of my life. She really wanted to get into the weeds and try to pad herself because she really likes me and doesn't want me to be hurt. She kept going over a couple of the same point so I had to let her know it's ok.

Awhile back I found a picture of me from forever ago and sent it to her because it's a funny picture. She made comments about if we had met then she would have made sure we dated because I'm her type. I joked that wouldn't have happened and every time she asked why I gave her joke answers.

Fast forward to tonight and her trying to get us on the same page. I reminded her of that conversation and told her the real answer. That it didn't matter when or under what circumstances we met, *this* would have still happened. She understood where I was coming from.

This isn't the first, won't be the last time a girl can and wants to be with me and chooses not to.

My friends joke that I'm a fatalist. It's usually after I make a prediction and it comes horribly true.

I'm going to die alone. I'm going to live alone. And when I die there will be three people that will care. Well, probably two, that third friend doesn't take care of his body very well...

I think one of the big things is that I'm at a point in my life where I'm just waiting to die. There isn't a future for me, not really. Just the same thing every day and then death. Fun.

If someone were you give me a hug. I feel like I'm already a ghost. Live or dead wouldn't really change anything.