This Is So Accurate. I'm Screaming.

RadioRulers Prompt

Lilith x Alastor x Lucifer

Most humans buy a Ferrari or go on a vacation when they enter a mid-life crisis.

Lilith is no longer human and very immortal but she doesn't know how else to label her impulsive decision to befriend the recently deceased feral deer tearing though Pride like tissue paper.

----

Lilith was tired.

Eternity takes a toll. And after countless years singing like a caged bird and keeping spirits high, she had begun to loose her passion. There was only so long she could look past the hopelessness of her surroundings.

And then the Radio Demon arrived.

He wasn't particularly special all things considered. If she wasn't in such a dire mood, if Lucifer wouldn't stop closing himself off from her, if Charlie wasn't going through puberty and making it everyone's problem-

Well, she probably wouldn't have even noticed him.

--

Lilith becomes not quite friends with Alastor and his passion and love for hell reignites her own. Over the decades she finds that she cares for this idiotic sinner more than she ever would have expected.

Her love for Lucifer had been quick and all-consuming. Her love for her daughter had been just as instantaneous. She didn't know how to deal with love that crept up on her like a weed and took decades to bloom.

...Maybe she should take that vacation after all.

--

Prequel to Canon with Lilith and Canon to Season 1 for Lucifer.

Somehow these two jaded biblical lovers come to love this crazy sinner at very different points in time. And he somehow manages to help them become closer to each other and re-learn to love the humanity that had initially doomed them. Here's to hoping the consequences of bringing him into the relationship isn't as damning as theirs was.

In the context of RadioStatic I find the idea of transfemme Vox to be really amusing, because you think Vox is the first good male relationship Alastor has had but NOPE!

SURPRISE FEMME!!!

Neither of them realized it but Alastor’s Gal Pal sensors were kicking off

and she felt so special about it too

Tom absolutely was missing a tooth or two. He's got a punch-able face and definitely annoyed the other orphans.

Going back to the cockney accent though 👀

This child absolutely learned how to fake a semi-convincing upperclassmen accent by people watching. I like to assume he learned to do this before Hogwarts either to make him a more desirable adoption candidate or just to make himself sound more trustworthy.

Speaking of, Tom 100% used his posh-voice on Dumbledore when they first met so he has never heard Tom's cockney accent.

No wonder Dumbledore thinks Tom was just built different. Tom went through an 💕I'm not like other girls💕 phase and never got a wake up call because he was too busy convincincing everyone else that it was true.

Look me in the fucking eye and tell me Tom Riddle had straight teeth as a child

That boy grew up in 1930's London in a muggle orphanage, his chompers had to have been a wreck

It was probably one of the first things he got bullied for, alongside his clothing and surname (because no decent Pureblood child has crooked teeth and in Slytherin there are only decent Pureblood children, honestly, what is Riddle even doing there?) and was almost certainly one of the first things he sought to change in his life using magic

I can just imagine him trying his best to be charming, learning how to smile without showing his teeth, talking without opening his mouth all the way & never letting anyone see him laugh for real bc any time someone catches a glimpse of his teeth it instantly undoes all his hard work bc at the end of the day- no matter how charming or clever he is- he's still just a mudblood gutter rat and his crooked teeth never let him (or anyone else) forget that

Until one summer (I'm thinking before 5th year, so around the time that he murders his relatives) he sneaks away from the orphanage to see a back alley Healer in Knockturn Alley to finally, finally get his teeth fixed (for a fee, of course, but they don't question where the money's from and Tom certainly isn't telling) and that September he strides into the school with the most winning smile money can buy, and suddenly it's over for everyone who once doubted him

With a Horcrux on his finger, noble blood in his veins, and a freshly winning smile, Tom Marvolo Riddle feels nothing like a gutter rat, not anymore

He's the Heir of Slytherin, Greatest of the Hogwarts Four

Okay spoilers for the season finale of Hazbin hotel ahead. You have been warned

Holy fuck. Holy fuck. So much happened but I specifically want to talk about Alastor and his near death experience/ subsequent mental breakdown. The line "Alastor Altruist died for his friends." Made me go absolutely bonkers, that paired with earlier in the episode where he tells Nifty he could almost get used to their company and find it nice while fondly looking out over them. I think he's legitimately starting to get attached, and I think that scares the everloving shit out of him.

Because being attached means weakness. We saw that when wounded Alastor was able to retreat so putting his life on the line probably wasn't part of whatever deal he struck , BUT he did it ANYWAYS to help Charlie and the other hotel inhabitants. He started to put others above himself which ended in himself being hurt and I think thats part of why he had such a visceral reaction, not just the fact that he was hurt in general but because he's struggling with not allowing himself to have a weakness at all costs versus some genuine growing affection. I can not wait to see more. Season 2 can't come soon enough.

danny's the most 'guy who can't leave well enough alone' ever

Retired!Pariah Dark AU

Jazz is having the time of her life psychoanalyzing Danny’s rogues and helping them with their troubles. Eventually she even convinces Clockwork to give Dan a chance at redemption. 

Unfortunalety, Jazz doesn’t know when to quit and decides to try her hand at extending a helping hand to someone everyone else labels a lost cause. 

Pariah Dark. 

And it works! Eventually. Somewhat.

Well he won’t be killing anyone or crushing ghost cores, and that’s about all they can ask for. 

Danny is still the king. But Pariah can now give his successor advice on what not to do. Also Danny sometimes throws paperwork duty at Pariah now that Dan’s parole is over and refuses to do it.

In conclusion, Pariah Dark becomes their new grandpa (Clockwork is obviously the weird grunkle) and he has no idea what he’s done to deserve this torture. 

Inspired by @bywolfstar on Tiktok and the lovely art by @krossan

Some of you may have already realized this, but the title of this AU has two meanings. The first: time travel. The second: destabilization.

Jason, in full Red Hood gear: Hey mom, can I borrow one of those new Thanagarian guns you guys got?

Diana: Sure, sweetie.

The rest of the League:

Bruce: *sighs*

The rest of the League:

The rest of the League:

Hal: wtf

Alastor headcanon

His natural smile (without the stitches) is crooked and kinda dorky.

The stitches that make his smile now are perfectly symmetrical and tightly strung. Showing control and perfection.

But after they come free and he can rest his face naturally, his smile is crooked with smile lines and a scrunched up nose, maybe the occasional dimple.

Imagine if Vaggie and Alastor bond together over their hatred of men.

There'd be a whole funny song about it, only for the final verse to be Alastor saying, "I've always felt like a woman anyway!"

The song would proceed to end due to Vaggie short-circuiting over what Alastor just said.