When You Summon The Devil And He Keeps You Company At Night.

the words "he's indisposed, he just had a baby" is exactly the type of dialogue one can only expect from Doom Patrol and precisely the type of shit that doesn't faze us. your fav show could never

DP x DC Writing Prompt #9

"Are you sure about this?" J'onn asks, reading the discontent amongst the Kents. Clark and Lois each have a hand on their teenage son's shoulders, who several weeks prior was aged ten years old.

"We're sure," Clark says. He is not, nor is his wife. But his son is, who lays his hand on his mother's and squeezes. It is that surety that J'onn honors as he delves into the young (but not as young as he should be) man's mind.

The memories are hard to find but not gone, hidden behind what Jon can only see manifested as a glowing green wall. When he raises a tentative hand, the shield sparks green, but does no harm. Pushing through is like wading through the consistency of jello, which he finds an overall unpleasant experience. But he is unharmed as he passes through.

Before J'onn can sort through the memories he is all but sucked into the one at the forefront, where a Jon most similar in visage to the one recently returned perches on the edge of a building. Beside him lies a burger, partially unwrapped though uneaten, and a small soda.

As the memory builds out a sun sets on a small suburban town, and a muscled thigh knocks into Jon's, an older man with a shock of white hair and eyes the same light and color as the shield formed around these memories appearing. He's tall even sitting, likely about as tall as Superman, and looks to be in his thirties. A full body suit comprised of black and silver accents stretches across broad shoulders, a stylized D on his chest. He knocks his thigh into Jon's again.

"You said I couldn't go back," Jon says quietly.

"I lied," the man says lightly.

"You're lying now," Jon says, glaring at him. "I can hear your heart."

"Nice try, kiddo, I don't have a heart in this form," the man says, reaching a hand out, presumably to ruffle his hair. Jon dodges.

"I know you're lying. You would've told me. You would've helped me get home."

"Jon--"

"You're protecting Clockwork, aren't you?" Jon demands, eyes beginning to burn red. "That old coot decided it wasn't enough to play with you, he had to play with me too."

The man slaps a hand over Jon's eyes. "Breathe, like we practiced," he instructs firmly. Steam rises from where his palm meets Jon's eyes, but if it hurts he shows no indication. "In, 2, 3. Out, 2, 3."

Jon whimpers but heaves a breath, and the burst of red light dies down from between the man's fingers. His hand moves down to Jon's shoulder.

"I can't pretend to understand Clockwork's decisions," the man says, as tears begin to pool in Jon's eyes. "Frankly, I don't want to. I suspect they are hard decisions to make, sometimes."

"I don't get why you defend him," Jon says. "Dumbledore acting bastard."

"Language," the man says, lightly bopping him on the head. J'onn notes the boy actually winces, as if the blow hurts.

"I am upset with him, I hope you know that," the man continues. "But at the end of the day I'm also grateful. Because I got to meet you." He hooks an arm around Jon's shoulders, pulling him in. "And now you'll get to see your family again. And Sally, Arnold, and Damian!"

Jon sniffles, rubbing roughly at his face. He leans into the man's bicep. A trusted adult figure, then. One he's described his life to. A life, J'onn is sad to note, he appears to have lived for the past six years, as opposed to a sudden shift in appearance. Jon's next question all but confirm it: "Can I really go back? It's been so long. They'll be all grown up."

"Hey, of course you can," the man says, rubbing his shoulder. "I'm sure they've missed you so much. They'll be so happy to see you again."

Jon starts to smile. "I'm going home."

"You're going home!" The man laughs, shaking him.

"I can finally eat some decent barbecue again!"

"Hey!" the man protests, "The smoker blew up one time!"

Jon continues, beginning to get excited. "And Ma will make her jalapeño cornbread! I never could get it right, I can't wait for you to try it!"

J'onn notes the older man's smile fading, eyes growing sad.

"And Damian will definitely want to spar and oh, oh! With you on our side we can totally prank Batman! I bet Alfred will even help! And Mom gives the best hugs, Pops comes really close but Mom will be really excited to meet you, everyone will."

"Jon," The man says.

"I knew you'd be worried about it, but they'll want to meet you," Jon says, clocking his expression. "They'll be grateful. You, you helped me. You kept me safe and taught me how to be Superman. They'll love you, I promise."

"Jon, I can't go with you," the man says gently.

"I'm not saying you stay, but you can visit! I'm sure the Justice League can figure out a way to maintain a portal, they're super used to all that multiverse stuff. Once they have the coordinates, you can stop by whenever!"

"I can't go through the portal, Jon," the man says. "To other worlds, I'm a god. And gods can't interfere. The only reason I can continue to live here is because this is the world of my origin."

Jon gapes at him. "But--but,"

"You're going to see your Mom and Dad again," the man says. "And your brother, and grandparents."

"I can come here, then," Jon says desperately, pushing his way out of the man's arms. The man is already shaking his head. "I can!"

"You can't."

"Why, because Clockwork says so? He's a liar!"

"Because multiverse travel is never a good idea. If you got trapped here again--"

"I wouldn't,"

"You belong with your family,"

"You're my family!" Jon cries. The man freezes. "You, and Sam, and Jazz, and Tucker and Val and Ellie and Pops and Mads, you're all my family! I can't just leave you, I won't!"

"Oh kiddo," The man says, eyes wet. "I love you too. We all do."

"So I'll stay," Jon says decisively. "For all we know my world is a wasteland. Gramps wasn't exactly right in the head when I left. It's better to stay here."

J'onn notes a green vine unwinding from a nearby trellis. It slides down the eave towards the pair.

"You don't mean that," the man is saying.

"I'm sixteen. I can make my own decisions. I'm staying."

The man cups Jon's face. "Your parents did not have a choice in losing you. I'm willing to bet they're devastated. Because I'd be devastated, losing a kid as great as you."

"Maybe they're not even there," Jon says, but the words are half-hearted, and it clearly hurts him to say them.

"I know I seem like a pushover, but if I thought Clockwork was sending you back to anything less than your loving family, I'd destroy him first. And he knows that. They're going to be there, I promise."

"I don't want to go," Jon says. Behind him, the vine rises from the eave of its own will, poised like a cobra enchanted by a snark charmer.

"I know," the man says, eyes drifting to the vine. "I'm so sorry, Jon."

"For what?" Jon asks, as the vine attaches itself to the nape of his neck. His eyes roll back as he collapses into the man's arms. The man hugs him tighter than is strictly necessary.

J'onn expects the memory to now end, alongside Jon's consciousness. To his curiosity, it does not.

"For what it's worth," a young woman spits bitterly, vines supporting her weight as she slips over the side of the roof. "I still think this is horrible." Her eyes are red and miserable.

"Seriously, team punching Dumbledore in the face," A young black man says, appearing in the air supported by a woman almost identical in appearance to the man holding Jon, down to the suit colors. They land on the rooftop.

"Are you sure about this," the dark haired woman with powers over plants asks. "Because to be honest, Danny, I'm five seconds away from punching you in the face."

"Jazz won't speak to you for months," the girl, likely his sister, points out.

"Make it a year," the man says, crossing his arms.

The man, Danny, ignores them all. He cards a hand through Jon's hair. "He'll retain the experience, but not the memories?"

"Yes, he'll be a perfect little superhero, just as you taught him," the woman says, vines twisting agitatedly around her, wrapping around her thigh, wrists and neck almost punishingly.

"Sam," the man says. "He needs to go home. All of you know that."

"He doesn't have to forget us to do so!" the sister bursts, eyes flashing green.

"Remembering would be a torment," Danny says. "He'll know he was loved. That's enough."

"Danny," the plant woman says, sitting beside them both. She puts a gentle hand on his, both on Jon's back. "This is just a different torment."

"And if someone finds out?" Danny asks. He has been patient amidst their scorn, but now a tiny edge ekes into his voice. "A god's child, unprotected? Threatened? He would never stop looking for a way back, and being vocal about it could get him killed."

The others are silent.

"He'll be home. He'll be happy," Danny says. More powerful than a prayer. A directive. He raises his head past the child slumbering in his lap, past them all, face hardening, and says to J'onn: "And you will say nothing."

J'onn takes a step back, fear so thick he could choke on it flooding his very being. Thismanwillkillhim, thismanwillkillhim.

This man will reach through dimensions and kill him.

"Now, get the fuck out of my kid's head," Danny snarls. J'onn is pushed back with enough force he enters his own mind in a vicious whirl that leaves him physically on the floor, gasping.

"I'm sorry," he says as Superman rushes to lift him, and he's not sure who he's apologizing to. Green eyes will pierce his dreams. Vines will crush his throat in his nightmares, screaming silence, silence.

You will say nothing.

"I'm sorry," J'onn says, politely pushing Clark's hands away as he rises. He's already beginning to calm, because he understands. Those are consequences he will not face. He will do as directed. He looks at Jon Kent, bewildered but unharmed, clutching his mother's hand.

J'onn reaches down and dusts at his pants. "I'm sorry," he says evenly, ready to spin his tale. Perhaps the Kents will continue to seek their answers. Perhaps not. He will stay out of it either way. He has been warned.

You were loved by gods. And to keep you safe, they would quiet us all.

t4t radiostatic. No one is safe from my projections.

(CW: gender dysphoria, internalised transphobia)

gonna miss this show

Random Deer Little Doe AU Stuff

Lilith: This is my husband, Lucifer Lucifer: And this is my wife Lilith Both: And this is our husband Alastor! *Camera pans out to an annoyed but flustered looking Alastor* Alastor: For the last time your majesties, I am not your husband. *Alastor super messily ripping some angels limb then drinking their blood like a wild animal* Lilith + Lucifer: Oh wow, I hope this doesn't awaken anything in me Lilith: Me and Luci have been trying to ask this demon out Lucifer: We've been dropping them the most obvious hints for dozens of years now. No response. Alastor: They just sound stupid. Lilith: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just... dense. Alastor: Maybe you two need to be more obvious? Perhaps, oh I don’t know… maybe say something like “Hey! I love you!” Lucifer: I guess you’re right. Hey Alastor, Me and Lilith both love you. Alastor: See! Just say that! Lucifer: (Un)Holy fucking shit. Alastor: If that flies over their head then, sorry your highnesses, but they are too dumb for you both. Lilith: Alastor. Luci and Lilith, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often? Alastor, confused: I mean, you told me to stay and work here, in your home, so yes. Lucifer: If I say I love you, will you say it back to me dear? Lilith: Of course, Luci. Lucifer: I love you. Lilith: It back. *Later* Alastor: Why is Lucifer crying face-down on the floor while cuddling his rubberducks? Alastor: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed. Lilith: Lilith: I'm going to tell him. Lucifer: Please don't. Lilith: I really like Eminem. Lucifer: I prefer skittles. Alastor: She's talking about the rapper. Lucifer: Why would they eat the wrapper? Kid Charlie: I wish you were my official parent Al. Alastor: I'm truly honored to hear that, princess. But unfortunately that request seems impossible. Kid Charlie: Oh! You should marry my mom and dad so that you can officially be my other parent! Alastor: That's a splendid ide- wait what.

Lucifer: Here we are at the toy store my little star! Now go and pick a present!! *Two hours later* Lucifer: Well? Has anything caught your eye yet char-char? Kid Charlie: Dad!! I want that one. *points* Lucifer: Kid Charlie: Lucifer: For the last time, you can't pick Alastor.

Trans Fem Alastor AU

"So are ALL of your friends woman?"

Alastor looks up from his book and tilted his head at Angel, briefly dislodging Nifty who was crafting him a new King Roach 2.0 crown.

"Whatever do you mean my good fellow? Husker's right behind you!"

Husk scowled and pointedly flipped him off while drinking straight from a bottle of vodka.

Angel patted his paw and took the bottle away with his other hand. "I mean a guy you don't have on your pay role."

Alastor hummed, "Woman are much better conversation partners. Witty, charming, and full of pizazz! Men just can't compare."

Vaggie poked her head into the room, and hearing this, grunted in agreement, "For once, can't say I disagree with you."

Angel exaggeratedly placed his hand over his heart and gasped like he'd been betrayed.

Lucifer was a bit suspicious, "You know, that sounds like something you'd say to describe yourself."

Nifty finished the crown and bestowed it upon Alastor with a flourish and a bow. He gave Lucifer a mocking smile, "I'm flattered you think so, I'd only be so fortunate."

Angel stopped antagonizing Vaggie and jokingly said, "to be a woman?"

Alastor laughed, this time like Angel had said something absurdly obvious, "Well yes, wouldn't everyone?"

Trans man Alastor who has never really worried about the possibility of getting pregnant bc a) very low interest in sexual activity in general, b) extremely minuscule pool of people he'd let touch him that way, and c) sinners aren't supposed to be able to procreate. What he and Lucifer don't know, the first time they fall in bed together, is that Lucifer, being an angel, can bypass the whole 'sinners can't have children' thing. That's how Charlie was born from Lilith, after all.

This results in a huge shit storm with the Vs trying to take advantage of Alastor's more vulnerable state, Heaven freaking out about Lucifer creating more angelic spawn in hell and potentially making demonkind even more powerful, and Alastor trying to strangle Lucifer once the test comes back positive.

👀

AppleRadio hires IMP to get gifts for Charlie

Charlie's knowledge of Earth began and ended in Eden. After living in Hell her whole life, she couldn't even comprehend a world where humans did not kill and maim each other out in the open.

Sinners often discarded their morality, because if you were in Hell -you'd already hit rock-bottom. She wants to remind sinners of their humanity and give them a bit of Earth in Hell.

But she wouldn't even know where to begin, what to bring to Hell, how to avoid being burned at the stake- (did humans still do that??)

Luckily her dad and hotelier separately overheard her frustrations and discovered IMP.

Lucifer comes up with a quick ew sinner disguise and heads on down to hire them to bring back Earth stuff. Everything goes well, but the trouble arrives when he goes to pick up the stuff IMP had brought back.

Alastor had stopped by and requested the same thing, so Blitzo decided to kill 2 sinners with 1 trip and have them come pick up their shit at the same time.

--

Lucifer strolls into IMP's office with his very bad sinner disguise in place like he hadn't spent the last 3 days in his workshop with no sleep. And then stops in his tracks once he actually sees him. Fucking Alastor.

"What are you doing here?"

"Why it seems we both had the very same idea for our darling daughter!"

"First off, MY daughter! Second of all-"

IMP watches this thinking they're a divorced couple with a daughter who really hate each other.

They eventually leave get kicked out with their merchandise and present their spoils to Charlie.

She loves it. And maybe could they pretty please find this one other thing a resident missed on Earth-Oh! Actually, Baxter wanted to test Earth materials against Hells could they maybe-?

They each leave for IMP with 2 very long lists.

Combat-Fashionista Paulina AU

Paulina is horrified by the ugliness of patented Fenton wearable combat technology like the Specter Deflecter and Fenton Peeler. (Fenton Lipstick is okay though). So she decides to design something just as efficient in combat but with style. 

Paulina moves to Gotham to get sponsors and test out her new combat fashion line. Her first shop is set up in Crime Alley.

For maximum amounts of hilarity, imagine her in the same AU as GCPD!Dash and Science Teacher!Fenton. 

Tom Riddle & His Name

Alright this one’s going to get disturbing very quickly. WARNING: Pureblood inbreeding shenanigans. 

This isn’t going to be another post explaining why Tom hated his name because it’s a muggle name or because it’s common. I think that’s part of it, but I haven’t seen anyway address this angle:

Tom hated his name because of his mother. 

Alright, so at some point someone in Hogwarts likely tried to slip Tom a love potion. Let’s say, in his Seventh year. It doesn’t work, Dumbledore finds out and mentions this one study about how those conceived under a love potion are immune to its effects...and also incapable of love. (I think that last part is bs but that’s a different post). 

In his last year at Hogwarts, Tom is already aware that his mother was a witch and his father was the muggle. He’s already pinned the blame on his father for leaving, and placed his mother into the role of victim. He saw his father as having the power, and his mother as being weak. His father, the strong Slytherin-like Muggle who conned the weak witch Merope into sleeping with him. 

But this changes things. 

All of a sudden his mother is the one in the role of the abuser, and his father in the role of victim. It’s his Slytherin, Pureblood Mother who forced his oblivious Muggle Father into marrying her. 

She kidnapped and raped Tom’s father, and then when he escaped, and Tom was born, she named her son after her victim. 

And what were her first, and last, words for her son? She hoped, “that her son would turn out to look like his father.” 

Alright here’s where shit gets real.

What were the Gaunt’s known for again? Rampant and extreme inbreeding and incest. Cousins marrying cousins, sisters marrying brothers, etc. 

So mothers marrying sons? I do not find that hard to believe for this family.

When you replace “father” with “victim” the ickiness really shines through. So here’s Merope giving her child the name of her victim (and her father, who abused her, now those implications I like even less, if that’s possible) and the first thing she does is express a wish that he’ll look like her victim. What the Fuck.

So here’s the very real possibility that Merope could be thinking about grooming her small child into becoming her replacement Tom Riddle 2.0 husband, or at the very least a Tom Riddle that was dependent on her, had no other choice but to love her, and could not run away because there was nowhere to run. 

Tom probably pieced this together, promptly threw up, and very aggressively doubled down on his new chosen name.  

 TL:DR

canon Merope Gaunt would not have been a good mother, no matter what Dumbledore believed, and Tom dodged a bullet on that front.