i love when tragedies are like “the love was there. it didnt change anything. it didnt save anyone. there were just too many forces against it. but it still matters that the love was there”
im laughing so hard because no matter what song you listen to
spiderman dances to the beat
no matter what song ive been testing it and lauing my ass off for an hour
trying to prove something to my dad
I will never ever get over the fact that Dazai let himself get captured by the Port Mafia on purpose. Facing the consequence to see people again who he knows won’t welcome him with a hug on purpose. Letting himself get chained up in their torture chamber on purpose. Getting punched by his former subordinate on purpose. Mocking said former subordinate with his new subordinate, which leads to yet another punch in the face on purpose. Meeting his old partner who threatens, punches and fights him on purpose. And then that trashcan-man says with blood dripping from his mouth, a knife and a hand against his throat that he did all of this “mostly for Atsushi-kun”.
Talk about devotion, man.
Atsushi getting phantom pain from injuries that no longer exist.
Because Atsushi's ability has allowed him to survive, but never has it let him heal.
He's woken up and screamed grasping what should be a stump but is his leg.
He knows where every single scar should be. He's felt every stab, every burn even if only one actual scar remains.
Atsushi's foot hurts and he can feel the cool metal of the hammer in his hand like it's mocking him.
It's worse after Shibusawa, Atsushi can feel electricity dance across his skin and chokes back a sob. It's like he's burning from the inside out but he just smiles.
Atsushi who's asked what hurts and he just laughs because it's everywhere, all the time.
Because the mental ghosts of his past won't leave Atsushi alone, so why would the physical ones?
The collective anxiety spike and panic we get takes a while to go down. We must comfort our brethren through the after shocks.
Every time AO3 starts trending on Tumblr and it’s NOT down I always get worried. Like what do you mean it’s not down??? What are we all doing here, then?
Reblog if its ok to spam you with boops
AHSIDOSUGA I GOT MY WIG FOR MY DAZAI COSPLAY BUT I FORGOT I HAVE LITTERALLY NOTHING TO STYLE IT WITH YALL IM DYING RN
reblog if you’ve read fanfictions that are more professional, better written than some actual novels. I’m trying to see something
I like to think that Chuuya understands why Dazai left and wasn't all that mad about it at first.
I think the hurt of being left built up over the four years. I think the first week or so Chuuya was like "Yeah? Well good for him I guess, better be quieter around now" and then he turns to tell Dazai something on a mission and he's not there. Of course he shrugs it off, no big deal he just need s a brief adjustment period. Shouldn't take long I mean how much can one person really affect your life?
And then he finds himself looking for Dazai to ask the name of the musical that has that one song. It got stuck in his head. Again. And it's annoying him and he makes it all the way to his living room before remembering Dazai's not there.
And then he sees the lump of Dazai's clothes on the couch and goes to tell him to at least put it away and he opens his mouth before remembers.
And then he makes food and when he's setting up his plate he notices he made enough for two. He won't admit it but he's not sure if that shit will remember to feed himself.
And then he's still buying the shampoo and conditioner Dazai likes. Not Chuuya's problem anymore, he thinks as he puts them away. Better to stalk up in case it's needed later.
And then he's still leaving Dazai's favorite blanket on the couch, he's still keeping bandages in his bathroom, still driving by the river to make sure there aren't any limbs sticking out, still watching the movies Dazai showed him and he wouldn't tell anyone but Dazai being gone affected everything and he's happy for him- really but if he ever sees him again he better have been just as fucked up.
And then he sees Dazai again, four years later on the day he came back from a mission. And he looks. Fine. Better than his Mafia days, better than when he was with Chuuya. Lucky him.
-E
BSD and ISAT brain rotting rn multishipper :P @astralspensreblogs if you wanna see the random stuff I like
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