Okay Y’all I Have A ✨thought✨

Kall's Valentine

I am so sorry.

Tonight is gonna be the Loneliest...

Happy Valentine's Day.

Now that you got this far you can go back from the start with another feeling... Closing Valentine's Day posts with tears, so glad I can share the angst with you all. And the perfect song for it too. 💙

JACKPOT SAD / grayscale below cut

A world wide dragon hug.

I often wish I were never here to see

In the light I see suffering in darkness void

Created to observe lost watching them unfree

Hearing only screaming and crying so annoyed

Endless wishes for a desired free body problem

Small to be loved to be someone no one knows

But in times of strife and seeing life's drum

Longingness for power size and divinity grows

Liberation for the worlds people asunder

Union in heavens eternally glowing bright

I love you all I through all darkness and umber

Blazing flames ahold in my heart pains blight

Wings wrap around the horrible globe our birth

A Draconian embrace of the suffering earth

true queer pain

Can we talk about how in Mizukis cards, the closer it is to Mizu5, the stronger the blue in the cards get symbolizing how as time went on Mizuki was struggling more and more about hiding her identity from her closest friends so the cracks or blue starting showing more and more until you reach the mizu5 event and her trained card is all blue with no hints of pink at all because now she can't hide herself anymore yet afterwards in Ena5 her card is full and bursting with pink and now her cards are finding a closer balance between the colors to represent how after Ena5 shes learning to love and accept herself fully as a trans girl and isnt running from it anymore or are we just gonna not talk about that

Tell my why I was taking some bsd kin quizzes and on the first one I got Nikolai and the second I got oda???? THOSE ARE LIKE COMPLETE OPPOSITES YOU GUYS WDYM IM SITTING THERE AS BOTH

A Wish Breathed Into You

AU where Siffrin is the Savior after The King froze Vauguarde.

[Siffrin & Odile] [Alternate Universe, Second Person POV, Siffrin POV]

Follow up fic: Trust The Rogue To Lead You

You remember Vaugarde. Your earliest memory was wandering the shores, alone and confused, the kind hands of strangers reaching out to you and the odd twist of their words calming your upset mind. It was a kind place. A welcoming place. You had loved it and left it, because you were afraid that if you planted your feet too hard, you would wake up once more without any memories, history, a name…

You never wanted to lose another home, so you had refused to make one. You moved on to Poteria. And Andira. And any other place that you could think of, too afraid to stop and risk losing everything.

But while you ran from Vaugarde, afraid to lose it, someone else has moved in. They had planted their roots, refusing to move or to let anything else move around them. They had chosen to preserve their memories in the only way they knew how, making themselves into a gravemarker and taking Vaugarde with them to the grave.

You'd been halfway around the world at the time. There was nothing that you could have done. Nothing that anyone could have done, you assume, because no one did it. No one stopped it. Vaugurde was frozen in time and unlike your home, long lost to the ashes of whatever had burned it from yours and everyone else's mind, it was made into an everlasting memorial.

You had been afraid to forget Vaugarde, to lose it, but you never wanted to keep it like this.

No one had been able to do anything, but… you could. You knew that you could.

You hadn't been able to explain it to your companion at the time. She had asked you a ton of questions when you insisted that you needed to go there, but you hadn't been able to tell her more than, "I have to help. I'm the only one that can."

She looked at you with a deep well of skepticism. You thought that it would be the end of your time together. That she would call you crazy and leave to find more stable company. You were never the best company, you didn't think. Your memories slipped away from you like sand, you got antsy staying in one place too long, and you were terrible at explaining yourself.

She surprised you though, closing her book with a deep sigh, and offering you a wry smile. "I suppose I always did intend to visit the country, though this wasn't how I thought I would ever do it."

You felt warm inside at her agreement. It was nice, having someone at your side that didn't leave you at the first sign of your… well, everything. You didn't know how to properly express your gratitude though, so all you did was smile up at her and say, "Thanks Odile."

"It wouldn't feel right to let you go on such a dangerous journey all alone," she added. "We're traveling companions, aren't we?"

"Yeah," you agreed softly. It meant twice as much to you as it did to her, you were pretty sure, but the sentiment was one that you wanted to hold onto with all of your might. You never wanted to forget Odile. The way that you never forgot Vaugarde, even though you'd always feared that you would. "We are."

It had taken more than a month to travel to Vaugarde from where you were. There had been numerous warnings from everyone that you met along the way. From those that had fled, those that lived along the borders, those that had been curious enough to go take a look at the frozen country, and they all had advice to give you.

The country had become… cold. As if all the warmth was frozen like everything else. A negative space, almost like a vacuum, you thought. You… weren't sure why you thought that.

You didn't think about it.

You took in everyone's advice. Odile took notes and talked with you about the best way to prepare for what you'd find there.

You shared with her your memories of Vaugarde, as best as you could. There were holes in it like everything else you touched, but Odile was attentive and patient, more greedy for this part of you than any other. It was almost embarrassing how much attention she gave you when you opened up about this, and she teased you when your face darkened and you tried to hide in the collar of your cloak. It was… nice though. Comfortable. Friendly.

You didn't tell Odile this, couldn't think of how to say it without sounding greedy, needy, and presumptuous, but you thought of her as a friend. Maybe as more than a friend? She was literally the most important person that you had, but you felt like saying that was… too much. So you didn't. You tucked it away somewhere inside you and cherished the time that the two of you spent together like nothing else you ever had.

When you finally arrived in Vaugarde, you felt like you were walking through glass. The town was like a dollhouse, everyone frozen in the middle of talking, eating, running. It was haunting. You felt like you were walking through a picture book, through a memory you weren't supposed to see.

"Gems alive," Odile swore softly, horrified in much the same way you were.

They said there were things called Sadness here. Manifestations of regret and sorrow. Walking through the town, you could understand how such a thing could be true. So many people whose lives were interrupted, stolen… How else could they feel, other than hopeless? What was left for them other than despair?

"It's okay," you say softly. There's a well of confidence in your words that you can't explain. You know that you can fix this. It won't be quick. You'll need to destroy the Sadness overrunning the area if this is going to work, you know that too, without being able to explain how you know it. But you can do it. You know you can. "We'll fix it."

Odile's expression is a mix of devastation and hope. You know she didn't really believe you before, but seeing the reality of things made her want to. She truly hopes that you know what you're doing, but even if you don't, she's prepared to stand beside you through that failure. You're really grateful to her for that.

"I… hope that you're right, Siffrin," is all that she says.

Fighting takes more time than you thought it might. There were only the two of you, after all. You were fast and Odile had access to all craft types, but two people versus multiple Sadnesses was never going to be easy. You spend a few hours clearing out an area and then retreat over the border to sleep. The weeks since Vaugarde had frozen had proven that the curse was no longer moving, so you both felt safe there. There was no indication that the curse moved anymore at all, since you both knew that others had visited the ruins of Vaugarde. Better to be safe than sorry, though.

It took two full days, with both of you making sure to take long rest in between bouts of fighting. Once you were done, you went to the Favor Tree that the town was built around. Favor Trees were specific to Varguarde, but you knew that they were the best place to do this. They were a place that gathered the hopes and happiness of people. A place where people laid their hearts bare. If there was any place where you thought the universe would be listening, anyplace where you thought they'd hear you if you screamed your loudest and hardest, it was here.

The leaves of the tree were frozen, but you had already prepared another way to make this happen. You sat at the base of the tree, aware of Odile standing behind you and watching curiously over your shoulder. You took out a piece of paper and folded a paper crane. You whispered your wish three times into paper as you folded, then you wrapped a string around it and hung it from the tree.

The crane would hold your wish, the string would bind it together, bind it to the ground. One wouldn't be enough though, you knew that. You folded three. And then six. And then nine.

When you got to nine, you knew that you had done enough. They were spaced apart, hanging from the Favor Tree, but you knew that you had done this right. Your wish was safe, nestled deep with the heart of the cranes, grounded to the tree, to the earth. All that was left…

"We have to wait until nightfall," you say. The universe didn't only grant wishes at night, but this was important, you needed to do this right. You needed to make sure you told the Universe your wish as clearly as possible, and you needed to know how the universe would answer.

Odile looked up to the sky. "That's easy enough, it shouldn't be long now."

You smiled at her, making yourself comfortable at the base of the tree, and waited. Odile came to sit beside you, resting on one of the large roots rather than the ground. She didn't ask questions, though you could tell that she wanted to. You were glad that she had decided to wait.

Once the stars were visible in the sky, you stood up. You went around touching each crane, thinking your wishes loudly as you could as you climbed the branches of the tree. You looked to the sky, finding the brightest star, and you whisper your wish one last time.

For a long time, nothing happens. The world is still.

Then suddenly, it isn't. You look up in time to see a ball of heat and light falling toward you. You raise your hands above your head to catch it.

You don't know why, but you know what to do.

The Universe leads…

…you decide to follow.

You open your mouth wide…

It burns all the way down. It coats your mouth with sugar, feels sticky and thick, like syrup. You want to scream, it hurts so badly, but you can't. You can't! All you can do is swallow over and over again as you try and force the hard, hot lump down your throat.

With every swallow you feel the heat infusing you with more and more heat. You feel like the Universe is breathing a wish into you, instead of the other way around.

You blink and you find yourself on the ground.

"Siffrin!"

You… fell. From the tree. But you don't even feel your own body.

Your eyes are drawn to the cranes as they start to light up, until they're as bright as the stars in the sky.

You open your mouth with the intention to say that they're beautiful…

You scream instead.

You scream and scream until your throat is raw and ragged, until you're so breathless that you can't breathe.

You can't breathe!

You don't breathe.

You pass out.

You wake up with a gasp!

Your body is cradled in Odile's arms, which is odd because she's only rarely touched you before this point. It's nice though, so you don't fight it. You don't feel hurt, like you remember being. You don't feel hot or raw at all. Around you, the area around the Favor Tree seems to have come to life.

It worked…

It worked! Your wish worked!

"Thank the Expressions, you're alright!" Odile exclaims. She pulls you further into her arms and you… breathe. You breathe. You relax like your body has been wound tight the entire time and you feel everything pour out of you. "Don't scare me like that, Siffrin."

"Sorry," you say softly. One hand is on the arm she has wrapped around you, as if you can keep her there, though you'd never try if she pulled away from you. Luckily she doesn't. "It's working though!"

Odile seemed startled, as if she hadn't noticed the change happening around you. Maybe her eyes had been so focused on you that she hadn't looked away. Now, they're wide as she watches the way life slowly seeps into the land around you both. The curse is receding. Not far. You knew, somehow, that this process would be slow. One town at a time.

It could kill you if you tried to do more than that, and you weren't sure it would work that way besides. You weren't sure how you knew, but you did. You knew.

Just like you knew that the nagging feeling leading you this whole time had been from the Universe. Making a wish just like you always did.

Maybe it hadn't been that only you could do, just that the Universe needed someone to do it and you were the only one that had answered its call. It made you smile, that you could do something for the Universe, for Vaugarde. Your first home had been lost, but maybe…

Maybe you could build another one after all. Maybe you could breathe life into Vaugarde the way that it had breathed life into you.

"I think you owe me an explanation," Odile said, her expression steely even as she still seemed to be looking over you.

You laugh, happy and exhausted and a host of other emotions that you weren't fully sure how to explain or even name. "Yeah, I guess I do."

one big thing i think people outside fandom (like, all fandoms, fandom in general, not any particular one) tend to misunderstand is they know it's a subculture of people who are weirdly deeply invested in fictional media, and they hear about drama caused by people in those subcultures being unhinged in not-fun ways, and they think the unhingedness comes from the fact of being overinvested in works of fiction.

which is a natural assumption, but in my experience that's not really the case? like in my experience the drama llamas in fandom are usually not the ones who are just genuinely very deeply into the fiction. i've known people who are basically thinking about star trek or x-men comics or supernatural pretty much 100% of their free time and ime that type of person is usually very nice and surprisingly functional in their regular life. when someone's a constant nexus of fandom drama it's usually not that they are obsessed with the actual work of fiction the fandom is about, it's at least one of the following:

what they're obsessed with is not the source material but their unhealthy parasocial relationships with one or more of the people who created it

what they're obsessed with is not the source material but some elaborate shared-universe subset of fanfic about it that's only barely related to the original at this point, and/or an esoteric reading-against-the-text reinterpretation of the source material (often if the canon is active and ongoing this leads to becoming actively hostile toward it for its inevitably increasing failure to conform to their preferred fanon)

what they're obsessed with is not the source material but the fandom itself and gathering clout within it, so that the source material basically only exists to them as a tool for scoring points in increasingly arcane fandom disputes

and very often you get the same person doing 2 and sometimes even all 3 of these, and that's where the trouble really starts

I have kept this in my brain for like a month now and I can't fight the voices that say to spit it out anymore. Under the cut is a stupid long rant about how I view skks relationship is. The TLDR would be I see them as two people who dance around and near eachother constantly, yet never meet.

Ok to get more into this, I mean that they express their every feeling through actions. They move perfectly in sync, their thoughts lining up with the other perfectly, where one can't succeed the other does so with ease, they don't speak about anything, they just act on what the others actions tells them. The thing is, they're still dancing around the other. They don't move to the other to do a full on partner dance, holding the other in their arms as they guide each other. They never allow any distance to close, never fully unguard themselves, never allow the other to come close. So, they stare from opposite ends of the stage, moving in sync, yet never touching. To add on to that, it's like they're in a masquerade too. They have masks on, false faces and personalities to conceal their true selves. Even when around the other and alone, I don't think the mask is ever truly off. Their actions say one thing, but the voice and faces say another. Sometimes, they see little cracks, imperfections in the others act, yet those are patched up as quickly as they were seen. They care but they pretend they don't. Their actions, the way the move around each other, screams that they want to be close, that they want to show every last bit of themselves to the other. Yet, when they look at each other, the mask is still on, they still have their manufactured personalities. Sure, they see the less used personalities, the ones that tend to expose some truth, that tend to create cracks in their facade, yet never is it gone. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that they read each other perfectly like an open book, but since they never speak about it, never talk about what they see in the cracks or the others actions, they never reveal themselves. They are stuck orbiting around each other, never meeting, yet always there in view of the other. Both want, neither takes. Whether that is out of fear, defensiveness, protectiveness, something else, or some combination of several, neither of them ever really try to meet each other. Or take off the masks. Perhaps Chuuya does sometimes, but he is still holding himself back. Dazai straight up doesn't try, but he does fight internally with himself about it.

How to show emotions

Part V

How to show grief

a vacant look

slack facial expressions

shaky hands

trembling lips

swallowing

struggling to breathe

tears rolling down their cheeks

How to show fondness

smiling with their mouth and their eyes

softening their features

cannot keep their eyes off of the object of their fondness

sometimes pouting the lips a bit

reaching out, wanting to touch them

How to show envy

narrowing their eyes

rolling their eyes

raising their eyebrows

grinding their teeth

tightening jaw

chin poking out

pouting their lips

forced smiling

crossing arms

shifting their gaze

clenching their fists

tensing their muscles

then becoming restless/fidgeting

swallowing hard

stiffening

holding their breath

blinking rapidly

exhaling sharply

How to show regret

scrubbing a hand over the face

sighing heavily

downturned mouth

slightly bending over

shoulders hanging low

hands falling to the sides

a pained expression

heavy eyes

staring down at their feet

Part I + Part II + Part III + Part IV + Part VI

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