Literally My Favorite Pokemon Line

Diary entry #19

You ever have a blorbo who literally takes up like 99% of the space in your brain and you have no clue why?? This guy does!!

Edgar George Zomboss (Plants vs Zombies) is my current guy that lives in my head... and I don't know why? He's literally awful in every regard but like I can't stop thinking about him for whatever reason. The main reason I'm reading the pvz comics and playing the games are because of him. The autism goes insane sometimes.

I literally have two fanfics in the works with him as the main character or at least someone very significant. What is wrong with me!!!!

The brainrot I have is severe. I literally see something like idk, a guy in a brown suit, and my brain goes "pvz reference???"

I think when I get to have a life outside of my grandparent's house maybe I'll be a little less mentally ill about my fav characters. One can hope.

Welp. Reddit is dead, and I’m not sure if anyone is willing to reanimate its corpse. Reddit was the only place I could be myself, vent about my issues, stuff like that. Tumblr doesn’t fill the same void in my heart, but it’s decent enough. Hope I can make friends here. I’ll miss my moots over there. RIP aspiememes, traa, and many others. I feel like this collapse will have terrible consequences.

TLDR- i am so sad

I'm scared. I'm a trans man and I'm scared.

Who knows how much longer I'm going to even be able to say those words so I'm gonna say them now.

I'm not gonna let them erase me.

Fuck all of you who voted for Trump.

If you fucking voted for that self-interested, classist, misogynistic stupid ass mother fucker,

UNFOLLOW AND BLOCK ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

And don't come crying to us when your "savior" fucks the world up even worse.

Y'all did that, not us.

I'm scared. I'm a trans man and I'm scared.

HAPPY TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY EVERYONE!! I am closeted but I tried to celebrate today by drawing and having a good time as best as I could. Here's the drawing I made with my trans oc!!

cw- drawn sh scars, not a vent post just a part of the character

(The text says happy TDOV; don't let the bastards win!)

[ID: a drawing by OP of his zombie oc; he's wearing headphones, a torn shirt, a binder, cargo pants, and is waving a trans pride flag. Nico, the oc, has brown hair and is smiling slightly. /END ID]

Feel free to print and distribute this image

Diary entry #7

My grandma isn't gonna teach me to drive anymore, because she says I'm not improving. Now I'm gonna have to pay for a driving class and I went down a horrible spiral where I was thinking about how worthless I am.

I'm on my period and it feels like the world is crumbling around me. If I don't get out of my household frankly I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do, so I have no choice but to pay a thousand bucks (literally) for driving school.

I screwed up and almost caused an accident, that's why she said I wasn't improving. She's been driving for 40 years, and I've only been driving for like a month or something. She says there's nothing she can teach me anymore. My brain was foggy because I'm on my period, I barely ate anything, and I was shaking from too much caffeine. I really didn't want to drive but I was an idiot and did it anyways. I fucking hate my life. It's times like this where I wish I wasn't autistic because everyone else in my life functions normally and I can't do anything right.

I have to get out of my house. There's no other option. If I can't do it, I don't think I can wait any longer than I already have. They aren't abusive, but they let me live in conditions where I'm not living as myself and it's killing me. I just need to be a man and I can't.

I can't live a second longer in this body that's not mine. I wish I had some resources to help me get out of here, but I'm mostly on my own. I'm not being abused, so I can't escape by calling services to my house, but I just can't live like this. Sorry this post was so depressing, it depresses me too!

The hate filled thoughts that flow while I'm looking at myself in the shower are killing me. I want to be rid of my female-gendered features, every last one of them.

(Edit) I have no idea if this post even shows up in people's feeds but uh.,,, no freemartin cows are not FTM? Am i stupid?? They are intersex. I'm glad I've learned a lot and I'm sorry I was dumb,,,

Nobody prompted me to change this or delete it this post has just been haunting me because it was a stupid thing to post. And I keep on thinking that I should delete it but honestly it's an important thing to keep up; I don't want anyone else to fuck up like this. Intersex people exist and are important and need to be listened to.

probably over a year ago I had a customer come into the shop, a man I'd guess probably 70-ish? And he hung around the till whilst I was dealing with another customer and then when I was done he handed me a bit of paper and on the paper it said 'books about crossdressing'

well, I did my best - he was obviously very nervous and I wanted to help him find something useful. Unfortunately there's not a lot of books about crossdressing - lots on trans stuff obviously! But I wasn't clear on whether he was thinking of transitioning and he was so nervous I didn't want to push him for any details. He ended up buying Eddie Izzard's biography and seemed pretty happy with that, but I never forgot it and I've always kept an eye out for those kind of books since.

Today he came back in, came round to the side of the till again, took out his phone and started showing me photos of himself wearing dresses, at which point I realised it was him. I nearly cried, it was so lovely! He still wanted books on crossdressing so I told him I'd do some more research & write him a list, but I'm hitting the same problem again - there's not a lot specifically about crossdressing. My colleague & I have made a list including books on drag, books on transitioning, books on women's fashion generally, but I am hoping despite my lack of reach on Tumblr I might be able to get recommendations from people with more knowledge than me. Please send me suggestions!

Diary entry #3

Hoooooo boy I am shaking so bad. I generally have a level of "shake" that I usually have, always a little twitchy and I get terribly lightheaded, shaky, and have to sit so I don't fall whenever I stand up (usually if I do it quickly.) But like I'm shaking so hard that it's kinda hard to type. Why? My stomach hurts. Sometimes it's just like that when I get nauseous.

Speaking of things I should probably talk to a doctor about! I think I might have OCD. I get straight up awful thoughts and I sometimes have to do something to fix them. I have a back and forth in my head constantly and it's fucking exhausting!!! But I am afraid that I'll be not allowed to go on T if I get a diagnosis (I'm already autistic so that could be something they could deny me for maybe). (Also don't know if I explained properly, sorry)

Some dude on reddit told me I probably don't have OCD because I'm autistic, idk if he's right. I know you can have both but it's possible I'm mistaking my autistic thoughts for OCD thoughts.

Well that's it I guess