Also MFW I Send A Brief To My Supervisor And Get Back An All-caps Email Saying “I TOLD YOU TO STOP

ONE MORE DAY

You can only reblog this on 14th march

Yesss I love my big Boomer Daddy Luci! Thank you so much for my matchup! I’m all warm and fuzzy inside now.

See mom I know how to write a thank you note

(Part 1) I only use Tumblr to lurk and I've never done an ask before, so I hope this comes through ok! You're an angel (devil?) for doing matchups, so I thought I'd humbly request one! I'm Nikki, and I'm an old lady by fandom standards. I grew up in the deep South US (NC and New Orleans), and lived in Italy for a while. I wanted to be a linguist when I was younger, and I still love learning foreign languages. I have a degree in French (cont in pt 2)

(part 2) and I'm now a lawyer, because academics don't pay the bills. I work with child abuse victims, which is rewarding. I love to travel, but I can't much because a) I got court to go to and b) I also love animals, and it's hard to find someone who will take care of dogs, guinea pigs, and reptiles all at once. I'm sarcastic, kind of flippant as a defense mechanism. I'm usually the funny friend, but I get sassy when I'm on the whiskey (cont in pt 3) (part 3!) I'm a big fan of nonfiction books, especially about science and history, and historical dramas on Netflix. I love Netflix and chill with my partner, but I am pretty independent, so I like spending time alone traveling, taking care of critters, or working out. My love language is acts of service, so I show I care by cleaning the house or running errands for my man/lady. (last part incoming!) (last part!) My partner needs to be independent, with a dark sense of humor, who doesn't mind me venting about the grisly and/or weird stuff I see at work. I do like a responsible guy, 'cause I don't wanna be your mama and your gf at the same time. He should also be accepting of weird backwoods southern-isms, like buying taxidermy, saying "bless your heart", and listening to Dolly Parton and Rebirth Brass Band. Thanks! I love your blog!

Hello love!

Thank you for sending in a request! awwwww i’m glad to be your first! 

I hope you like the result! 

Okay so lets’ see... I’m kind of torn between Lucifer and Barbatos. 

I decided to match you with Lucifer! 

So i’m going to keep it real with you, I think your southern upbringing would add to this relationship a lot. First I thought it’s super risky to do this but let’s go anyway. I mean I don’t really want to bring religion into this, but we all know their background in the game. 

Lucifer would be very wary with anyone coming from a highly religious area, but sooner or later he would learn about your own perspectives. (since you play the game I assumed you’re not the stereotype being an English major taught me)

It would take him quite some time to share his views with you in depth, honestly you have a better chance at getting anyone else to open up about their past than him. But I think once you get someone else to do it and now you already know briefly whats up, he would just tell you himself. After all he takes buliding a relationship seriously once he is truly interested in someone.

I think your academic career and the fact that you are a lawyer would impress him and after he learns this about you, his respect for you will grow. Which is very important when it comes to Lucifer.

Lucifer had quite a lot of centuries to pick up languages. Although he isn’t speaking them all either (i mean he is a demon how many languages would he really need), he sees the value of being a multilingual human. Just to test you, he would sometimes switch between them.

It is canon that he is supposed to be outgoing as well, were it not for his very limited amount of free time. So he definitely understands your struggles to get away, as he is the most responsible demon in the household. Once in a blue moon he would probably get to have a couple of days off with you though. I’m sure he knows people who’d take care of your animals for a few days. (probably not one of his brothers though.) 

He appreciates a sarcastic s/o as he can be a bit sarcastic as well. Your flippant nature will only turn him on, especially since you are also responsible so flippant attitudes coming from you hit differently. 

Drinking with him is something you probably wouldn’t be able to avoid. I’m sure he would enjoy your sassy nature, he is one of the best at handling that so don’t worry about conflicts.

 I’m sure he would be able to talk in detail about historical events as he was there when it was all written. So this would be a common topic of conversation! in a healthy relationship good conversations are a must, so you two got that down as well. None of you is bored! Also I don’t really see him reading fiction tbh, so you are on the same page. 

Netflix and chill is up on his priority list as well, so again no trouble on either side.  

Lucifer in canon can fall in love with whoever it happens with, but an independent partner makes his life easier. By this I mean that he is usually busy so his partner would be very disappointed if they expected him to entertain them for many hours a day. Sure, he does make time for you so you don’t feel neglected as he wants to be a good partner. At the end of the day he is in love. 

He would definitely appreciate your love language! He always needs a helping hand, although he is usually too full of pride to actually ask for help with big things. So basically you’d probably get to do the easy stuff. 

His love language is affection so hopefully you are prepared for lots of private times! 

Also love language is just something you have to talk about with him, I think for his beloved he is willing to do things he normally wouldn’t. like you need a new dress?? want to hold hands in public?? want some reassurement?? gotcha (ok with some of these he might struggle but he tries so we gotta give him that)

I think he fits into everything you described your wish for a partner. he is mature and respnsible, and don’t worry he has heard and seen some stuff your stories would be hard to compare. 

so he has his own sense of decoration and if you look into his room, some taxidermy is just fine... 👀

hmmm idk about “bless” in his case because of reasons mentioned above but thats a conversation he will have with you

 He is also very keen on music, so thats also a topic to discuss. he is probably more into classicals, but he just wants to learn more about his partner to be able to fully love and understand them. so if it means listening to Dolly Parton, then so be it. 

When you’re riddled with anxiety over living in another four years of a fascist hellscape and you’re still hungover from drinking an entire bottle of Wild Turkey during election night coverage and you had to be hungover in court and the judge thought you were a monumental dumbass

BUT

THERE’S A PROPOSAL POP QUIZ

AND I GOT THE SATAN SSR

Hello fellow linguist! What do you think Demonic would look/sound like? I imagine it’s some kind of Greek/Latin/Aramaic bastard child. Maybe it’s the language of the Voynich Manuscript?

Let’s. Make. This. Happen.

My biggest issue with Obey Me is that there is supposedly a full alphabet for the Devildom (and quite possibly a language by extension) and it is mentioned like. Once.

I would absolutely love to see exchanges like:

Mammon: Hey, MC, can you pass me that?

MC: Pass what?

Mammon: You know the... the dry sauce!

MC: ???

Mammon: UGH stupid human language. The [D̴̞͂ȩ̶̐m̵̰̝̼̾ơ̶̢̰̜̿̇̓n̴̪͂͌͒i̸̥̰͇̹͑̏c̸̲͚̉͋ ̵̹̈́ś̵͙͚͓͗̃̍c̴̼̊̇͐̕r̴̺̳̆͠e̶̺̬̜̪̎e̵͇̱͕͛̓͘č̶͈h̶̬̬͐͑̔i̷͇̒̃̕n̷̯̄g̷̻̍̄́́]

MC:

Asmo: Oh, he means the salt

Mammon: YES, THANK YOU

TFW you’re a grown-ass woman with a paycheck that you can spend on otome games, but you’re also a grown-ass woman and you’re supposed to be responsible with said paycheck. 

Here we fucking go.

Okay when we give Mammon the Valentine’s chocolates and he’s like, “you aren’t gonna say something hurtful now, right? Like, pass these on to Levi for me?”

I. DIED.

Baby I could never -

MC: I love you.

Mammon: ... You promise?

Well I am also An Old who plays Obey Me, so I’m glad my fellow old humans are playing, I guess.

(he’s a math teacher, you know he’s a Mammon stan, he’s gonna calculate that grimm)

yall know how obey me gives the notifications for beel’s fridge thing at 12 and 6pm??? so im in math class at 12, and the teacher is on his ipad showing us an equation or sum shit and im not paying attention, im reading a fanfic. i look over at my phone, its just the obey me notif, but i look up at my computer to my teacher whos STILL SHARING HIS SCREEN and what shows up????

a notification for obey me.

on his ipad screen.

im fucking screaming

my math teacher plays obey me

what the fuck

I guarantee you I drank Demonus and threw it up later at least weekly when I was a freshman in college.

idk why i always assumed demonus was wine or sth but you’re telling me... it’s jungle juice????????

But most comedians are hopelessly depressed, so I’m already well-qualified!

As a child I really wanted to be a comedian, but then I realized you have to actually be funny

Y’all like pickle chicken? I’ll give y’all pickle chicken. AutomaticTastemakerTheorist’s homemade Nashville hot chicken:

You’ll need a pound of chicken (I buy the tenderloins, but breast works too, just cut it into strips). Marinate in pickle juice and a dash of hot sauce for a couple hours.

Make your dunkin’ juice: 2 cups buttermilk, 3 eggs, pickle juice to taste (start with a couple tbsp), Crystal hot sauce to taste (I use like half a bottle, because I like it hot), and a pinch of salt and pepper.

Dunk your chicken like its name is Lebowski and it owes you money. Roll it in flour. Dunk it again. Roll in flour again. Let it sit for about 15 minutes.

Fry it up - I use an air fryer, but vegetable oil on the stove works too.

Make your sauce: 6 tbsp cayenne pepper, 2 tbsp brown sugar, 1 tsp garlic salt, 1 tsp chili powder, 1 tsp paprika, mixed up in about half a cup of olive oil.

Toss the fried chicken in the sauce. Serve on Wonderbread with pickle slices. 

Use your leftover dunkin’ juice and flour to fry up some sliced okra. Your tastebuds will thank you. Your arteries, not so much.

Yes, Chick-fil-A’s Foundation Still Donates to Anti-LGBTQ Causes

Plus, Utah’s pickle-based dessert, and other news to start your day

Memo To The Media: Chick-fil-A Condemns, Discriminates, And Campaigns Against LGBT People

https://thinkprogress.org/memo-to-the-media-chick-fil-a-condemns-discriminates-and-campaigns-against-lgbt-people-3e2dbb7b8056/

Fuck them for sure.