This Is A Great Idea! I’m Going To Have To Whip Out The Eyeshadows That Have Been Gathering Dust All

Me listening to Lucifer going “hmm hmm hmm”

And then they try to tell you about a “great business opportunity” and the chance to “be your own boss” and you have to fake explosive diarrhea to run away.

Ever had that awkward moment, where someone who was apparently in highschool with you tries to talk to you when they see you out at the shop or something, and you have no fuckin clue who they are? But you don't wanna be a dick 😅

Made a meme for the encounter I just had at the shop. 😂

MC’s from 2020 be like: How can you not like someone who will put you out of this miserable cesspool of existence? 

Some ppl: How can you like this character?! He tried (succeeded) to kill MC!

Me: Bruh... I am from Brasil... I've seen things... Too many.

You have no idea how much I want to do this when opposing counsel calls me to bitch.

OC: “Well really Facebook isn’t supposed to tell the government when their users upload child exploitation material so I’m going to file a motion to suppress-”

Me: BANG BANG MOTHERFUCKER

Pro tip! Make a 1:1 solution of water and white vinegar and spray it on the pee spot. The vinegar should react with the ammonia in the urine and help neutralize the smell.

Mum and I let a stray cat into the house just now and he pissed on the curtain so we’ve been frantically trying to cover up the smell so Dad doesn’t tell us off.

I sprayed the scene of the crime with a load of dettol but now the whole room smells of that which is even more suspicious.

So I said to Mum: “what if he questions why it smells like a toilet in here now?”

To which she replied: “We’ll just tell him you farted so I had to light the candles but they weren’t enough.”

THANKS MUM

Is this the time to admit that I dropped a pat of butter on the ground tonight and still used it to cook dinner?

I washed the dirt off of it I promise?

Beelzebub is adorable and is holding my heart hostage, but no one can tell me he wouldn't eat something he just dropped on the ground

Can you imagine how much fun it would be to take a baseball bat to a giant fucking sea cucumber and just watch it go

GOOSH SPLAT

And then it panics and ejects its guts at you and you just keep beating it

GOOSH GOOSH GOOSH

I'm really mad about the fact that in the new event the brothers didn't let me fight against that fucking giant sea cucumber and just told me to stay away from it, they even told Solomon to fight, but not ME?! 😤 I'm so indignated right now I am not kidding 😡

I actually love this a lot. The little pursed lips, both in this drawing and the original card, make me laugh my ass off and I don’t know why. I just spent ten minutes trying to make this face in the mirror.

Shitty attempt on "why do people love cats" Satan

Oh boy my childhood (and adulthood don’t judge me) My Little Pony obsession is finally going to be useful!

Lucifer: Unicorn - he’s the most powerful magically, and unicorns are the most magically gifted ponies IIRC.

Mammon: Pegasus - he’s fun, flighty, and friendly, and also loyal like Best Pony Rainbow Dash.

Levi: Probably a Fluttershy-type pegasus, but if we can expand into the other MLP species, maybe he’d be a sea pony?

Satan: Unicorn, because he’s Lucifer’s progeny and a magical bookworm, but also his animal symbol is literally a unicorn.

Asmodeus: I want to say a unicorn as well, because it would be ironic for him (in non-MLP human lore, unicorns are attracted to purity and virginity).

Beel: Earth pony - he’s solid, down to earth, and kind.

Belphie: Earth pony to go with his twin, but also because it would be hard to nap with a horn poking holes in all your pillows.

Admin needs help!!!

What type of pony would the brothers be? Earth pony, Unicorn or Pegasi?

They didn’t specify positive qualities lol, time to use self deprecating humor that makes everyone uncomfortable!

Someone: "What are your qualities?"

Me: o_O

Me: "Y'all have these?"